“E.T. phone home.”

Justin’s rating: The one good use for a Speak ‘n’ Spell that’s ever been discovered

Justin’s review: Trying to review E.T. in the year 2023 is almost impossible. It just is.

Everyone knows of this movie. It was a pop culture touchstone of the ’80s and has since been dissected, backlashed, touched up, and referenced so many times that to talk about this as you would a normal film is pointless. You’re not going to really sway anyone.

So I’m going to ramble and you’re going to excuse my rambling, just this one time. E.T. may have been the earliest experience that I had with a film phenomenon aside from Star Wars, and its presence felt like the true beginning of the ’80s. This original concept — without any sequels, can you believe it? — not only touched on many aspects of my early childhood, it echoed it. I think it did for a lot of people.

Spielberg’s genius of this film wasn’t merely giving us a friendly little stranded alien critter who is a candy junkie and wants to go home. The real masterstroke here is using this far-out concept as a reflecting mirror of the universal experience of what it’s like being a kid.

Elliott is a middle kid who gets pushed aside by his older brother’s cool friends (who play D&D and wear truly silly biking accessories, has a little sister who he doesn’t relate to very much, and is deeply missing his dad who abandoned the family. Until about the last quarter of the film, no adult’s face is seen except his mother — signifying how these grown-ups aren’t part of his world at three-and-a-half feet off the ground. In only a few scenes without a lot of melodramatic arm-twisting, we understand that he’s got this huge hole of loneliness in his life.

A hole into which falls an unexpected friend.

The story of E.T. and Elliott growing closer, having amusing escapades, and trying to figure out how to get the former back to his home planet isn’t that complicated. I just rewatched this with my own children and was surprised to realize how low-key and simple the events are. But that John Williams score, Spielberg’s excellent pacing, the genuine humor (we all still laughed and learned that “penis breath,” while amusing, is not something you should say at the dinner table), and the race against time keeps all of this quite captivating.

It’s not a perfect movie, and if you want to be mean or truthful, you can poke holes in plenty of places here. It’s really strange how the government finds out where E.T. is pretty early on and makes almost no move to capture him until much later, even though they spy on the kids and invade the house at one point. I still have no idea how E.T. comes back to life after he dies, as the film doesn’t try to explain it. In fact, most of E.T.’s powers make little sense. And what is his actual name, even?

But I think E.T. captured — and probably still captures — people’s imaginations because of how great it is at conveying the sense of wonder, mystery, and confusion that it is to be a child. We all thought we were as cool on our Huffy bikes as the kids in this film, even though they’re kind of dorky in trying to evade the police and E.T. has to save their butts with his flying magic. We believed in all sorts of amazing things that were unseen by the adult world. I loved that Spielberg even takes the time to show Elliott playing with his toys or Gertie having her mom read Peter Pan to her at bedtime. These are all elements that we kind of forget about as we grow up… at least until a movie comes along to remind us.

I don’t really care if E.T. is seen as popular, a relic, or overrated in our cynical internet age. It’s still a delightful movie full of great touches and lush cinematography. And that moment when the adults find the empty van and the movie smash-cuts to the kids racing away on bikes to John Williams’ score exploding in excitement is one of the best moments that Spielberg ever devised.

As a fun little coda to my review, I wanted to share some thoughts on the theme park ride at Universal Studios. E.T. Adventure opened with the park in 1990 and remains the only launch day ride still operating (which is a shame, but such is the state of parks). My family and I got to go to Universal for the first time in February 2024, which was sadly too late to experience some of the classics like Jaws or Back to the Future. And while some of the newer attractions are pretty great, none hit me as hard as E.T. did.

I really wasn’t expecting the gut punch of nostalgia that I got walking into this, but you have to understand how much I love classic dark rides from the ’80s and ’90s. This was truly magical and became my favorite ride of the whole trip. Even the line was great, as we walked through a simulated forest with moody evening lighting. And the ride, which had you board suspended bikes that flew over scenes from the film and then to E.T.’s home planet, enveloped me in darkness as I soaked in all of the details and enjoyed the smooth journey.

Yes, the end gets a little silly with all of the goofy aliens being more of a cartoon than anything else, but this is the sort of ride that I fondly remember from now-extinct attractions at Disney and elsewhere. No screens, no 3-D glasses, no “let’s jerk you all over the place to trigger your adrenal glands.” Just a story — prefaced by Spielberg himself! — and an experience that replicated some of that wonder from the film.

It’s sad that the other two versions of this ride were closed down a while back, but at least the one in Florida remains. Hopefully it will for a long time to come, because I’d like to come back some day… maybe with grandkids.