“Therefore, you will… NARFTLE THE GARTHOK!”

Justin’s rating: This is what Gen X choose as its mascot? OK then.

Justin’s review: I don’t think we anticipated, in the ’90s, that there would come a year in which it would be quite difficult to explain the outright bonkers comedy flicks that emerged in this era. This is especially true for the erratic output of SNL’s sketch lineup, which ranged from “girl who likes to sniff her armpits” to “dudes who like to go clubbing” to “we’re not sure if that person is a guy or a girl and we’re not going to ask.”

And then there was Coneheads. If I recall correctly, Coneheads came right on the heels of the smash hit Wayne’s World, and there was high hopes for a repeat in the box office and pop culture phenomenon. This… did not happen. In fact, no SNL movie since 1992 cleared $50M in revenue (It’s Pat, the worst of the bunch, made almost $61,000).

So this one was kind of a flop, but maybe it was one of those flops that ended up maturing in grace and humor over time? I mean, let’s just pause to look at the stellar lineup in this movie: Dan Aykroyd, Jane Curtin, David Spade, Chris Farley, Parker Posey, Adam Sandler, Michael McKean, Jason Alexander, Sinbad, Eddie Griffin, Phil Hartman, Michael Richards, Drew Carey, Joey Lauren Adams, Dave Thomas, Kevin Nealon, Ellen DeGeneres, Tim Meadows, Tom Arnold, and Jon Lovitz. Whew. If that wall of credits doesn’t deserve a look-see, I don’t know what does.

Since I never watched SNL back in the day, consider this my introduction to the titular Coneheads. These are conquest-minded aliens that crash-land on earth, do goofy things, speak in a high-pitched monotone, eat all sorts of inappropriate things, and, oh, have huge conical-shaped noggins. That’s it. That’s pretty much their schtick.

Without an easy way off planet, the Coneheads decide to “blend in” with the locals. Despite not looking or sounding like humans, everyone kind of accepts them and rolls with it. As they wait for a rescue vessel, Prymatt Conehead gets knocked up, and she and Beldar eventually raise a teenage girl, Connie (Michelle Burke) in this strange environment.

What I didn’t expect was the fact that Coneheads would attempt sort of commentary on immigration, illegal aliens, and the American Dream. Whatever point is trying to be made is lost on me, other than that McKean and Spade’s characters are real meanies who keep trying to bust this family. The Conehead family defense? They’re from “France.” This is supposed to be funny if they repeat it enough.

What I should’ve expected from hearing infrequent mentions of this movie is that Coneheads is rather scattershot. It’s not that comedies based on skits are required to weave an intricate plot, but it does help to actually have one. Instead, what Coneheads has is a whole lot of weird-looking aliens mugging for the camera and saying a lot of nonsense words. I guess we can make a flimsy case for the INS trying to bust these aliens and Prymatt and Beldar struggling with the challenges of parenting — especially when their daughter grows up perfectly assimilated into modern culture and starts dating Chris Farley.

In the last 20 minutes, the movie does take an abrupt turn into all-out science fiction, with spaceships and intergalactic monsters and other worlds. It’s such an abrupt shift — and no doubt an expensive one as well — that it feels like it comes from an entirely different film.

OK, so Coneheads doesn’t have much of a plot — but is it funny? My definitive, authoritative answer to that is… sometimes? I’m a mass consumer of weirdness in cinema, and there’s plenty of oddball behavior to snarf up here. Sometimes the jokes landed, sometimes they didn’t, but I found enough here to keep a streak of amusement going. It was certainly nice to see this many comedians from the high water mark of SNL’s tenure chipping in for something this off-the-wall.

I think there’s something here that warrants a personal evaluation to see if it meshes with your peculiar sense of humor. Failure though it may be, Coneheads is a product that was baked in a special moment in pop culture and carries that conical-shaped flag proudly. I had a pretty good time, even though I am now the parental unit of my own four procreated birthed larvae.

Intermission!

• Ah, some good old-fashioned Kirk fighting a Gorn
• Their spaceship is quite conical shaped
• “We shall remunerate with metallic tender-disks.”
• That’s a lot of toilet paper eating
• Rain = hydrogen droplets
• That’s a whole lot of cigarettes that he’s speaking at once
• Condoms make for a chewing gum substitute
• The little map where he sets illegal aliens on fire
• That’s a lot of rows of teeth
• That’s opening pretty wide
• Ah yes, I remember when we called our parents “parental units”
• “Impending clone prepares for its emergence.”
• That’s quite the water breaking
• Those are some seriously high cone helmets
• Waffles = grid-like breakfast slabs
• “Astronauts to the moon AHAHAHAHA!”
• Coneheads like to drive with sunroofs open
• “Aww you’re just being nice.” “…yes.”
• I did like it when Prymatt found random things funny and would bust out laughing.
• “When my species comes to rule this planet, your name will be put on the protective rolls and will come to no harm.”
• Coneheads are great for diving with minimal splash
• That’s a pretty good firework
• “The stench would be great.” “Oh Beldar, you have made me happy.”
• Coneheads do not have butts
• 144,000 earthling survivors is optimistic
• Didn’t think this movie would end with a battle against a giant stop-motion space monster, but here we are
• Golf wins the day