“Some dads give their kids LEGOs.”

Justin’s rating: Oddly enough, this makes me want to read the comics more to see what I’ve been missing

Justin’s review: To all rights, Hellboy should’ve been a one-and-done film too weird for Hollywood to ever want to repeat. Yet a fun script and a whole lot of talent made for a terrific film that sparked a twisty-turny franchise that’s resulted in a sequel, animated spin-offs, a reboot, and a second reboot as of 2025. I don’t think any of them will match up to the original, but I’m willing to see if they get close.

So today let’s take a look at the 2019 reboot of the same name. This one stars Stranger Thing’s David Harbour as the red-skinned devil who was brought into our dimension by the Nazis but was then raised by a decent guy who helped direct Hellboy to fighting for the forces of good. He’s a cool dude, all things considered, even if he has a giant right hand and occasional rage issues.

Centuries after King Arthur and Merlin defeated the Nimue, the Blood Queen (Milla Jovovich) and chopped her still-living corpse up into six pieces, someone’s trying to put her back together again and bring about the end of the world. Standing against this is the BPRD, where Hellboy works.

It should be noted that for this reboot, the creators went a riskier route and made it a full-fledged R-rated experience. That opened the door for more horror and gore than and previous PG-13 outings. It’s very in-your-face with 156-point title fonts, a rock-n-roll soundtrack, and loads of brutal fights.

So this is a trade off, and not exactly a favorable one at that. The likable BPRD crew from the del Toro films, Ron Pearlman, and the much better writing are swapped for creepier and deadlier monsters and God of War-level carnage. There’s way too much unnecessary exposition and flashbacks flung at the audience left and right, and very little of it is in service of an interesting story.

From what research I did, this movie isn’t held high in regard of Hellboy readers because it took several well-liked comic stories and mashed them together to make a half-hearted stew of ideas. Perhaps sticking with just one or two would’ve been a good idea — or maybe even doing this in an anthology format. Has anyone ever tried as a superhero movie as an anthology? Kind of like Sin City? I think that could be cool.

But I didn’t hate it? I didn’t. The bestiary is fantastic and makes me want to see more of this supernatural world. And when Hellboy finds a good mix of action, humor, and attitude, it can be one wild ride. It’s unfortunate that this only happens sporadically.

I got the feeling that this movie wanted to give itself some kind of hardcore cred, because this is one of the bloodiest comic book movies out there. Did it need to be this way to tell this tale? Did seeing so many insides of people’s bodies increase its Oscar chances? Probably not. What it does become is distracting and disgusting, unless you’re a gore hound — and in that case, you’re probably not watching superhero flicks.

Intermission!

• “Yes, THAT King Arthur.”
• Excalibur is a boss-killing sword
• Not many movies begin with a Mexican wrestling match
• Vampires are muy feo
• I really dig the HUGE TITLES
• Even Hellboy likes a good secret door
• Every secret organization should have a room full of giant heads
• Wait, how did they take a picture of knights from the medieval ages?
• The Nazis contracted out to Rasputen
• Nazi Hunter dude!
• Don’t mess with a giant boar dude
• I genuinely did not see that ambush coming
• The witch is able to control her limbs before they’re attached
• Giants really like eating people — and they are terrifying in action
• That’s an incredibly burned breakfast
• “They’re saying I should kill you while I have the chance.”
• That’s a really gross way to channel a spirit
• Fairies love to steal babies and leave changelings in their place
• “You call this refurbished?”
• “Take your feet off Churchill’s desk.”
• Elevator to Baba Yaga
• Human child stew, ew
• That dangling eyeball must’ve looked great in 3D
• The demon rampage across London is something else
• It’s Abe! Which won’t come to anything because there was never a sequel to this.