“We’re not hunting him, he’s hunting us!”

Justin’s rating: Lock and load your laughter

Justin’s review: Ever since we resurrected the site in 2020, I’ve been keeping a running list of movies that I’d like to see reviewed at some point. At first that list was about a dozen flicks. Then it was 50. Then 200. Then 400. Today, it sits around 1100 titles, because I am insane and can’t stop researching cult movies. So you’ll imagine that a lot of movies accidentally get posted more than once on this list, which I only find out about when we cover it and I do a quick document search.

I share this with you because I feel it’s quite telling about the number of recommendations about Deadly Prey that I unconsciously listed it five times in this document. If that’s not a “REVIEW ME!” sign, I don’t know what is.

Deadly Prey addresses the question, “Why create one generic knockoff of Rambo when you can stitch that together with a generic The Most Dangerous Game as well?” And then, not content to coast on the answer, Deadly Prey then gives us the most over-the-top action hero to go on the most over-the-top rampage ever.

It’s magnificent. It’s glorious. I could make this the last review I ever do for this site and feel like I’ve accomplished my mission here. I mean, I won’t because I have 1099 more films to go, but I could.

There’s a weirdly well-funded militia led by the odious Col. Hogan (David Campbell) that stays sharp by kidnapping random people off the street to use as moving target practice. But, as these things often go, the militia end up nabbing a hyper-competent Vietnam War vet and mullet enthusiast Mike Danton (Ted Prior) and turn him loose on their property. Mike promptly turns the tables on everyone and starts the slaughter that will be the mark of the rest of the runtime.

The extremely minimalistic plot scoots out of the way so that this film can glory in wildly goofy action beats. Every frame of this movie desperately wants you to think that all of this is so much cooler than Rambo. So we get Mike breaking a guy in half across a tree trunk, impaling a guy on a spear, stuffing grenades down pants, beating people to death with their own severed arm, and at least 55 other various stabbings, shootings, clever traps, and blunt force traumas. In his downtime, he lathers up worms with his spit and then eats them.

And Mike’s going to do all of this in nothing less and nothing more than skimpy cutoffs and a light basting of oil to highlight his pecs. His signature move, however, is hiding in unlikely places and then lunging out like a trapdoor spider of death. It makes every scene a masterpiece of suspense. Is Mike underwater? Under the leaves? Behind that bush? Up in the tree? Yes, yes, yes, and YES!

As a bonus reward for your attention, this movie tosses in a second protagonist in the form of Mike’s policeman father-in-law (Cameron Mitchell), who shows up with a shotgun and goes to town. Mike also gets to buddy up with an old army friend who switches side a couple times. Oh, and the colonel seems to have a frenemy crush on Mike, holding back from killing him at least two or three times when he should’ve.

Deadly Prey is not cinema. It’s not going to feed your brain in any meaningful way. You’re probably going to botch any job interview during which you mention seeing this. But you’re going to get such a buzz from watching this that it’ll have you skipping in glee for the rest of your week. And that’s the Mike Denton guarantee.

Intermission!

• Nothing like a gearing-up montage to kick off your context-free movie experience
• Could he shred his business attire any more?
• Hand grenades only mildly knock people down
• “You’re dead meat, fat boy!”
• These hunters are worse shots than stormtroopers
• Female militia soldiers are required to wear weird camo shorts and a crop top
• Man, remember waterbeds?
• If you’re kidnapped right in front of your wife, she won’t actually get worried until later that day
• They captured him to remove his shirt and oil him up?
• Need to knock a guy out? Use an entire log as a baseball bat!
• And then he shatters a guy’s spine by breaking him across a tree
• Need to execute a failed soldier? Spin kick followed by neck snapping. The kick is just to show off.
• Every evil commander loves it when a hireling busts into his budding nookie scene to holler in panic
• “I know this style!” What style? It’s just a dead guy lying on his face.
• Nothing like meeting an old friend during a fist fight
• Why shoot people if you can hide underwater and then drag people down into the murky depths?
• Random sticks make perfect impromptu daggers
• Mike, why don’t you ever keep and use the weapons from the guys you’ve killed? Or their clothes?
• THE WORM EATING SCENE
• Being hunted by an insane militia posse? Better light a campfire!
• “Your beeeeeehind full of buckshooooooot.”
• Those “rocks” don’t look like they could kill a toddler, nevermind two grown men
• If you watch this movie, you will spend a whole lot of time thinking about those four grenades on Hogan’s desk. Trust me.
• GRENADE DOWN THE PANTS
• He takes out a tank AND a helicopter in the same minute
• Oh, and did I mention there’s a sequel that was made in 2013 called Deadliest Prey?
• So many guys get the drop on Mike and then decide not to kill him for some reason
• “There ain’t no music down there on the streets”
• Mike’s home stash includes a rusty machete, a totally fake cluster of dynamite, and a rocket launcher
• The Predator arm clasp!
• Double knife throw kill
• Grenade pillow “It’s my calling card”
• Start encountering deadly traps? Better start moving FASTER!
• You can chop a guy’s arm off, beat him to death with it, and scalp him… with no blood whatsoever