“It’s too bad we had to kill her. I really liked the outfit she had on.”

Skip’s rating: I’ve never been equally terrified and aroused until now. I think that was the point.

Skip’s review: I have to be honest. Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama is not exactly the kind of movie I seek out for a relaxing Friday night. Horror isn’t really my genre, and when I do decide to try it out, I usually go for something that has excellent production value and an intriguing story.

This is not one of those films.

I initially came across this movie as a suggestion from Justin. While scrolling through a list of films, two words caught my eye (and no, not sorority girls). “Slimeball” and “bowl” both made this movie seem like something that would be — excuse the pun — right up my alley.

What am I saying? That’s a lie. It was absolutely sorority girls.

At the end of the day, I guess I’m a typical guy because Slimeball held my attention until the very end. Sex, murder, rock and roll, abandoned malls – this movie has everything I could ever want in a film. They knew who their target audience was, and they knocked it out of the park.

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama is a simple tale. While pledging for a sorority, two college co-eds Lisa (Michelle McClellen) and Taffy (Brinke Stevens) are tasked with breaking into an abandoned mall and stealing a bowling trophy. Along for the ride are three nerdy peeping toms who are caught spying on the group’s initiation ritual, which obviously involved a lot of sexual spanking. Spying on them as they go about accomplishing their task are our three taskmasters, led by sorority President Babs (Robin Stille), whose father owns the abandoned mall (a bit of information that has no relevance to the story, though I suppose that’s how they have access to the security cameras).

Unfortunately, living inside this bowling trophy is a demon with incredible powers (voiced by Michael Sonye). While initially this seems like a win/win for everyone involved, since the demon can grant wishes like a genie, it quickly turns sour when the demon recruits the eponymous sorority girls to begin murdering our fellowship of randy teens.

Like I said, it’s a simple tale.

The star of this charade is Linnea Quigley (Return of the Living Dead), who I was completely unaware of until seeing this film. This is the O.G. scream queen. Chances are, if you’ve watched a terrible horror film involving sexy vixens being murdered by monsters, Linnea Quigley is involved. Sometimes doing a little murdering. Sometimes being murdered. Sometimes both.

In our tale, Quigley plays Spider, a punk rock bandit who is already in the process of ransacking the abandoned mall when she encounters our group. One member of the group, Calvin (Andras Jones) is completely smitten with her (though, being the geeky bespectacled Revenge of the Nerds type, she doesn’t give him a second thought). Lucky for Calvin, Spider has a knack for survival that nobody else in the group seems to have.

I am the newest member of the Linnea Quigley fan club. I absolutely think she is the best part of this film. Her acting isn’t exactly Oscar-worthy, but it’s Shakespearian compared to the rest of the cast. She’s got attitude and style, and she’s really the only person in this story you’re hoping will survive.

If Linnea Quigley’s badass punk rocker Spider is the highlight of the film, its downfall is the demon Uncle Impy. Not only is the name ridiculous, but the voice is equally laughable, as is the quality of the imp model. By 1988, I think a special effects team (even by B-horror movie standards) could have whipped up something a little more terrifying than what we got. Maybe that was the point and I’m just not catching the joke. Either way, Uncle Impy leaves a lot to be desired.

Overall, this is a pretty good film for dipping your toe into the horror b-movie waters. Given the amount of gratuitous sex and nudity, it probably wasn’t the best film to watch with my mother-in-law, but for what it’s worth she loved it as well.

Intermission!

• “Old Uncle Impy is just a little bit cranky.”
• Linnea Quigley was so well known for her horror roles that director David DeCoteau handed her the script and told her she could play any character she wanted. It’s no surprise she chose Spider.
• The script was written in 10 days with only one draft, and they had to shoot from 9pm to 9am because they couldn’t afford to rent the bowling alley out during the day. David DeCoteau also fired the entire camera crew after the first day because they couldn’t work quickly enough.
• Oddly enough, Linnea Quigley described Slimeball as a dream job because it was one of the rare times she didn’t have to get naked.