“It’s time for action. Let’s go!”

Justin’s rating: Spending a work shift in ninja pajamas seems like it’d be extra comfy

Justin’s review: What makes for a truly great action star? Over the years, I’ve concluded that physique and physical prowess — while important — are simply the bare minimum in answering this question. The true greats are the ones that also show range and charisma on top of their muscles and parkour agility, and not everyone has that. We see this in the action genre, which is rife with (mostly) guys and (occasionally) gals who look the part but have the acting ability of a muppet with the hand removed.

So while some die-hard American Ninja franchise fans (yes, they exist) weep bitterly that Michael Dudikoff declined to reprise his role for the third film*, I don’t see a great loss here. He was a pretty face and a bland mind, forever relegated to C- and D-list roles. At least Curtis Jackson (Steve James, Weekend at Bernie’s II) returns, and he had a lot more of that personality I was talking about. Kind of wish he was bumped up to lead instead of sticking around as sidekick (alas, he didn’t return for the next film).

Taking the spotlight but not the actual role from Dudikoff in American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt is David Bradley (Cyborg Cop 2). Bradley plays Sean, who as a kid had his dad murdered right in front of him and got placed right into the Ninja Training Foster School for Movie Boys. He didn’t have relatives or a mom or anything? Guess not, so go live with your dad’s friend in Japan and have completely inappropriate schooling!

So now we have ANOTHER American Ninja on the scene, and you best get used to him, because Bradley is in the next three flicks. He’s Ninja: The Next Generation. I kind of think he looks like a more muscled young Mark Hamill, but my mind is in a weird place these days.

This time we’re on another island where a ruthless man known only as “Cobra” (Marjoe Gortner, Marjoe) is perfecting his cobra serum for germ warfare, training ninja, and helping the odd terrorist out. This is so close — so close — to an official GI Joe movie that it hurts it didn’t become one. If only Destro showed up in the third act.

In a complete coincidence, Sean, Curtis, and a dorky dude named Dex (Ivan J. Klisser) head to that very island for some karate tournament right as Cobra is ratcheting up his evil scheme. Oh wait, the tournament WAS the evil scheme, because the bad guys want to test their serum on “the best of the best” for some reason. And that’s gonna be Sean.

Infected and possibly becoming something odd (an X-Men?), Sean and his friends try to uncover this weird conspiracy while killing every dang ninja that they encounter. And just like the previous movies, the costumed foes are way too much fun as enemies. They come out of nowhere and prove themselves willing to show off with small athletic displays like spider monkeys. You can keep your zombies — this is more interesting.

One strong plus in this film’s favor is far more actual martial arts. David Bradley loves to show off his karate moves and comes off as more energetic than Dudikoff did. And I actually found that Bradley had a *bit* of that charismatic spark that is needed in a lead. Not enough to ever become an A-lister, mind you, but it certainly makes Sean more likable as a hero.

On the downside, it’s hard for American Ninja 3 to stack up to the sheer insanity of the first two movies. Often, it feels like a blatant copy of the second movie — another island, another batch of toothless police, another ninja gang with a customized logo, another kidnapping, another excitable George S. Clinton score, and another American Ninja lead with practically the same background. It’s a repeat rather than an advancement. About the only innovation here is that the lead enemy ninja is a female for the first time in this series and the guys go paragliding.

Believe it or not, American Ninja 3 actually got a (very) small theatrical release, but it was clear that Cannon Films cache was running dry as the ’80s closed out. It’s a one-note franchise, but dang it if that single note — a ninja note — isn’t played with such enthusiasm that it doesn’t get boring.

* Dudikoff didn’t want to get typecast as, I dunno, the guy who’s a super-duper awesome ninja, but more than that, he didn’t want to go back to film in South Africa, which was still doing the apartheid thing in the ’80s. Allegedly, he got a lot of flak for filming American Ninja 2 in the country and didn’t want to go through that again.

Intermission!

• I love the older lady in the kickboxing crowd who’s half-heartedly clapping as though she thought this was going to be a completely different type of show but is now stuck there
• Fully automatic pistol, dang
• Is this a terrorism seminar?
• Curtis’ “Shalom Y’all” shirt. I want it.
• “You made the cover of Inside Karate this month!”
• The gigantic CRT computer monitor on the outside table cracks me up
• Nothing is more ’80s than mirrored sunglasses. I still think they’re cool.
• Funeral hearses are great kidnapping cars
• It’s over 19 minutes before we get any ninjas
• UNDERWATER NINJA FIGHT! WITH A SHARK!
• Sean’s jeans dried faster than his hair
• Curtis rubbing his hands with glee when the ninjas pop out. He’s been waiting for this moment for two years now.
• The throwaway line that Curtis left Joe back in the army
• It’s nice to see someone actually use nunchucks to beat the crap out of someone
• Curtis will use any opportunity to take his shirt off in a fight
• The camera should never be aimed right between a guy’s legs when he’s sprawling out on a beach
• “You’re breathing my air!”
• Paragliding looks like a lot of fun
• Nice car explosion
• Mission Impossible masks! Twist!
• Ninja magic can cure viruses I guess
• Double arrow throw fatality
• Did Cobra just poop his pants when he got roundhouse kicked?