“Seems like things really picked up since you got here.”

Drake’s rating: Spandextastic

Drake’s review: David Winters had an interesting career. As a dancer, he drew notice for the Broadway version of West Side Story and was one of the few from the stage cast to appear in the film. He went on to become a choreographer, working regularly with Ann-Margaret (and doing the choreography for Roller Boogie and the Star Wars Holiday Special!) before turning his talents to directing. When he was overruled on his choice of leads for the skateboarding flick Thrashin’, Winters decided to form his own movie company so that he could call the shots. Teaming with David A. Prior and Peter Yuval, Winters started Action International Pictures, which over the years produced some classic examples of low-budget direct-to-video entertainment.

But when you start a film company, you kind of need films. Otherwise, you’ll soon be a former film company. So Prior took it upon himself to start churning out product, much of it featuring his bodybuilder brother Ted. Writing and directing on minuscule budgets, Prior quickly turned out some classic ‘80s exploitation flicks, including Deadly Prey, Mankillers and the first-ever aerobics-based slasher, Killer Workout.

There are some serious problems at Rhonda’s Workout, the local gym and aerobics studio. First off, a skeevy creepoid stands around, ogling the girls as they do their aerobics routines. Then, the aerobics instructor herself is perpetually late. And lastly, there’s a killer stalking the halls, brandishing a safety pin big enough to spear Jaws.

That last part should be the most alarming bit, but honestly Rhonda seems far more annoyed with the aerobics instructor’s tardiness than she ever is with the murders. That’s probably because she had to teach the class herself, which seriously eats into her time sitting behind her desk and glaring.

Rhonda’s annoyance only grows as Chuck Dawson enters the scene. He’s a new employee, hired by Rhonda’s partner, because someone has to lift weights and take out the garbage. Jimmy, the skeevy creepoid, takes an instant dislike to Chuck, leading to a fistfight between the two that looks like it was choreographed by the Burbank karate club.

Chuck, of course, is there to investigate the murders and to keep Rhonda safe. But the slasher keeps on slashing nonetheless, piling up bodies like cord wood. Seriously, this movie has a body count that would make Jason Voorhees turn green with envy. Sadly, aside from an early out-of-control tanning bed scene, the kills mostly lack creativity. Which is surprising given the setting. An aerobics studio/gym is a veritable deathtrap, filled with flammable spandex and deadly rowing machines.

At least, I’m guessing they are. I’ve never been in one, but that’s because they look terrifying.

As the inevitable police investigation led by Lt. Morgan heats up gets almost lukewarm, Jimmy becomes the prime suspect. He’s always lurking around, after all, leering at the girls and getting into fights with the director’s brother. Plus he drives a Mustang II, literally one of the worst cars ever made, and that definitely makes him a target of suspicion.

Lt. Morgan isn’t so sure, though. He has a hunch of his own, and that hunch includes reservations about the perpetually-annoyed Rhonda…

Killer Workout, also known in some regions as Aerobicide, was David A. Prior’s second feature for Action International. And when you’re watching a movie made by the man behind the bargain-basement Rambo knock-off Deadly Prey, then you know what you’re getting: low-budget entertainment with amateurish acting & direction, bad sound and minimal production value. The movie relies on spandex-clad titillation and atrocious action scenes to keep the momentum going, which basically means it lurches unevenly from scene to scene like a mall walker on Xanax.

Needless to say, it’s also a huge amount of fun. Light on plot but heavy on hokum, Killer Workout is a great example of the ‘80s direct-to-video flicks that crammed the shelves of your local video store. It’s a brainless diversion filled with good looking people who flex, bounce and stretch with abandon, before getting stabbed with a safety pin and stuck inside a locker.

Intermission!

• Jaimy drives a Porsche 911? Aerobics instructors made bank in the ‘80s!
• Take out the garbage, get into a fight, and then drive off with a buxom brunette. Chuck’s living the good life.
• There is a lot of aerobicizing going on in this movie. A LOT.
• I don’t know about you, but once that first body showed up, I’d be quitting the gym.
• Granted, gyms are notoriously hard to quit, but I’d be very firm about my reticence to continue my membership after Body #2. By the time Body #3 showed up, I would definitely be gone.
• Probably.
• Maybe it’s just me, but the cops on this case are pretty awful. There’s no forensics team, no crime tape and they don’t even shut down Rhonda’s Workout as an active crime scene. I’m beginning to think they might not solve this case.
• I’m not kidding about the Mustang II. Terrible car. Autoblog ranked it in their “20 Dumbest Cars of All Time” list, and Edmunds.com has the 1974 model as the second-worst car of all time. I mean, the ‘71 Pinto was prone to blowing up, and that only made #15!
• In 1989, Action International produced the eminently quotable MST3K favorite Space Mutiny. Come to think of it, Chuck would have made a pretty good Punch Rockgroin.