“Her recommendations for a campsite were totally unsuitable. There were no outlets. And there was dirt, and bugs, and… and it rains there.”

Justin’s rating: Congrats! You just earned your ’80s comedy badge!

Justin’s review: Troop Beverly Hills is one of the few remaining popular ’80s comedies that I have yet to see, mostly because it kept emitting anti-Justin repulsion rays. Shelly Long kind of irritates me (although I gave her a pass in the Brady Bunch flicks), and I’m beyond tired of Hollywood movies that fawn all over upper-class California culture. But hey, if I sat through and ended up adoring Clueless, I suppose I can give this a shot.

Phyllis (Long) is a Beverly Hills socialite who’s undergoing somewhat of a life crisis as her husband files for divorce and her daughter is drifting away from her. Drastic times call for drastic measures, and so the oblivious fashionista takes over as Wilderness Girls den mother for her daughter’s dwindling troop while she looks for a way to patch up her relationships.

With deficiencies in actual camping and other scout-related skills, Phyllis employs her own brand of expertise to lead this upper-class echelon of youth while wearing a neverending stream of outrageous outfits. Sure, her methods are unconventional as they are financed by credit cards, but her sheer enthusiasm, devotion to the kids, and spirit of girl power kind of makes it work anyway. And these girls need it, considering how they’re struggling with being spoiled, neglected, overexposed, and even secretly (gasp) poor. To this group, Phyllis becomes a surrogate mother.

But to fellow troop leader and controlling bully Velda (Betty Thomas), Phyllis is a menace who must be reigned in. Thus begins a war between the two, a sort of snobs-vs-richies struggle where — for once in the ’80s! — the audience is expected to take sides with the blue bloods. Again, this totally wouldn’t work if Phyllis was insufferable and not, as she reveals herself to be, pragmatic, inventive, and fearlessly optimistic.

Troop Beverly Hills is another great example of a box office bomb that slowly and steadily gained a faithful following over the years — especially among the female set. I can see why. The Beverly Hills motifs aside, this film is couched in all sorts of relatable elements: parental neglect, a love of fashion, friendships, sleepovers, walking to the beat of your own drum, and unexpectedly bad hairstyles.

While there is the temptation to take the Velda route of dismissing this as vain poppycockery, there’s a nugget of truth here. Kids crave stable relationships that’ll be there for them (as one girl says at the beginning, “She’ll get bored of us and leave. They always do.”). Phyllis embodies the single best trait of any sort of youth leader, which is an unwavering devotion to her charges. Should we be so surprised that the girls end up becoming fiercely loyal to her in return?

Maybe we should be surprised that there’s an undercurrent of kindness — not condescension — that flows from Phyllis and her girls. If this was made today, there’d be jabs at the privileged and ignorant elite and whatnot. These people would be the enemy. And as I said, in most ’80s films they were easy targets as well. But is it so impossible for such characters to show compassion, generosity, and general decency? Troop Beverly Hills says, “no!”

Eventually, as it typically does with camping and scouting flicks, it comes down to a competition. Will Phyllis and her troop emerge victorious at the Jamboree, even amid sniping and sabotage? Well, what do you think?

Troop Beverly Hills still isn’t my kind of movie, but it’s not like I had a bad time watching it. It stayed energetic throughout much of its runtime with enough humor to keep a smile on my lips without forcing a laugh out of me. Maybe Shelly Long did deserve a better verdict on her comedic skills, and maybe I judged this movie by its cover rather than its content. It’s pretty good. Not amazing, but… good.

Intermission!

• I genuinely miss the days when comedy movies had some sort of animated intro to a peppy song
• Age on forms is “not applicable”
• “If you contributed any more to this marriage, we would be on welfare!”
• Negotiating with your dad to be paid $40 to go to a troop meeting
• “Good morning Dictator… Mrs. Dictator!”
• So many great cars
• “What can you do with it?” “Besides burn it?”
• Phyllis’ retooled uniform
• That’s a whole lot of luggage for an overnighter
• “Smokey the Bear isn’t going through a terribly messy divorce.”
• All campouts have fondue: “I’m coming girls, I’ve got the fondue!”
• Scary stories in front of a hotel fireplace… “HE PERMED ME!”
• “Where is your leader?” “You can torture me if you want to, but I’ll never talk!”
• Pee Wee Herman!
• The dance montage
• CPR trainers in the ’80s had no problem Frenching you
• Friendship, shopping, international affairs, sushi appreciation, gardening with glamor, and jewelry appraisal patches
• “She’ll be all right. Silicon is bouyant.”
• “No big deal, too many accessories clutter an outfit?”
• “She can pull into the garage and wait… with the motor running.”
• IT’S COOKIE TIME
• “Goodnight Freddy!” [walks into pool]

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