“I didn’t want no cokes! Who said I was thirsty?”

Drake’s rating: Stop grinding the gears!

Drake’s review: You guys have all seen Laserblast, right? At least the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version, which was simultaneously the final Comedy Channel episode as well as the last appearance of Trace Beaulieu’s Dr. Clayton Forester? I mean, c’mon, it’s a classic! The MST3K version, that is. The theatrical release is considerably lacking in entertainment value, but both versions do have that scene. You know the one. Billy (Kim Milford) spots a Star Wars billboard on the roadside and blasts it with his laser arm, thus ensuring Laserblast has at least a few seconds worth of cinematic notoriety.

Well, Corvette Summer goes Laserblast one better, as Kim Milford gets to punch, threaten, and shoot at Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hamill, in the latter’s attempt to lead a film without laser swords and space battles. And maybe it’s just me, but this movie could have used a laser sword or two. And at least a few space battles.

Mark Hamill plays Kenny, a high school kid who excels in auto shop and nothing else. When his class goes to the junkyard in search of a reclamation project for their senior year, Kenny spots a Corvette headed for the crusher and rushes to save it from becoming landfill for a future water park. Cue the car restoration montage, and in no time the junker is turned into something resembling a cross between a pinball machine and a carnival ride. It’s the car of Kenny’s dreams, but those dreams are shattered when the Corvette is stolen, leaving the young man despondent. But when Kenny learns that the Corvette has been sighted in Las Vegas, he hightails it for Sin City, intent on getting the car back.

Along the way Kenny encounters Vanessa, and the movie takes periodic detours from the action-comedy it started out as and ventures into romantic-comedy territory. It’s an uneven shift, made more pronounced by the fact that Vanessa is played by Annie Potts, who steals every scene she’s in. Potts is bubbly and energetic, whereas Hamill veers between dour and overwrought in any given scene. His is an uneven performance, made worse by the fact that Hamill is well into his mid-20s here, so Kenny’s outbursts feel less like those of a distraught teen and more like a deranged adult with severe emotional issues. Not exactly the tone you want to set with a summer popcorn flick.

Kenny finally tracks down his Corvette, which is in the hands of Milford’s Wayne Lowry and his gang of car thieves (including perennial screen heavy Brion James). Kenny gets captured by them, then falls in with the gang, and finally decides to take the car back. We get some more antics, a bit of zaniness, a hint of melodrama, and of course a tepid car chase before it’s all over. Finally, Kenny and Vanessa walk off into the sunset together.

Corvette Summer had decent returns at the box office, but those paled in comparison to the resounding success of Grease that same summer. It seems even Luke Skywalker was no match for John Travolta’s swagger and Olivia Newton-John’s big blue eyes. And honestly, there’s not much to recommend here aside from the lively Potts and the novelty of seeing Las Vegas as it was in the late ‘70s. This is a movie that tries to do too much, frantically shifting gears between action, comedy and romance, but more often than not it slips into neutral and just rolls along aimlessly.

Intermission!

• Never let Danny Partridge drive your one-of-a-kind Corvette.
• In addition to Danny Bonaduce, Wendy Jo Sperber is among Kenny’s auto shop classmates.
• Also look for Roger Corman favorite Dick Miller as the gambler who gives Kenny his lucky two-dollar bill.
• If you shoot a movie in Vegas, you have to show the dead sign graveyard. I think it’s a law.
• The Corvette has a heavily modified body and a right-hand drive, it’s been reported as stolen, and these guys just cruise around Vegas in it. We are dealing with really dumb criminals here.
• There were two Corvettes built for the film by Korky’s Kustom Studios. Both are currently owned by private collectors.
• Corvette Summer didn’t do much for Mark Hammill’s career, and he was back in the space-saddle again a few months later playing Luke Skywalker in the deliriously unhinged Star Wars Holiday Special. Now if Kim Milford’s Billy had laser blasted that abomination, he’d be regarded as a national hero.