“We are going! This ain’t the Batmobile!”

Justin’s rating: The only way to defeat so many enemies is… spinning! All the spinning!

Justin’s review: Every decade has no shortage of good movies, great movies, bad movies, so-bad-they’re-good movies, weird movies, and so on. But the category that is in the most limited supply, in my opinion, are incredible gems that never got widely recognized yet are absolutely worth searching out. You stumble over one of these, you feel like you won some sort of jackpot.

So let me introduce you to Drive.

Not to be mistaken for the Ryan Gosling movie from 2011, this 1997 thriller is way much more fun. It’s a dash of buddy comedy, a heaping of road trip escapades, a bit of scifi, and all the martial arts mayhem you could ever want. I was savoring it from the very first minute to the final credits.

Drive isn’t a complex film or even that original — but it’s in the combined package where it makes friends with its audience. Toby (Mark Dacascos, John Wick 3) is on the run from a Hong Kong cartel due to a high-tech implant that makes him a near-invincible hand-to-hand fighter. His goal is to make it to L.A., where he can sell said implant for $5 million and power down for a while.

This won’t be easy; Toby’s got a fleet of bad guys on his tail, including a cocky cowboy, a geeky sidekick, and another unstoppable fighter with the same implant. Since they want him alive, that gives him a bit of an edge — as does the ally that he makes with Malik, a fast-talking songwriter who’s got a sweet Challenger. What starts as a hostage situation quickly turns into a bromance between the pair (and it’s adorable).

The two also bump into a hyperactive hotel owner named Deliverance (Clueless’ Brittany Murphy), who shamelessly throws herself at Malik… when she isn’t talking about cars, that is. She’s really over-the-top in all the best ways and reminds us why Murphy’s premature death in 2009 was such a tragedy.

With so much going for it, Drive is quite hard to dislike. Sure, the acting is action-movie cheesy at times, but that’s all I can fault it with. The soundtrack is electrifying, the quotes ripe for plucking, the cinematography imaginative, and the fight scenes positively brutal.

If you like lightning-quick martial arts bouts that take place across a variety of locales while the good guys are always scrambling to overcome the odds, you’re going to be in heaven here. They are fast, tightly edited, and utterly thrilling to behold. I mean, the one with the shock sticks in the hotel room is just as cool as the elevator scene in Winter Soldier.

There’s even this little weird lizard scifi show (“Walter the Einstein Frog”) that different characters watch on TVs at various times that add to the cult patina.

People, you need to see Drive. It’s positively criminal that this remains an under-the-radar entry from the ’90s when it deserves to be mentioned in the same sentence as Speed or The Long Kiss Goodnight. It’s pure good times at 60 miles per hour, and you can quote me on that.

P.S. — It’s well worth searching for the longer, uncut version of this movie that adds in some essential character building that the original release dropped.

Intermission!

• That opening theme music hooked me right away!
• If a bad guy in a modern movie is dressed up as a cowboy, you know he’s going to be tons of fun
• What, does everyone just shoot at feet around here?
• He’s spinning so much that I’m getting dizzy here
• Well that car didn’t last long without being trashed
• “Excuse ME, Yosemite Sam!”
• I’m kind of digging this weird lizard movie the bad guys are watching
• “This is the original Five Fingers of Death right here!”
• I like to see bad guys reminiscing and having a good time swapping stories
• “Just shoot him — I like chicken as much as the next man.”
• Random ad for Popeyes chicken
• Tethered to a hostage? Use them as a yo-yo weapon!
• The zip line going away while the guys watch in mute horror is a funny bit
• The cowboy almost shooting himself in the foot
• Nothing like being tethered to a guy having a fight with his ex-wife
• The guys dance-bopping to hip-hop during the road trip
• DEATH BY FLICKING COIN
• The discussion about kung fu in Hong Kong
• “Ex… boyfriend.” “Ex… citing.”
• The mutual gushing over cars
• Deliverance jumping on the bed to get Toby to wake up
• Jump off the wall to kick the bad guy
• Malik grabs the chainsaw is an OHH YEAH moment… and there goes the bad guy’s arm
• And now he’s got boots on his hands for shock stick protection
• Deliverance has too much fun with machine pistols
• Romantic music swells up… and we’re back to techno fight music
• TRIPLE ROCKET LAUNCHER
• Rocket launcher vs. RV
• Deliverance shoving the diner girl aside
• “I know I rock your uvula”
• The utterly cool space age bar
• About time we had motorcycles crash into a bar and start driving around recklessly
• Fighting with whips, why not