“The only men I see more than once are the firemen.”

Justin’s rating: I always thought Jordan from Real Genius would make good girlfriend material

Justin’s review: Growing up is hard enough under normal circumstances, but it’s even tougher when your mom is a domineering tyrant and you happen to erupt in flames whenever your hormones get the best of you.

Such are the travails of April (Michelle Meyrink, Real Genius), who’s been kept away from boys her whole life because of her unintentional pyrotechnics. Her mom (Barbara Harris) keeps interfering with her love life, no doubt creating some severe mental hangups. Then again, it’s not like she’s completely wrong — April does have the habit of making things around her burst into flames if she gets a little too excited on a date. Heck, she even carries a fire extinguisher with her.

In a way, April’s got X-Men-like mutant powers, except that she can’t control them or channel them in a fight against Magneto and the Sentinels. Instead, she’s got to work around them if she’s ever to connect with guys long enough to get a second date.

Her best shot for a happy ending might be in a rekindled romance with childhood friend Andy (William O’Leary, Hot Shots!), a daffy boy who’s up for a ping-pong scholarship in China. But while the two of them seem to have a magical connection, April’s going to have to outwit her incredibly devious mom who, as we discover very early on, is actually planting remote-controlled pyrotechnics around places that April visits to carry on with this controlling charade.

This is gaslighting to a weird extreme — kind of quirky but also the actions of a psychopath. Maybe it has something to do with a throwaway line about how her husband left them both. Makes me wonder if she was lighting fires in his clothes, too.

Anyway, Andy isn’t deterred by all of the fires, nor a rival suitor in the form of Wallace Shawn (The Princess Bride), who plays an actual pyromaniac named Ellen (not, please note, “Helen,” because that would be silly).

Nice Girls Don’t Explode is mostly an excuse in broad slapstick — fires, falling down, goofy music, more fires, oh-so-delightful misunderstandings, and so on. None of it is laugh-out-loud funny, but it’s got a goofy charm as Andy and April work out the details of their unusual relationship.

It’s also an excuse to portray the worst mother in movie history. Well, A worst mother at least. Comedy or no, I didn’t find April’s unnamed mom to be funny at all, just infuriatingly mean and meddling and in dire need of a huge attitude adjustment. Does she get her comeuppance?  Nope, not really! Well that’s unsatisfying!

This indie romance is dedicated to its own style and can be respected for it. Honestly, I think this would’ve worked better without the mom angle and with April being a real firestarter. As it is, there are moments to this stage play farce that are really funny, others that are maddening. I came away feeling burned out on it.

Intermission!

• The entire opening credits were scrapbooked
• “I don’t want to set the world on fire” song — which I know far too well from the Fallout games
• Hahaha flying cat
• “Honey, do you know why mommy spanked you?” “Because I made Fluffy fly.”
• She’s got her pulse rate down to 58. She’ll probably be fine on a date.
• Don’t date guys who wear sunglasses inside
• One kiss just cost you your entire car, man
• Cat tails make for good tear dryers
• The middle of sandboxes are safe places to be
• “Are those your kids?”
• Andy really wants his pants
• “Man, we had some pretty good times in that slaughterhouse!”
• That ice bath looks terrible
• “No cookies!”
• Fluffy gets fire extinguished
• Andy giving Fig Newtons to April’s mom got a chuckle out of me — plus he keeps throwing her clothes out the window
• “Come on little shaver!”
• Is it even possible to have sex in a hammock?
• Ketchup on sushi? You monster!
• “Tell your mother to drop dead!”