“They provide us with certain advantages, and we provide them a place to live. But it hasn’t been easy. We haven’t had much choice at all.”

Justin’s rating: I so want a cigarette after watching Nancy Allen smoke through about sixteen packs here.

Justin’s review: What if aliens invaded a small midwestern town, replaced every human with identical lookalikes, and then simply… lived there for 30 years? No additional conquest, no monkey business, just a small, unassuming town seemingly stuck in the late ’50s that screams “go away and leave us alone!”

That’s the odd premise of Strange Invaders, a sort of Invasion of the Body Snatchers-style flick. While watching it, I was reminded of a recent shared observation that just as people in the 2020s are really nostalgic for the 90s, people in the ’80s were kind of tripping on the ’50s. Once you notice this ’50s love fest, you see it everywhere in that decade, from Back to the Future to Stand By Me. And there was nothing more ’50s than the scifi/horror B-movie!

When his ex-wife drops off their daughter and disappears way too long for a funeral, human silly putty model Charles (Paul Le Mat, Rock and Rule) heads to Centerville, IL to investigate. There he comes across a lot of highly suspicious weirdness, not the least of which is that his dog gets stone cold murdered (off camera) and his incredibly ugly station wagon gets blown up with lasers.

While Charles narrowly escapes, his trials aren’t over. A group of these Stepford weirdos leave Centerville to pursue him — and his daughter, who is quite important to their plans. He does make friends with a tabloid journalist (Robocop’s Nancy Allen!) who provides some emotional and makeout support as they continue to investigate and protect Elizabeth from abduction.

Strange Invaders is probably best known as “that movie where the aliens keep taking off their human masks to reveal these smaller, grotesque E.T. heads underneath.” They love this move more than any three of the Mission Impossible movies put together. When they’re not doing that, they’re zapping stuff with eye lasers and moving things with their minds.

(In a neat twist, it’s revealed that the US government knows about the aliens and allows their partial invasion in exchange for “certain advantages.” How that came about is a whole different story I would’ve loved to see.)

Another thing this movie does is put everything in soft focus. Nobody does that anymore, but if you ever watched the original Star Trek series and they showed a female love interest? The screen would suddenly get all fuzzy and woozy. That’s soft focus, pretty much the polar opposite of 4K resolution, and that’s what you’re getting in this film.

There’s an odd tug-o-war happening with Strange Invaders that’s a little hard to explain if you haven’t seen it. There are almost equal amounts of positives in this film’s favor as negatives, so depending on the scene, it’s either really captivating or extremely boring. The special effects are mesmerizing and the plot is muddled and meandering. It can be so dang unnerving at times and laughably stupid at others. The visuals can be great and the editing extremely sloppy. See what I mean?

If you’ll endure another metaphor, high-concept movies are like bucking broncos that a director must ride with confidence — or else be thrown off and trampled underfoot. As interesting as Strange Invaders is, I suspect that a whole lot of trampling took place. Not enough is laid out clearly and explained competently. And having your lead character be more drab than the earthtone suits he wears helped not one bit.

I don’t regret seeing Strange Invaders, but I can see so many points of this where better direction, acting, and writing could’ve made it far more than a cult oddity. For starters, every scene with Nancy Allen should’ve featured her in body armor chewing bubblegum.

Intermission!

• The initial alien ship shot is pretty cool
• I’d totally take a class on bugs
• “Shouldn’t have brought the dog in the first place.”
• $7 a night for a room
• LASER VIOLENCE ON A STATION WAGON!
• The aliens have eye lasers and can open doors with their mind
• Gah, so much soft focus!
• Two-headed dogs are very big in the tabloid industry
• This is the most toned-down Wallace Shawn I’ve ever seen
• Aliens are really, really good at video games
• That’s the worst kissing. Just the worst.
• Aliens bleed fizzy green soda when shot
• The crying orb — and the painful process of turning people into them