“C’mon Joe, let’s go! We’ve got ground to cover! The open road, the sky, desert, beer, gas, ride forever!”

Justin’s rating: It’s a free road indeed

Justin’s review: Hey man, you cool? Are you so cool that you’d saddle up on a hog and cruise right into a ’90s indie road trip flick that’s been described as “Easy Rider meets Twin Peaks?” Would you like to check off another obscure John Cusack role? Then welcome, my friend, to Roadside Prophets.

Starring two musicians — X’s John Doe and Beastie Boys’ Ad-Rock — this movie is nothing more substantial than a couple of biker outcasts cruising around Nevada in an attempt to fulfill their individual quests. Mellow Joe (Doe) wants to bring the ashes of a newfound friend to his favorite casino, while high-strung Sam (Ad-Rock) is seeking the motel where his parents killed themselves.

I mean, if you’re going to ride motorcycles around a state to soak in the scenery and bump into a whole lot of abject weirdness, Nevada is a pretty solid pick.

Roadside Prophets offers that fun indie pastime of spotting famous actors moonlighting in quirky roles. In addition to John Cusack (with a pirate patch, arrr), this film roped in Don Cheadle, David Carradine, Flea, Timothy Leary, and Stephen Tobolowsky in bit parts. It’s also directed by Sid and Nancy writer Abbe Wool, who brings some of that punk spirit forward. That lineup actually got me pretty excited to see this — and I’m certainly glad I did.

This movie is pumped up with a counterculture vibe that focuses on the fringe of society instead of its core. To me, that’s authentic America versus Hollywood’s generic America. People are weird, the whole lot of them, and I’ve always identified with such movies that let the freak flag fly.

People are also achingly lonely at times, which gets to the core of Joe and Sam’s relationship. Both have embarked on their quixotic quests because they’ve lost the real connections they had to other people — and in so doing, end up forming a strange and unlikely friendship. Sam is extremely hyper and impressionable (and calls everyone he meets “insane”), gradually molding himself in the image of Joe while Joe takes up a big brother role (a little against his will).

But mostly they just cruise down the road — to a great soundtrack, I might add — and bump into every eclectic nutbar lurking in cafes and hotels. Occasionally there’s a bit of hippie-style pontificating about the meaning of life that doesn’t mean much or add to the scene, but I just blipped over those parts.

However, I can’t excuse the ending, because Roadside Prophets is one of those movies that obviously couldn’t figure out how to wrap things up and elected to simply stop rolling the cameras. [Spoilers ahead] Joe just dumps the ashes of his friend in the desert, Sam never gets closure on his parents, they both lose their bikes to a lame gambling montage, and Sam up and abandons Joe to ride with a supremely annoying last-minute love interest. Dudes, if I’m going to give you a couple hours of my time, the very least you can do is put in the effort to formulate a conclusion that carries the movies themes and narrative to a satisfying end!

Sometimes I internally compare movies to imbibing drinks or food as a metaphor to how I consume it. For example, very cringy, boring, or tense flicks are meals that I have to steel myself to eat, bite by bite, while not enjoying any of it. For the most part, Roadside Prophets surprisingly turned out to be a smooth glass of refreshing entertainment. It wasn’t deep, it wasn’t offensive, and it didn’t lose me along the way. It was simply satisfying, scene after scene, as a road trip movie should be.

Intermission!

• “John Doe” does not seem like it should be allowable as an actor name that gets top billing
• Arcade games can be quite lethal, especially in strip clubs
• “What are they going to say when they hear that I’ve cremated their son?”
• Don’t call Mr. Andrews “Andy”
• What a “gazetteer” is
• “It’s tight man, it’s tight!”
• “No, I’m worried about being in the middle of the desert with somebody who doesn’t own his own cigarettes.”
• I love everything about that ’50s diner
• The face of the cook and waitress as John Cusack’s character orders a ridiculous amount of food
• It’s hard to wink with an eyepatch
• “FREE FOOD FOR THE POOR!”
• Why wouldn’t Sam have a Roman candle on him?
• Save the little water creatures!
• Sam hallucinating golfing bikers
• Any place that bills itself as a “House of Dead Meat” is a helpful place
• “Did this kid suffer a head injury recently?”
• “Six more meals and I would’ve made Guinness!”
• This last-minute girl is so dang annoying