“There’s three rules; No private property, no one is allowed to leave, and you don’t do the dirty deed with your next of kin.”

Justin’s rating: I think this movie destroyed my vocabulary

Justin’s review: When you’re thinking of a light-hearted quirky comedy set in Australia, I’m willing to wager that a very short list comes to mind. Hopefully Mick Dundee is joined by the Kerrigans on that list, but it’s not going to be enough for a marathon. So to help you out with some ’90s Down Under humor, I’ll toss Welcome to Woop Woop at you and run like mad in the opposite direction.

I’m running because there’s a 50-50 chance that you’ll absolutely hate this or fall for its unique qualities. Allegedly, this has been called “Australia’s worst film” for misrepresenting Aussies, so you know that it’s made powerful enemies along the way. Then again, it’s been heralded as a work of dark comedic genius for representing Aussies. As I said, 50-50.

NYC con man Teddy (Johnathon Schaech) gets in over his head during an exotic bird sale (don’t ask) and he flees all the way to the Outback for safety. That seems a little extreme, but Teddy doesn’t seem like he’s got a five-year plan in place, so why not.

There he bumps into the locals who find his Yankeeness of the utmost fascination. Among those is Angie (Susie Porter), a beer-drinking oasis of a woman. After hooking up, she knocks him out and drags Teddy to Woop Woop, a very small (and incestuous) town of just one family that won’t let anyone leave, ever. That’s helped by the fact that Woop Woop sits in a crater surrounded by impassable mountains and guarded by rifle-toting yokels who’ll shoot escapees and turn them into chow.

As he deals with his newfound “married” life and the bizarre state of the locals, Teddy attempts to figure a way out of the town and away from its tyrant, Daddy-O (Rod Taylor). I mean, it used to be an asbestos factory and now they make dog food from kangaroos and exclusively listen to Rodgers and Hammerstein. It’s not really a place that you’d like to live, never mind visit.

Even though Teddy’s a slick operator who doesn’t have a problem abandoning people when it suits him, he doesn’t deserve this kind of horrible purgatory. If it wasn’t for the slapsticky humor and surreal atmosphere, this might even be a horror movie. It’s fortunate that Teddy’s got a spine to him and a good dose of cleverness, and that’s what made me root for him to triumph over this ludicrous situation.

But if he’s going to get out, he’ll need a couple allies on his side — and Angie’s sister Krystal (Dee Smart) has a lot going on behind her shrewd eyes.

Welcome to Woop Woop is chock-full of Australian flavor, from the odd names of its towns to the importance of beer to the local slang to the rather liberal relationship the locals have with swearing. When all of that is channeled through a remote town of unhinged loonies, the effect is overwhelming and absurd.

I suppose it’s the tonal whiplash of this movie — sashaying between gags and character quirks and murder and dog hunting and kangaroo chainsawing and aggressive sex and showtunes — that will make most audiences fidget nervously or look for a quick exit. Like some cult comedies, you either vibe with the weirdness or you are repelled by it.

While I’m normally on board with this, there’s a mean, nasty streak running through this that I can’t condone. It makes me think less of Australia, and that’s not how I want to envision this country in movies.

Intermission!

• “No animals were mistreated or harmed during the making of this film. And no humans either.”
• Great pick for a theme song
• It’s an illegal exotic bird van. Those are everywhere in NYC.
• Fake mustache and soul patch
• “I AM CLASSICALLY TRAINED!”
• “Sylvia, are you on drugs?” [shoots a guy in the foot] “Yeah.”
• If exotic birds fly around in NYC, everyone is allowed to fire wildly at them
• Bet you didn’t think you’d be watching a guy clubbing a kangaroo to death with a guitar, did ya?
• That’s quite a reaction to seeing the ocean
• How the “wedding” photos explain why Teddy wakes up with frosting all over his face
• Sparking tap shoes
• Nice Far Side reference
• That’s a huge garbage pile
• Of course the dog food would be “Woof Woof”
• Kids at this school learn the three rules for maintaining chainsaws
• Dog Day is not a good day if you’re an animal lover
• They strangle runts at birth? Geez.