“If this were a movie, it would take three or four sequels to do it justice.”

Justin’s Rating: Chu-chu-chu-chu-CHUUUUUUCKY!

Justin’s Review: Do you ever wonder, as I have, why horror movies are incredibly notorious for spawning numerous sequels, regardless of the critical success or even the box office? I mean, you get some smash comedy, and it’s deeply lucky if it gets even one sequel. But you take some horror film that maybe three people have seen — your Trolls, your C.H.U.D.s, your Leprechauns — and movie studios are just lining up to continue cranking them out. What is UP with that?

I’m sure a large part of it has to do with the relatively low cost of making a horror film (although it strikes me that comedies would be cheaper, lacking the special effects budget), and the practically assured box office/video rental return that will make a million or two in profit. There might not be a huge fan base for slasher films, but what is out there is faithful. Yet, I think another reason for the horror genre sequel phenomenon is simply for notoriety. The more sequels a horror film has, the more people notice the franchise. A Nightmare On Elm Street was a fine scare flick, but would Freddy have truly been as popular and famous had he only the one movie to his name? Sure, people might complain about seven sequels, but you better bet they know the claws now!

The Chucky franchise is a horror movie underdog. It’s not quite at the same A-list quality of the bigger bad boys (who at least have one well-done film among their lessers), but it’s also not just a lame straight-to-video knockoff. It carves its nitch (ack) with that old bedfellow of horror: just a splash of comedy around the eyes. On one hand, a movie about a killing DOLL is plain ridiculous. On the other hand, it’s also kinda sinister when the lights go down. Like a pint-sized Freddy, Chucky is famous for his one-liners and inventive (yet always gory) kills. The Chucky series ran its course in the late ’80s and early ’90s, and lay dormant for almost a decade as most people considered him dead, buried and forgotten.

Not quite. In a slightly bold move, Chucky caught wind of the slasher movie revival to sneak in a third sequel for the cause. Bride of Chucky steps away from a Roman numeral behind the title, and shifts significantly over into comedy. It would almost be a delightful picnic for the fam and kids, except for the rampant doll sex. As if the world didn’t have enough problems.

Chucky’s long-suffering girlfriend steals his corpse (not melted into a puddle of goo, of course) from a police station, does a bit of the ol’ voodoo that she do, and Jack Nicholson’s alter ego is back in doll form (yes, I know that Jack doesn’t do the voice, but it sounds about one shade shy of The Shining). Not content to lead a single life, Chucky returns the favor on girlfriend Tiffany (Jennifer Tilly), electrocuting her and transferring her soul over into a female doll. You see where we’re going with this. You recognize the pathway on the road to RAMPANT DOLL SEX. As long as we’re in this together, buddy, we can make it through.

I wish I could say that Bride of Chucky has 100% originality going for it, but it doesn’t completely escape the cliché minefield without a few casualties. Chucky and Tiffany hijack a pair of teenagers, both of which are so painfully stereotyped and quite dumb. Trust me, after about the third or fourth scene where the teens continually declare their love for each other while refusing to go to the police for help, you won’t have any problem siding with the dolls. Then there are a few jokes that fall flat, namely any that have to do with voodoo or references to other dollmakers. Finally, the ending doesn’t give an impression that this movie was trying to be anything more than a thrills and spills ride. The story advances just a tiny bit, then stops cold.

However, I’m slightly partial to this flick, mostly due to it’s tongue-in-cheek attitude. It’s completely self-referential, it has animatronics that look way better than the previous films, and it’s about impossible not to laugh at the ultra-wimpy goth guy at the beginning of the film. It was a step above some of the other drivel that sequels preach, and may even some day cause me to forgive the

RAMPANT DOLL SEX. Okay, let’s deal with this and go home. There’s no nudity or sex in this film, other than a scene where Chucky and Tiffany consummate their marriage. Now, it’s not too explicit, but I think I speak for the free world when I say that even a little implied doll sex is way more than ever need be. If you think about this subject for more than a minute, then your brain starts raising truly disturbing questions about the hows and whys and whatevers, and then therapy is needed.

It’s okay, Justin. It’s over. It’s over. It’s OH MY SWEET CANDYLAND MY BRAIN IS ON FIRE!!!