“Float like a Cadillac, sting like a Beemer!”

Drew’s rating: As lame as that summary sounds, it’s Pixar, so you know they found a way to make it awesome anyway.

Drew’s review: Not to delve into stereotypes, but this is a movie I would have expected Lissa or Sue to have been all over first; in contrast, it’s not really one you expect to find a newlywed couple attending a 5:00 showing of on Sunday evening. And yet so it was last week, the wife cashing in her X-Men: Last Stand attendance to get me (not exactly kicking and screaming) to check out Pixar’s latest offering. 10 minutes before showtime we found ourselves in a theater nearly devoid of people, gleefully thinking “Aha! Coming at dinnertime on a Sunday was the way to go! No little hellions serving as constant reminders of what we’ll be dealing with in a few years!”

At which point, as you no doubt guessed, the theater doors slammed open and children poured in like marauding orcs, laying waste to all in their path. Within seconds we were surrounded on all sides, clutching each other tightly and praying that every last one of them was accompanied by those magical, extra-special parents who really DO keep their kids well-behaved at the movies. (They weren’t.) Honestly, you’d almost think the movie were made for them or something. Unbelievable.

In case you were wondering why I’m spending so much time relating our moviegoing experience, it’s for two reasons: 1) Justin pays by the word (ha!), and 2) there’s only so many ways I can think of to say “This movie rocks socks, go see it.” Seriously, it’s easy to fill twenty paragraphs eviscerating a total dud, but giving a gem its proper credit is what will have you reaching for a thesaurus to find your umpteenth synonym for “excellent.” And Pixar movies are especially tough, because every review sounds completely identical… go ahead, check what we had to say about Monsters, Inc. or Finding Nemo. Wait, don’t tell me, let me guess: stunning animation, great voice actors, cute but predictable plot, and ultimately very funny. How’d I do?

That said, not making the effort at all would be doing Cars a grave disservice, so here goes. Storywise, we’re not talking anything really surprising, but there are enough subtle jokes thrown in to mostly keep older viewers from getting bored. To whit: young, self-involved Lightning McQueen (Wilson) is competing in the world-famous Piston Cup alongside retiring champion “the King” (Petty) and perennial runner-up and major jerk Chick Hicks (Keaton). A three-way tie necessitates a race-off to be held a week later in California; but while traveling there, McQueen gets lost and accidentally wreaks havoc in the sleepy little town of Radiator Springs. Tried, found guilty, and forced to work until he can repair all the damage he caused, can Lightning hope to make the race in time? And more importantly, will he rediscover what makes driving worthwhile in the first place? Or… y’know, will this be the first Pixar/Disney joint where nobody learns anything and the hero loses in the end? Well, you’ll just have to see it and find out!

The animation in particular is worthy of far more praise than I can bestow on it, but seriously… if you’ve seen any Pixar movie since Toy Story, you already know the formula: every film is amazing looking and each one better than the last, so go in expecting to be impressed by every individual blade of grass whipping around as cars jet past. And you don’t necessarily think about it right away, but when a movie features talking cars as the only form of life, a lot of everyday things we just take for granted have to be redesigned. Major props to all involved in such overhauls, as creativity was evident in everything from spacious, wide-open stores and hotel rooms you could quite literally drive a bus through, to revised pit crew procedures for those lacking opposable thumbs (or any other digits).

Also as usual, a nice job has been done of casting actors with recognizable voices, but not so recognizable that every line takes you out of the movie… mostly, anyway. (I’m looking at you, George Carlin — you were great, but your voice is too darn distinctive.) It turns out even Larry the Cable Guy can be funny when he’s not bellowing “Git ‘er done!” every three seconds… who knew? Meanwhile, Owen Wilson was the perfect pick to voice Lightning, self-assured and cocky but full of relatable guy-next-door charm. Paul Newman has that classic “old soldier” tone that embodies grizzled veteran Doc so well, and while I didn’t recognize her voice until the credits rolled, Bonnie Tyler played Sally with just the right mixture of self-confident moxie and (when necessary) bittersweet regret.

In terms of criticism, I will say this — at just under 2 hours, Cars may be a bit too long. Neither the wife nor I minded, but the small children huddled around us in every direction were definitely getting restless at around the 1:45 mark. But then again, neither of us could really think of a scene we wish had been trimmed either… bit of a catch-22. The other thing is that taken as a whole, the film may be just a little too preachy, the message a tad too straightforward at the expense of a few jokes and a deeper plotline. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still great, but it’s a bit more Toy Story than it is Toy Story 2, a bit more The Incredibles than Finding Nemo. By which I mean, of course, it’s only better than about 98% of all movies released this year, so beware.

That said, it really is a terrific flick, and as you’d expect from Pixar, there’s plenty of rewatchability — you could go nuts trying to spot all the cute little car references and in-jokes alone. Bottom line, you won’t go wrong checking this one out yourself, or in loading up the car and bringing the whole family along for an outing. Fill up your tank, adjust your rearview, and roll out!

Lissa’s rating: Don’t drive like my brother!

Lissa’s review: Ever since I’ve allowed Ducklet to realize we have a DVD collection, I’ve seen the movie Cars more times than I can count. This kid is obsessed with anything with an engine (he could tell the difference between a diesel truck and a gasoline truck by 18 months!), adores cars, tractors, and trucks, and likes catchy music and NASCAR. It’s a really, really good thing this movie wears well.

