“The machines don’t kill us all. They more just rip apart the fabric of our society via dance videos on Tik Tok.” “They use dance against us?”

Justin’s rating: Let’s all not go to the Dollhouse of Horrors!

Justin’s review: The good Lord willing, we’ll never have another Back to the Future movie. That trilogy was near-perfect and escaped being degraded through numerous sequels. But you know what I’m completely fine with? Other movies drawing inspiration from Back to the Future and putting their own twist on it.

So let’s welcome a surprise newcomer to the scene: Totally Killer. It’s Amazon’s wildly fun mash-up of slashers and time travel, two topics that were ’80s favorites and actually go very well together (such as with Happy Death Day 2 U).

Jamie (Kiernan Shipka) lives in a town and a family that’s been under the shadow of a series of murders from 30 years ago by the “Sweet Sixteen Killer.” When the killer rears his freaky masked head once more, Jamie flees into the past using her genius friend’s newly invented time machine (which is located in a carnival photo booth).

She emerges in October 1987 at the time of the first murder, armed with this foreknowledge but at a disadvantage in every other way. The cops won’t believe her, and her own parents are kind of jerks as teens (weren’t we all?). Jamie keeps bumping into the much younger versions of the many adults she knows in 2023, having those Marty McFly moments of double-takes all over the place.

What had me rolling my eyes in annoyance is how the movie dips into ham-handed commentary about all of the societal ills of the ’80s. I mean, yes, the decade certainly had them. And it would definitely be weird to throw a teen from our times back then to be exposed to things that are taboo to mention or say today. But the way that Totally Killer handles this angle is with a level of politically correct condescension from Jamie that makes me want to puke a little. I felt like this movie had an axe to grind with the ’80s while still trying to have a lot of fun in that time period, and that threw me off.

However, to be fair, I think the movie does tweak our protagonist’s inherent arrogance, too. Jamie, who gets accepted into her parents’ school on her say-so alone, learns that maybe she grew up in a more coddled environment. Seeing her thrown into a ruthless dodgeball session (which is filmed like a war movie) is brilliant and had me hooting with laughter. And the pushback Jamie gets to her Gen Z attitude gives me some hope that the filmmakers are employing a sense of humor that goes both ways.

As Jamie tries to make friends with her mother’s mean girls clique — who initially hate her — she’s also doing her best to stave off the killer and change the future for the better. And here’s where Totally Killer kicks it up a notch, because Jamie’s actions keep affecting the future in all sorts of unexpected ways — and not always for the best. Periodically, the movie flashes from 1987 to 2023 to see the impact of these changes as Jamie splashes about in the “time river.”

To help accomplish her mission and somehow get back to the present, Jamie connects with her best friend’s mom (who just so happens to be the idea lady behind said time machine). I love how Jamie whips out her cellphone as proof of future status and is almost instantly believed.

But it’s not going to be that easy, because these teens are almost devoted to performing all of the terminal stupidity of ’80s slasher victims. There’s also this hilarious side plot where Jamie accidentally gets her parents together earlier than they should’ve — and she keeps trying to break them up. “Too soon! Too horny!” she claps at their makeout session.

Totally Killer’s genre mash-up all but guarantees two things: That it’s not going to be a perfect balance… and that you’ll probably have a really good time with at least part of this movie (or at least the amazing ’80s soundtrack). There’s a great eye for the period and plenty of opportunities for some totally groovy quotes. This is a flat-out great time travel trip that had me lining up to go one more time.

Kyle’s rating: Probably akin to riding in a DeLorean that’s, like, just the car, and not a time machine or anything.

Kyle’s review: There is a lot to like about Totally Killer. It’s undeniably fun, it’s got a strong cast that seems game for everything, and it doesn’t belabor its central time travel plot line. It knows that everyone watching this movie has seen (and likely memorized) the movies that inspired it (Back to the Future predominantly, with a strong splash of Scream and its slasher ilk). You’ll almost totally likely have a good time with it. Good vibes all around.

The farther I get from it, though, the more I’m disappointed. You had so much going for you, Totally Killer! We were all rooting for you! Even if you’re confined forever to being an A*m*z*n Pr*m* movie!

Unless you’re the most casual of horror fans, you’ll likely be thinking of The Final Girls leading up to, at some point during, or immediately following your viewing of Totally Killer. To the credit of the filmmakers, I’ve seen some decent answers in interviewers whenever the two films get compared. They’re not quite the same, but the ‘teenage girl deals with a teenaged version of her mother’ element glows hot even if you’re trying to ignore it. It’s a great thread to explore, and seeing it from a daughter’s perspective (versus the complexly hormonal bond between young Marty McFly and his mother Lorraine) remains compelling. But if you’re looking for any kind of complexity here, please adjust your expectations accordingly.

