“What are you saying, Nessip? A prison break at thirty-thousand feet?”

Drake’s rating: Please don’t make a drinking game out of how many times I mention skydiving in this review. I don’t want to be responsible for that much carnage.

Drake’s review: So let’s say you have an action movie script featuring skydiving as the central element, with the heroes, the villains, and everyone in between strapping on a parachute and jumping out of airplanes. That sounds like a fairly kinetic, fast-paced ride, right? So who do you get to star in such a feature? Well, if you’re the producers of Drop Zone, you immediately point the gun at your foot and make the call to Steven Seagal.

I have no idea why Seagal said no*, but fortunately for all involved (especially the audience), he did. And that left the door open for Wesley Snipes, hot off of the success of Demolition Man, to take the lead role. Having kicked off the ‘90s as the arch-villain in Mario Van Peebles’ New Jack City, Snipes was well on his way to becoming one of the hottest stars of the decade (which would culminate with his starring role in Blade, the best comic book movie of all time**). Throw in a perpetually wild-eyed Gary Busey and an inspired score by Hans Zimmer and you’ve got a sure-fire winner, right?

Well, not quite. Drop Zone wasn’t a box office hit, even though it has “summer popcorn flick” written all over it. The problem there was that some super genius at Paramount Pictures decided that what Drop Zone really needed was to be dropped in the midst of holiday releases… and put it on the schedule for December of 1994.

I dunno. Maybe whoever scheduled it was a disgruntled Seagal fan. Regardless, the movie just never found an audience during its run, although it has found some fans in the years since thanks to cable television and video releases.

We start with a computer software expert (who, since this is the ‘90s, can basically wave his laptop like a magic wand and make the seemingly impossible happen) who is in witness protection being transported by a pair of U.S. Marshals (who also happen to be brothers) but then some bad guys grab the computer expert and cause a ruckus on the plane and stuff blows up and gets smoky and then they jump out (from a 747 at over thirty-thousand feet) and one of the Marshals saves a little girl but then he falls through the gaping hole in the plane’s fuselage and since everyone thinks it was a hijacking gone awry no one is looking for the bad guys except the surviving Marshal who has to go it alone since the blame is falling on him and his partner/brother.

Whew. Let me take a breath here. And that’s just the first ten minutes!

It’s a quick introduction to the characters and ideas, and the film builds as Pete Nessip (Snipes) tracks down clues as to who might be capable of making such a dangerous jump from a jumbo jet. And we find out more about the baddies, led of course by Busey, who plan to break into top secret government computers (which they will have to skydive to get to… no, I’m serious) to download the identities of all of the undercover DEA agents and then sell them to the highest bidder.

So it’s cops & robbers with everyone hitting the silk and using slang like “burn in” and “gift wrap.” And when the skydivers that Pete works with aren’t talking about skydiving, they’re skydiving. And competing to skydive. And skipping the skydiving competition to go skydiving after the skydiving bad guys. This is honestly the skydivingest movie I’ve ever seen. It’s like the filmmakers took the skydiving scenes out of Point Break and then extended them into a full-length feature.

And that’s not really a criticism. Drop Zone is a fun flick, one that you can leave on any time and have fun with, simply because it’s unpretentious and full of action and exceptional stunt work. The good guys are a likable bunch (with Kyle Secor nearly stealing the show as Swoop) and the baddies are despicable, with Gary Busey still in full Lethal Weapon mode. The biggest problem is that the action soon overtakes the rest of the movie, and the plot just kind of gives up the ghost as it gets overrun by skydivers twirling and pirouetting through the air.

Honestly, though, that’s all forgivable if you’re in the mood for a good popcorn movie, and Drop Zone definitely fits the bill. It’s a great-looking movie with a charismatic lead and tons of action, and it doesn’t star Steven Seagal. What more could you ask for?

*Maybe he was getting choked out by martial arts legend “Judo” Gene LeBell at the time. Who knows?

**We all know this to be true.

Intermission!

• That’s a bad way to get the finger.
• Wait, the airline is using a Mac? A ‘90s Mac???
• I’m not 100% certain what being “dick brained” is supposed to mean, but I’ll be sure to use the phrase in daily conversations from now on.
• Bald with a pony tail is certainly a look. It was later made illegal, after the “Seriously, Dude?” law was passed in 1996.
• Granted, we do get quite a few green-screened close-ups of the stars intermixed with authentic (and impressive) skydiving footage. Pretty hard to avoid in the ‘90s.
• Yes, Wesley Snipes does get to show off his Shotokan Karate skills here. Which is much cooler than Aikido performed at the speed of molasses.
• Oof. That last shot with Busey. Let’s all just ignore that and enjoy the end of the flick anyway. Look, we get more Swoop! We all like Swoop, right?