“We ain’t dead, just trapped.”

Justin’s rating: I never thought purgatory would have so many ballistic missiles. Who are they attacking, Hell Russia?

Justin’s review: Never underestimate the attractive power of an idea. I can’t tell you how many movies I’ve watched not on the strength of any recommendations, casting, or reviews, but simply because it has a cool idea I haven’t seen done to death a million times elsewhere.

So when I read the description of Despiser and saw that it involved some people battling across the fantastical landscape of a twisty-turny afterlife, I was like, “Say no more! I am sold!” That’s simply not something you see every day, and to me, that’s worth the price of my time.

Gordon (Mark Redfield) ends up dying in a car crash on the same day that he gets fired and his wife leaves him. Bummer. But on the upside, he ends up in Purgatory (or the Netherworld?), where souls are purified and prepared. Unfortunately, Purgatory is out of whack because of the presence of the Despiser, some giant alien who crash-landed there (how?) and taken over the place.

Fortunately, there are a group of freedom fighters made up of people who sacrificed themselves at the moment of death. Gordon joins up with these oddballs, who drive a blue sedan and have an unlimited amount of ammo. This group include a kamakazi pilot, a Samuel L. Jackson wannabe from World War I, and an angry auto mechanic.

Gordon learns the ropes of this new situation as the group battles the Despiser’s Shadowman and Ragmen across this bizarre ever-shifting landscape. He learns that if they somehow defeat the Despiser, Gordon and his new friends might get a second chance at life.

Gordon does wake back up in the real world — resuscitated, I guess? — but then the Shadowman kidnaps his wife into Purgatory and prompts him to head back into it to rescue her. But he’s going to have to contend with weird aliens, atomic explosions, and more.

I did not watch Despiser. I don’t think anyone merely “watches” this movie. I experienced it. I endured it. And I exalted in it. This is one of the most singularly weird and unique films I’ve ever seen. It’s both good and bad simultaneously. It’s simply in its own category where great ideas and awful execution come together to make a blend that has no contemporary.

There’s a very distinct visual style that’s used here where the live action has that surreal soap opera camera look and almost everything else is atrocious late ’90s CGI.

And we’re not talking about a smattering of CGI. There are entire scenes, whole fight sequences, lengthy car rides, full vistas, and more that are crafted by computer and slapped together with people via green screen. The overdose of this style kind of makes it work… and it really does grow on you. When everything looks terrible, maybe you stop being picky about it and simply enjoy what’s good.

Despiser is a microbudget movie with huge ideas, and I kinda dug it. A road trip through the netherworld where freedom fighters battle against aliens deserves $100 million and a summer blockbuster spot. Instead, it probably got five hundred bucks and all of the energy and vigor of a dozen Michael Bays.

So much happens over the course of this movie, and every minute is more amazing than the last. Yeah, it looks like a series of ’90s PlayStation cutscenes, but who cares when you’re having this much fun? And it’s obvious that the cast and crew genuinely loved making this.

If you’re open to bad movies, you owe it to yourself to take a trip to the down-under and experience this too. You might regret it, but you won’t ever forget it.

Intermission!

• Dude hanging upside-down on a cross, he can’t be having a good day
• “Shadowman inside, and I know he didn’t come to pray.”
• “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity, Carl!”
• Did they just do a screen transition with a wipe?
• Little kids often play on the freeway at night
• That’s one very quick death and transition
• The entrance of the CGI sedan is epic
• Huge alien bug attack!
• Did he… just get un-killed by having a car run through him?
• What’s up with the dude in the giant garbage bag outfit?
• You can literally shoot your foot off if you’re walking funny
• The sketchbook coming to life and bleeding from the eye
• The laughing troll doll is not a good sign
• The fakest apartment building ever
• Her mom really looks like a man
• And now a side story with a jumper
• Yup, time to arm up with all of the random weapons in your best friend’s closet
• The running gag of the troll dolls taunting him
• How can he bring his car with him into the afterlife?
• Did he bring a can of beans with him to the afterlife?
• I would not sleep on the ground in this place if I had a perfectly comfy car behind me
• “This is nuts.” You’ve just described this entire film.
• NOW you guys are out of ammo? Where were you getting it in the first place? I thought you had god mode turned on!
• Grenades can make convenient bridges. Somehow.
• Your wife appearing out of an atomic bomb explosion is a normal thing down here
• “We are on a highway to hell! AC/DC. 1980.”
• Purgatory must have an amazing roadway repair budget because these streets are pristine
• Guys, you’re on a bridge over LAVA. You don’t have to light your dead friend on fire as a funeral pyre, just push him a few inches to the left.