Cars is a Pixar effort, and widely acknowledged as decent but not as good or innovative as Toy Story (1 or 2) or Monsters, Inc. On the surface, it’s a pretty cute story about a rookie race car, Lightning McQueen (voiced by Owen Wilson). Lightning might be one of the most talented racers ever, but like every talented Disney hero, his ego is his downfall and he realizes he has no real friends. After tying with Chick Hicks (Michael Keaton) and The King (Richard Petty — yes, the racecar driver) for the Piston Cup, Lightning must travel across the country to California for the big tie-breaker. On the way, he ends up having a traffic accident in a small town, being sentenced to community service, and falling for the Porche lawyer.

In other words, it’s Doc Hollywood as done by cars.

The plot is probably the least interesting thing about the movie. It’s solid, it’s cute, it’s a total rip-off, but it’s just kind of there. You know how it will end, and you know that McQueen will learn the value of friendship and loyalty and that he’s not the only car in the world. But Cars is still a pretty fun movie, for a couple of different reasons.

On the one hand, Pixar has gone ahead and created a parallel universe where cars are the inhabitants of Earth. Everything is car oriented, which is pretty neat. Sure, if you’re being logical you might ask how a car manages to manufacture tires, do fine precision mechanical work, or heck, reproduce, but who’s being all that logical? (I mean, do you really want to think about car sex? Please don’t answer me if you do.) But, like Monsters, Inc., I find the creation of this whole different world interesting, and it very much adds to the movie. If this same movie had been done with human riders in the cars in a human world, it would not be half as entertaining. Plus, it’s pretty fun to see what some of the voice actors would look like as cars. (I particularly like how the animators did Chick Hicks’ mustache.)

The other attraction — and ironically, I think this is one of the reasons that Cars hasn’t been praised as much by the Mutant writers — is that it’s chock full of in-jokes. Some of the in-jokes people will get immediately, such as the For the Birds birds sitting on a telephone wire, or the Lightyear tire company, or the utterly hysterical drive in movies at the end of the movie. But a lot of the jokes are car related, and more than that, NASCAR related. Not that there’s anything remotely wrong with NASCAR, but I think a lot of us who are involved with this site don’t watch it much. I know a bit about it because I like country music and you can’t like country music and not pick up SOMETHING about NASCAR, and my stepfather loves it. But I really don’t know much.

We visited my parents this past weekend, however, and my stepfather was watching a NASCAR race (and Duckie and I realized NASCAR is likely in our future if our son continues along his current motorhead path). I think I must have told my stepfather he needs to see Cars twenty times as we watched the race, because watching it made the movie so much funnier and more relevant, especially when watching the pit stops. Not to mention some of the biggest names in racing do some voices. Richard Petty has a major role as The King, but Mario Andretti, Dale Earnhardt, Jr., and Michael Schumacher all make appearances, too. Sportscasters Bob Costas and Darrell Waltrip become Bob Cutlass and Darrell Cartrip. My current personal favorites are Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers (aka Ray and Tom Magliozzi of Car Talk on NPR) doing the voices of the Rust-eze guys. If you like the world of cars and you like racing, I think you will find this movie incredibly funny. And as I learn more about NASCAR, I find myself enjoying the movie more and more.

Aside from the NASCAR guys, there are a lot of other famous voices in Cars, as well. (A big difference from the recently released Ratatouille, incidentally.) George Carlin brings his hippie weatherman out for a spin again in Filmore, the VW bus with an organic fuel obsession. Jeremy Piven plays yet another agent as Harv, the voice-only agent of Lightning McQueen. Bonnie Hunt, Paul Newman, Cheech Marin, Tony Shalhoub, John Ratzenberger… the list goes on and on. But the voice that really steals the show is Larry the Cable Guy as Mater, the rusty old tow truck with more tow cable than brains who leads Lightning McQueen into the world of tractor tipping. Yes, I said tractor tipping. I don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there.

Add in a great soundtrack with songs performed by Sheryl Crow, Jimi Hendrix, Rascal Flatts (I like them, okay?), Chuck Berry, and the funniest use of a Kenny G song I’ve ever seen, and some great quotes and quips, and you’ve got a pretty great movie overall. It’s classic Pixar in that it’s great for kids but just as many jokes for adults (including some overt sexual flirting and a drug reference I’m amazed the Magliozzi brothers got away with), and it’s fast and fun and colorful. Sure, it drags a bit, especially when you get to the moral part, but it’s still worth watching again and again and again and again and again….

Didja notice?

• Pinstriping tattoo on the trunk… might as well be a bullseye
• Legendary racecar driver Richard Petty provides the voice of “the King,” while “Mrs. the King” is voiced by his wife. In addition, Mario Andretti and Dale Earnhardt Jr. provide cameo voices
• The commentators are Bob Costas and Jeremy Piven
• Lightning’s original number was going to be 57, director John Lasseter’s birth year. It was later changed to 95 to symbolize 1995, the year Toy Story was released
• Tractor tipping… heh
• Several tires and a blimp carry the logo “Lightyear,” a wink to tire manufacturer Goodyear and to Buzz Lightyear, space RANGER!
• When Lightning hits a jump, he does the Michael Jordan tongue. Awesome!
• Filmore’s license plate reads “51237,” which is voice actor George Carlin’s birthday – May 12, 1937.
• It’s cute that there’s a car parodying Jay Leno (Jay Limo), but c’mon… where’s David Lettervan? Stupid Disney.
• Luigi’s best set of tires are the brand “Fettucini Alfredo.”