“May I put you on hold while I run to my desk? Uh… you’re not calling from a bridge or holding a weapon, are you?”

Justin’s rating: Best Christmas tree ever

Justin’s review: Do you ever feel that odd mix of bashful and excited when you discover a movie from a past decade that you really should’ve seen before now? I swear, Mixed Nuts was never on my radar until this past year, despite it coming from Nora Ephron and starring Steve Martin. It feels somehow extra-shameful considering that this is packed with comedy legends, including Madeline Khan, Garry Shandling, Adam Sandler, Rob Reiner, and many more.

“Excited bashful shame” is the state in which I live most days, so I might as well see this film too.

It’s Christmas Eve in the boardwalk district of L.A., and pretty much everyone’s lives are going to the dogs. There’s a suicide call center that’s on the verge of being evicted, a hugely pregnant woman with a temper problem, a wall artist without a wall, two rollerbladers who can’t seem to get a Christmas tree home, a lady who is being kept from her dead husband’s sister’s party, a guy who gets dumped over the phone, a malfunctioning elevator, a deadly fruitcake, rumors of a serial killer named the Seaside Strangler, and so much more.

With crazy characters ping-ponging off each other with rapid-fire quips, bizarre circumstances, and slapstick, there’s a definite theater production feel to Mixed Nuts. It feels like all these actors are jockeying for attention, so whenever they get a slice of the screen time, they absolutely go for it with larger-than-life flair. You’ll either like it or hate it — and considering the initial reviews from 1994, most of the people were in the latter camp.

And despite Christmas slathered all over the screen and soundtrack, Mixed Nuts reeks of desperation and black comedy. Everyone is having a pretty bad day but they’re trying, and their forward momentum and slight obliviousness keeps them from sinking into hopelessness.

It’s an anti-Christmas movie in that respect, but who says every Christmas ends up prim and perfect?

I was fascinated to see Adam Sandler before his film career really took off. Here he’s playing more of his baby-talking Billy Madison schtick, and every time he appears, I kept wondering if anyone here realized what kind of rising star they had in their midst.

Steve Martin may get headlining status on the cover, but he’s not so much the star as a rather nebbish member of an ensemble. I kind of missed the more assertive, acerbic Martin that we get in other flicks.

But my favorite character was Mrs. Munchnik, played by Khan. It was delightful to witness the furious chaos that she could bring. Even being stuck in an elevator rapping on a kid’s toy startled laughter out of me. She truly was a comedic treasure that we didn’t appreciate enough when she was here.

I’d easily pair Mixed Nuts with, say, The Ref as an unconventional, unsanitized (unSantatized?) Yuletide comedy. If you’re looking more for laughs than feels and want to spend 90 minutes with several comedy greats, this is worth throwing under the tree.

As long as your tree isn’t your murdered and disguised landlord, of course.

Intermission!

• Any fans of the old TriStar logo?
• The rollerblading snowman — only in California
• Parker Posey and Jon Stewart as the rollerbladers!
• “I can’t stop worrying about the planet.” “And what is it about Janet that’s worrying you?”
• “Men are not true to anything. Men will have sex with a tree.”
• The landlord unscrewing half the bulbs
• “A fruitcake? Remarkably like the one I gave you last year.”
• That’s one slow, slightly malfunctioning elevator
• She’s having a lot of fun with that music toy
• She knitted him pajamas?
• In every pothole there is hope
• When you gotta go so bad you don’t mind peeing in front of strangers
• Fruitcakes are deadly weapons
• “He took an overdose of dog tranquilizers!”
• “I am simply crushed. Here I’ve waited my whole life for you, and now you don’t want me.”
• “I am so good at this.”
• “Have you seen a woman in a bad mood?”
• Yeah, that was a pretty terrible song, Sandler
• If you take a gun away from a crazy person, you best fire off the remaining shots to “empty it”
• Steve Martin putting the girl’s fingerprints back onto the gun is a nice quiet bit of comedy
• “He’s taking a bath with Katherine, would you like to wait?”
• “He’s in the tree. He is the tree.”
• I like how Felix goes from running on the street to a smash cut to climbing a tattoo sign
• “Being alone is so much lonelier at Christmas.”