“It’s Bernie, mate. Not Bern, Bernie.”

Drake’s rating: This is what happens when the Piggly Wiggly mascot goes bad

Drake’s review: It should be obvious by now to any attentive Mutant that one should never, under any circumstances, EVER trek into the Australian Outback. Whether it’s to avoid the marauding bands of car-crazy raiders, the inbred clans of asbestos miners looking to kidnap clueless victims or even the simple threat of a serial killer roaming the wasteland*, Australian film directors have made it quite clear that the Outback is a wretched place for those unaware of its myriad of dangers.

To be fair, director Russell Mulcahy attempted to warn the rest of the world about another dire threat peculiar to his native land, but it was 1984 and there was a lot going on that year and a movie about a giant wild pig (Razorback) just failed to make any headway against the busting of ghosts and the karate-ing of kids. But just because we ignored it doesn’t mean that the menace went away. Indeed, it only got bigger and meaner, and in 2017 resurfaced as a horror flick that is now my number one reason to never visit the Australian Outback. That’s right, I’m talking about Boar.

Now I’m reasonably sure we’ve all seen at least a few “nature run amok” flicks over the years, and of course Jaws sits at the top of the heap, happily gobbling up the lion’s share of attention as easily as the movie’s great white shark gobbled up Quint’s boat. And Quint, for that matter. But you have to admit, there is one very easy way to avoid being consumed by a shark, and that’s to stay out of the ocean. Pretty simple, really.

And of course, if you want to avoid a wild pig the size of a car and sporting meter-long tusks, you could easily say, “Well, just avoid the Outback.” That’s obviously great advice, but it comes too late for the victims of the titular boar, a carnivorous beast that can send a full-size truck tumbling off of the road with nothing more than a full head of steam and a bad attitude.

And let’s face it, sometimes you just want a movie about a giant boar running around the Outback and indulging in all sorts of pig-related carnage. And carnage is what this giant boar is all about, as it tears its way through hunters and campers alike before setting its gaze on a family who have picked the wrong time and place to take a vacation.

Fortunately for the family involved, they’re visiting the mother’s brother who lives on a nearby farm and he knows the area well. Even more fortunate is that the man, Bernie by name, is played by authentically huge human being Nathan Jones (of Mad Max: Fury Road fame) who looks to be able to at least give the humongous hog a run for his money when things inevitably get down & dirty. Still, even a big man like Bernie is going to have issues with a boar that must weigh in the neighborhood of a metric ton and seemingly holds a grudge against every human it comes across for the crime of enjoying ham with their eggs.

Boar is a pretty darn good entry into the natural horror sub-genre. The monster itself is well constructed and, aside from a slight bit of dodgy CGI, is primarily a practical effect. And it’s certainly the main draw here, an intimidating beast that comes crashing into the scene like a freight train to wreak hoggy havoc, trampling and goring its hapless victims with a certain amount of animalistic glee.

However, the great detail that went into the boar animatronic is generally lacking in the film’s humans. The story moves from one set of characters to the next but they’re never really fleshed out beyond the barest of motivations, so it’s difficult to have anything other than a passing interest in most of them. It’s not a fatal flaw for Boar, which is honestly more interested in the big pig than its victims, but it does mean that it’s difficult to become invested in the human part of the drama.

But really, Boar is a full-fledged slasher, a horror flick about a massive pig with no qualms about going on a rampant killing spree in the Outback. If that’s what you’re looking for, then watch this flick and I guarantee you’ll be in hog heaven.

* The excellent Road Games with Jamie Lee Curtis, which I was sure had been reviewed on the site. Not only was I mistaken, but Justin invoked the “you mentioned it, you review it” clause in my Mutant Contract, so I’ll be heading into the Outback one more time…

Intermission!

• When the effects company is called Slaughter FX, you pretty well know going in what kind of movie this is going to be.
• Given his horror movie background, I’m shocked that Bill Moseley’s character Bruce isn’t in league with the boar.
• Admittedly, it is pretty amusing how the huge boar can sneak around quietly before roaring into the scene like an 18-wheeler. It almost makes one think it’s sneaking around on tip-toes like it’s right out of an old Loony Tunes cartoon.
• Be sure to keep an eye out for Mad Max veterans Roger Ward (as Blue) and Steve Bisley (as barfly Bob).
• Nathan Jones singing along to Vanilla Ice is something I did NOT expect to see.
• There’s some nice scenery in Boar, by the way. It’s a well-shot movie with some beautiful backdrops. I’d say go and see the place for yourselves, but I don’t want to lose any Mutant readers to gargantuan feral hogs.