“To your virtues… and especially your vices, Sara”

Heather’s rating: This weekend I’m going to Tijuana to look for one of those exploding piñatas.

Heather’s review: I’m lucky that my sisters aren’t as mean spirited as I am when picking out movies for someone else to review (ask Drew or Kaleb for more clarification on that). Two Mules For Sister Sara is the second movie I’ve reviewed at my sisters’ request and I enjoyed it just as much as the first. Here’s the skinny for those of you who aren’t savvy to what’s going on:

In order to introduce my sisters, who are not cult fans, to our site and pique their interests I suggested that they each pick any film they would have me review and, regardless of what it was, I would review it. First was My Big Fat Greek Wedding, second was this Clint Eastwood vehicle. I’m happy to report that I came out of the experience unharmed. I was dragged out of my cult cavern into the blinding light of “regular” movies and I didn’t burst into flames, my eyesight stayed intact, and I haven’t been forever scarred. In fact, both were very good movies that I otherwise might not have seen.

Our protagonist in TMFSS is Hogan (Clint Eastwood), a loner who is traveling through the desert on his horse with no name. He comes across a woman, nearly naked and being threatened by a group of men. He neatly offs all three of the men and swaggers over to his damsel in distress, who is wearing naught but a black cloth around her, probably expecting a little “reward.”

His swagger is brought to a standstill when he finds out she’s “Sister” Sara. Noticeably frustrated, he wants to know what a nun is doing out there. Sara reveals that she is running from the French, who are after her for helping the Mexican rebellion raise money. She was sneaking her way back to Chihuahua to assist the revolutionaries when the men… er… sidetracked her. Hogan is headed to the same place she is to help with the same cause, albeit for less noble reasons. The only money he cares about raising is for himself.

They team up, Sara for protection and Hogan for inside information Sara can give him to help with his mission. This movie follows our unlikely duo as they alternately snipe at each other and save each others’ lives, culminating in a battle against the French garrison and a little surprise about Sister Sara.

There was no lack of action here, what with Eastwood either shooting or exploding something every few minutes. That reminds me… this marks my first ever Clint Eastwood movie, and I have to say “Cripes, but Clint Eastwood was young!” I can see how he became so iconic. He’s a great actor, and he just defines manly and powerful. Same goes for his character, Hogan. The guy decapitated a rattlesnake, managed to blow up a train while falling down drunk, and had a burning arrow pulled through his chest. I thought I was gonna have to pull out my Swiffer to mop up all the machismo oozing out of the screen.

Trust me, you want to watch this if you’re in the mood for a good, lighthearted movie. And hey, if life’s been treating you good lately then I suggest it as a decent date rental as well. It’s the kind of movie you can really get into, whether or not westerns are your thing. The pace never bogs down, it has a great humorous tone, and both Eastwood and MacLaine give performances that really make you interested and believe in their characters. It’s fun to watch them banter back and forth, not wanting to admit how much they really do need one another. They have a very equal relationship in that way, with each of them possessing strengths the other one could use, and going back and forth saving each others’ lives.

I have but two complaints. One is that horrible soundtrack. It’s some goofy western-ish track with donkey sound effects and brief bits of women singing in Latin. It’s a disjointed mess. Blech. The other gripe is about the fake blood. You see, the thing about shooting an action movie in color is the stuff has to look somewhat realistic. More than once I found myself marveling over just how much that “blood” looked like tempura paint. It’s hard to feel for a supposedly wounded character who looks more like the victim of a daycare finger-paint fight than an arrow through the chest.

If you have been so far unconvinced to watch this film then I ask you: How can you not like a movie that gives you a nun punching a cowboy in the face?

Intermission!

• The donkey sound effects punctuating the soundtrack. Hokey, Hollywood. Ho-key.
• If there’s a situation, Clint’s going to find an excuse to use gunpowder in it.
• What were those things that fell out of the train? They looked like gold bars, yet nobody showed any interest in them.
• El Gato Negro. A decidedly unmanly name for a bar, don’t you think?