My now-wife pretends not to be sick of me saying this, but sometimes we’ll finish modern horror and slasher movies and my first response is ‘I think an AI program wrote that script.’ I definitely said that after this one, because it seems like whatever was on the page is exactly what was performed by the cast without a hint of input. Characters speak in clunky yet bland expositional statements, and similarly react to developments with minimal emotion.

I knew I was in trouble when the actual mechanism that will facilitate Jamie (Kiernan Shipka) to travel back to 1987 is presented with so little fanfare that I thought the underplaying was part of the joke. Spoiler: It was not. A character builds a time travel machine and no one is particularly shocked or surprised. I’m not even sure the working model would have won any science fair in which it was entered. They wisely knew not to compete with Marty’s classic line “Are you telling me that you built a time machine… out of a DeLorean?” But rather than compete, here they just shrug and move on to the next scene.

If you’re not the type of person (like me!) who pulls apart dialogue, plot twists, and character motivations in real time while you’re watching movies, you’ll probably enjoy yourself during Totally Killer and then never bother yourself with thoughts of it again. But I find myself compelled to ask my endless questions into the October ether. Why intercut between 2023 and 1987 in such a way to remove all tension and telegraph an otherwise surprisingly plot development? Why give Jamie a confidant as well as some personal knowledge of time travel (she’s seen Back to the Future at least once) when she then seems oblivious to the rules and consequences later on? Why strive for a deadly serious tone surrounding scenes with the killer but then play ‘wasn’t 1987 such a different, wacky time’ scenes so comically as to remove any impact the humorous scenes might have had?

I’ll stop with those questions. Totally Killer takes a totally understandable and (mostly) fun approach to a time travel slasher plot, and works as horror content for the streaming mill. I just wish there had been more of an attempt to tighten things up and make it a slasher for the ages. Not everything needs to be as rewatchable as Scream or Back to the Future. But if you’re mashing those two together and following its Frankenstein-ed template, take note of how it is the characters, the soundtrack, and approach to the usual tropes that endure through the years. And in this theoretical scenario where you’re apparently making this movie: prepare some really good answers for how your movie is or is not like The Final Girls.

Intermission!

• “Let’s give it up for Angie, who wishes there were more people killed.”
• Lochlyn Munro is one of those “you know, that guy” who’s been in a little of everything since 1989. I think I know him best from Dead Man on Campus.
• That protective crystal is going to come in useful, I can tell.
• “Dad, please. One star.”
• “Weirdly, the manufacturing industry does not celebrate Halloween.”
• Dude, mom is quite the killer prepper
• “Why are they having a science fair in the most haunted place imaginable?”
• The time jump effects are pretty cool… for a photo booth
• “Your shirt is super-problematic.” UGH.
• “The ’80s are almost over and I haven’t even tried coke yet.”
• The smoking in the car
• I did think it was clever that Jamie ends up wearing her mom’s “vintage” jacket to the past
• Oh you know gym in the ’80s would be all about dodgeball
• “How is this school-issued, we all look like we work at Hooters.”
• Dodgeball: “How is this even legal?”
• “I’m not going to shake your hand because I’m not 45 and a man.”
• “Flying on a plane right now must be insane.”
• “I read all my books. Tools are more useful.”
• “Unwanted touch!” “Yo, unwanted human.”
• The Mollys, all dressed like different versions of Molly Ringwald
• “Is that… is that like a real person?”
• Haha a waterbed
• “Whoa… are you from the future?” “Yeah, where’s the garage?”
• “How much do you understand about quantum mechanics?” “I saw Endgame… but I didn’t really understand it.”
• “No wonder grandma never comes to visit.”
• “Hey I’m telling you this as a friend, but nobody wants to hear how much you love your mom.”
• The Time Machine 2.0 is an arcade cabinet
• BURN IN HELL TIFFANY
• Bread staunches wounds
• “You have his DNA.” “What’s that?”
• “Man showing emotion. Fascinating.”
• If you need your phone’s battery to get back to the present, maybe turn off your phone until you need the charge?
• “Take whatever you want, but please leave the Thundercats!”
• The showdown in the dollhouse of horrors is pretty intense
• Scythes can totally kill someone
• Using the rape alarm too late
• That’s such a cool final setpiece