“We don’t know anything about this creature other than it, like everyone else, hates a mouth full of shaving cream.”

Justin’s rating: I mean, OBVIOUSLY there’s something out there. I want my money back.

Justin’s review: Years before Scream was subverting the slasher genre with meta commentary and self-awareness, 20-year-old Rolfe Kanefsky wrote and shot a movie that greatly predated what would become a late ’90s trend.

What we have here is a creature feature starring a giant frog-like alien trying to kill and/or impregnate some isolated teens at a cabin in the woods. They’d all be frog food, too, if it wasn’t for Mike. Mike is to There’s Nothing Out There as Randy is to Scream — the horror movie fanatic who knows all the “rules” and thereby offers the best possible advice to actually living to see another sunrise. The big difference is that Mike isn’t a side character but the main hero.

So for the entire movie, Mike is calling out every single horror movie trope as it happens and what everyone should be doing because of them. Sometimes they take his advice, sometimes not, but suffice to say, Mike is always, always right. Every horror flick he ever watched was in preparation for this, his great day, and he’s not going to let us down.

Apart from Mike, who seems like he drags down any social function he attends, this is a pretty likable group of “teens.” Probably the most curious members are a dweeb with slicked back hair and glasses who’s dating a Brazilian girl who can barely speak English. I really wanted to know a lot more about their relationship and what she sees in him.

Because this is, at the end of the day, a comedy, there are a few good laughs and a general light-hearted tone that eliminates any tension for some fun times. The whole movie is a gigantic riff on the stupidity of horror movie characters and how any logically thinking person wouldn’t make such bone-headed decisions.

Also helping with the offbeat tone is the frog creature itself, which sports a wide array of crazy abilities such as mind control and laser blasts.

This movie doesn’t just pay lip service to the horror greats — it works plenty of references to them in the actual proceedings of this terrible, slimy weekend. In that way, it’s also a predecessor to the excellent Cabin in the Woods, as it loves and reveres the very movies that it’s deconstructing.

It’s apparent that There’s Nothing Out There was made by an amateur with some genuine raw talent. It’s not slick, it’s not always even, but you can sense the playfulness and creativity behind the camera — much like Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead. Allegedly this crew shot the whole movie on video first to practice before committing it to film, and I have to think that helped to eliminate a greater degree of “rough around the edges” than we ended up getting.

With a clever angle, entertaining writing, all the shaving cream that 1991 had to offer, and an over-the-top silly angle, There’s Nothing Out There is a joyous cult discovery that serves as a witty capstone at the end of a decade of bad horror tropes and idiotic teens making all the wrong calls. Pair this with Popcorn, and you’ve got a recipe for an unusually great meta horror movie evening from the early ’90s.

Intermission!

• That is one packed video store — how many of those film covers do you recognize?
• The girl going crosseyed after the car crash
• Ooh super trippy opening credits and theme
• “I’d love it, am I invited?” “No, we’re just playing with your head.”
• That’s what we call a “warning sign”
• “I should investigate… not a chance” [runs for the house]
• The teens gleefully running into that pond made me think of leeches
• “Nick, have you ever heard of the words ‘foreshadowing?'”
• “Those kids were born to be murder victims and just paid us a visit.”
• This is a surprisingly decked out cabin, er, house in the woods. Could probably raise a family of four there.
• And now a gratuitous shower scene
• “Huh is that an Indian sweat lodge over there?”
• Mike’s animal impressions
• Green slime is always a bad sign
• “He likes to watch horror films, all right?” “He IS a horror film!”
• Mike’s room prep is pretty elaborate
• Not a lot of movies would dare for a bra transition
• “DON’T SAY BEAR!”
• The triumphant military music when Mike pops out in full gear
• This is one very slapsticky fight
• Haha cat jump scare
• You’d think that everyone would be looking for their missing friends come the morning, but nah, let’s make breakfast
• MAP ATTACK
• I can’t believe how many times people swim in this scummy pond
• Laser blast to the eyes!
• That’s an impressive jump — from inside a bedroom, through a closed window, and all the way into a pond for a safe landing
• “I scratched them off a long time ago.”
• Tentacles can be used to tie a critter to a tree — should’ve killed it then tho
• “Napping?”
• Melty face is “disgusting,” according to Mike
• Nobody likes a mouthful of shaving cream
• “Jim’s in the other room melting right now.” “Is he dead?” “Yes, melting is another indication of death.”
• “So you’re saying we’re in a movie?” [looks right at the camera] “It’s a distinct possibility.”
• Nice little Alien reference
• Walking on rocks in a bikini can’t be fun on the feet
• You just brained your friend with a baseball bat, how are you going to live with yourself after that?
• …oh, you’re going to get your head chopped off via window guillotine
• “Dirty water make mud!”
• “Someone paying you to stand in front of open windows? I’ve got some razor blades if you’d like to play with those in the corner.”
• Cats love to be used as weapons against aliens
• Nick uses a boom mike to swing away from the alien (to a bad rendition of the Indiana Jones theme)
• The three rules: Don’t look in its eyes, beware the slime, and don’t try to kiss it
• Mind control rays can be thwarted by sunglasses
• …and they’re in the pond again
• “This is not a question and answer period!”
• Maybe cover up your dead topless friend who’s been lying on the couch like that all day?
• Stacy is back… and very possibly impregnated