“Get off my plane!”

Justin’s rating: The prez wears a grey tie, so now I wonder if he’s a Tory or a Whig

Justin’s review: In the annals of ’90s movie presidents, it’s either Bill Pullman or Harrison Ford for me. One’s a fighter jock who gives speeches without teleprompters, and the other one moonlights as John McClaine on an airplane.

The joke is that Ford’s characters always seemed to be climbing the ladder of life in the ’90s, starting with his prisoner days in The Fugitive, his time in the CIA in the Tom Clancy flicks, and now as the Commander in Chief in Air Force One. It was a good compromise between his younger days of hot-blooded action and his middle-aged era of mature role models. I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of people showed up to this film because they wished, on some level, that Harrison Ford was the leader of the free world.

Medal of Honor recipient President James Marshall (Ford) announces in a global speech that he’s really, really, really had it with terrorists. That’s a pretty controversial stance, but he’s all about it. All those other previous presidents that invited terrorists to sleepovers and birthday parties? That’s not going to happen on HIS shift, mister! He’s going to give them a stern look and a strong finger-wagging, probably followed by patriotic tactical nukes.

This posturing irks an actual terrorist named Korshunov (Gary Oldman), who manages to bring a full terrorist team on board Air Force One for a hijacking of the supreme order. (Don’t ask how. Please don’t ask how. This movie is on its knees, begging you, do not ask how and don’t turn the page so that we’re closer to the monster at the end of the book.) He even captures Marshall’s wife and daughter while executing hostages on the half-hour, just to up the stakes.

But while everyone’s caught flat-footed by this, including the Secret Service, Marshall escapes and begins enacting AMERICAN JUSTICE the only way he knows how: with fists, bullets, and explosions. And also some hide-and-seek, because it’s never a bad time to play games!

Meanwhile on the ground, Vice President Glenn Close is making tough calls and learning not to negotiate with those wily terrorists. However, I kind of zone out during her scenes because there are no fists, bullets, or explosions, only Dean Stockwell sans Ziggy.

Let’s not let the bombastic Jerry Goldsmith score elevate Air Force One to unearned hero status. What we have here is a basic by-the-numbers popcorn summer blockbuster that the whole family could enjoy. (I was honestly shocked to discover that it’s R-rated rather than PG-13.)

The titular airplane certainly gave this film a more interesting angle than a generic passenger plane. It’s pretty big, has a lot of interesting little areas, and is even stocked with a getaway pod that looks like an Apollo capsule for some reason.

Perhaps the best surprise in a very predictable story is that William H Macy is a silent background character for the first half of the film, only to emerge as 100% William H Awesome in the second half. That’s pretty gutsy, to hold a terrific character actor in your back pocket to spice up the later portions of the film.

The only part that had me banging my head in frustration is how this film briefly mentions the 25th Amendment but never takes the power of the Presidency away from Marshall. Even with his family being held at gunpoint, even with the President himself clearly compromised, he’s still able to deliver orders — oblique or direct — to lackeys or other countries and those orders are followed. What should’ve happened is that the second the hijacking took place, the VP would’ve assumed the role of the Presidency and completely cut Marshall out of the chain of command.

Yes, it’s beyond ludicrous that the bad guys are allowed to get as far as they do, but this is Hollywood, where silly hypotheticals are fleshed out into feature films. Part of the fun is seeing how the writers bend over backwards to give the President the action man role instead of the dozens of other people who logically would be standing between him and anyone with guns.

As much fun as it would be to pick apart the setup, I got swept up in how much breezy fun this all is. By minute 20, the gunfire and hijacking is in full swing, and the movie keeps the tempo snapping along with edge-of-your-seat action. There are fighter jets, betrayals, crazy stunts, juicy squibs, Gary Oldman practically giving himself a stroke in every scene, and not a few golden quotes that the audience would be repeating to each other on the way out of the theater.

It’s as “U! S! A! U! S! A!” as a movie could get, and unapologetically so. It’s also a rather decent Die Hard clone that rises among a sea of them. We had good fun back in the ’90s.

Intermission!

• OK, could these opening credits be any more pompous for the popcorn flick that’s about to follow?
• Shooting people while parachuting looks ridiculously easy and fun
• That security guy is getting so fired for letting all of these terrorists on board
• And now… the tour! We love a good movie set tour.
• The President often signs stuff he has no idea what it is
• No 12-year-old girl would be like “Daaaad I wanna see all the human misery of the refugee cammmmmmps!”
• Presidents don’t like to be interrupted during a makeout sesh
• There is a shocking lack of bullet holes with all of these guns going off
• “No matter what happens, we land this aircraft, is that understood?”
• And now he’s got explosives?
• “Those are guesses, but I don’t know if they’re educated.”
• “…and his baseball glove!”
• All these airplane movies LOVE using those little food elevators
• Thrilling luggage sorting action! Manual reading!
• “I’ve just been ordered to fire on Air Force One.”
• If You Give a Mouse a Cookie is not the reference I thought this film would be mentioning
• “This works, you get to be Postmaster General.” THAT’S how promotions work.
• That’s the most triumphant a movie’s ever been about a fax machine
• This movie doesn’t handle the 25th Amendment very well, does it?
• Ha ha some people are skydiving without a cute
• Yeah, that ending CGI crash is just as bad as advertised