“They almost called security. They thought there was a little girl being tortured in here. You’re the little girl.”

Justin’s rating: How many times are Sandler’s friends going to Hawaii on a film budget’s dime?

Justin’s review: There’s something actually touching about seeing the Happy Madison cadre still pumping out weird and silly comedies even today. I mean, it’s more like a smile born of nostalgia back when you hung out with these guys but aren’t really doing that any more because you’ve mostly outgrown them.

So it’s more out of curiosity to see what they’re up to that I dipped into The Wrong Missy. And besides, I had to see if David Spade could take my drubbing from Lost and Found and actually, finally prove that he’s got the chops to be a romcom star.

Heading to a work retreat in Hawaii, Tim (Spade) invites a girl named Missy to come along after striking up a strong connection with her a few months prior. Unfortunately, he texts the wrong Missy (Lauren Lapkus) instead — an insane, borderline sociopath bad blind date he encountered months before. Even more unfortunately, he doesn’t find out until he’s on the plane and she plops down right next to him.

Stuck on this trip with a human wrecking ball and not the girl he actually desires, Tim’s clearly in for a terrible time. Missy is absolutely unhinged and unfiltered, and she’s not exactly putting Tim’s emotional and social well-being at the top of her priority list. She’s also willing to fly off the handle at complete strangers, which is also not great news for him either.

Yet Missy is also, if you squint and turn your head sideways, a manic dream pixie girl of a sort, and her energy and freewheeling humor begins to grow on Tim. Before long, she’s changing the trajectory of his life in unexpected ways — and he’s on board with it.

Spade couldn’t be more dull and lifeless in this film if he tried. I think he did try. Somewhere along the way since the ’90s, he ejected the only thing that made him interesting, which was his trademark sarcasm and snark. Now he’s got nothing.

Thus, this ends up being Lauren Lapkus’ show. I promise you that you’ll either find her exceedingly annoying (which will be a dealbreaker) or you’ll surrender to her insanity and look forward to seeing what gonzo thing she says or does next. Love her or hate her, Missy is the center of attention in every scene. Honestly, while she could be funny, I wasn’t won over. And I really don’t buy that her hidden qualities somehow make her a desirable date after all. You just know that this will be the shortest and most hellish relationship ever after the end credits.

The Wrong Missy definitely rests on the more risque side of the Happy Madison spectrum, with a couple of scenes featuring Missy making unwanted sexual advances being at the center of a whole lot of criticism. And rightly so. It’s uncomfortable and absolutely wouldn’t fly if the genders were reversed, comedy film or no.

Honestly, if this had the restraints of a PG-13 movie, I think The Wrong Missy could’ve worked so much better. It’s fine in parts but stutters and stalls toward the end, and whenever the crudity comes out, you feel the humor leeching from the scenes.

So no, I don’t think a 55-year-old David Spade mastered a romcom any more than a 20-something Spade did back in the ’90s. Maybe he’s still to find that right partner for his type, but the odds are greater that it’s just not his genre.

Intermission!

• “Best blind date icebreaker ever!”
• Don’t say that you love your blind date in the first five minutes
• Missy sliding under the stall door is funny
• “What are you, Crocodile Dundee?”
• “One, two, three…. FOUR!”
• Nick Swardson really got chubby
• I like how the movie does texting
• “She graduated at the top of her class, not on top of her professor like you.”
• That’s a nice stranger who’s willing to check your breath for you
• “If I see a sea turtle in the ocean I am RIDING IT.”
• “Fine, I just fell in the toilet again.”
• “Throw in some more bubbles, maybe a toaster…”
• “We’re either going to end up married or I’m going to be naked and dead in a ravine somewhere. I’m down for either.”
• “You’re going to lose a leg in ten years in a horrific motorcycle accident. The authorities will find it and put it on backwards.”
• That looked like a very painful cliff dive
• Haha she’s got a sleep apnea mask
• No chumming!
• The Free Willy argument
• Don’t stomp off right into a pond
• “Tim, I love you more than anything, but that’s doctor-patience confidentiality.”
• Shadow dancing is not what I expected to see
• …and when they dragged the guy off the stage, I laughed
• “You HYPNOTIZED him? This guy thinks I’m his Nana?”
• Well they ruined NKOTB for me
• “You make me feel safe. I hope you never die.”
• Weed deodorant?
• He’s in a time-out. He’s got 10 minutes left.
• Mermaid David Spade. He’s going to drown.
• Vanilla Ice alert!