“I will end up living in that rotten house, full of spinsters with no grandchildren.”

Kyle’s Rating: Aishwarya Rai is so attractive that if I went blind tomorrow it would be sort of okay because I’ve seen her. Wow!

Kyle’s Review: I’m one of those students who, at least in high school, felt that it was horribly unfortunate to have Jane Austen foisted upon us. Reading her work was a chore, and I have to admit I read as little of it as possible and just did my best to bluff my way through discussions. Yeah, like you never did anything like that. In college, though, one of my favorite instructors was a Jane Austen fanatic, and through the course of several courses and then doing research work for her as an assistant, I gained a real appreciation for Austen’s work. It didn’t hurt to have modern fun films like Emma and Clueless to serve as enlightening adaptations of her work, but her literary accomplishments can’t be denied. If you told me in high school I would ever say anything like that, I’ve have beaten you for your lunch money. Crazy!

Despite it all, though, I never really got into Pride & Prejudice. I can appreciate and understand character arcs throughout various other Austen works, but a lot of what goes on in Pride & Prejudice only works in the abstract for me. But I haven’t seen that legendary Colin Firth adaptation from a few years back, so maybe that will straighten a lot out for me. You never know.

However, the way Bride & Prejudice spins Austen’s story is extremely impressive. It also wisely uses the modern Indian system of marrying off daughters to effectively echo how it used to be in Austen’s day, but uses plenty of good humor to mock the whole set-up. Doing a version of this story set in America would have required bending over backwards to retain the intricate “my daughters have to be married or our lives are ruined!” structure. I can’t lie: it’s still fairly confusing, and I’m pretty smart. But B&P does an excellent job of capturing all the important aspects of Austen’s novel, and whether you’re watching it for fun or using it as video sparknotes for a class, you won’t be disappointed.

Of course, it is a Bollywood musical adaptation, which means that there are big dancing scenes featuring cast members breaking into song, and lots of traditional Indian music. Which might not be your thing…

…but if you’re a guy, you should strongly consider putting yourself through it, because this is one of the most photogenic casts ever assembled in the history of the world. Plus you can tell people that you heard Sayid from “Lost” was in this film, so there’s that “cool” and “current pop culture trend” associated with it. But really, all of the Bakshi daughters are insanely attractive, culminating in lead Aishwarya Rai, who is potentially the most attractive woman ever born in the history of life on Earth. There are no words appropriate for describing her beauty, so like Will Ferrell’s James Lipton, I’m forced to make one up: flibberflabbergoorumpscrurous. Amazing! Plus, just when you think things can’t get any better, Alexis Bledel pops up. Flibberflabbergoorumpscrurous!

All the beauty on display helps the distastefulness of the plot go down a little smoother. Without the generous dollops of good humor, the intense focus on marriage is very off-putting. Obviously, it’s much more important in certain cultures to marry off all the female relatives, but when it’s such an integral part of the plot, it gets pretty crazy. Anyway, here the focus is on the Bakshi family, which consists of a wise and loving dad and a marriage-obsessed mom who simply can’t wait to marry off her four lovely daughters. The most beautiful and most independent is certainly Lalita (Rai), and most of the running time is dedicated to her helping her sisters (and best friend) find love and marriage while trying to figure out if the charmingly enigmatic Mr. Darcy (a solid Martin Henderson) is annoyingly bad or he’s actually awesome and just right for her. What do you think?

There’s a bit more complexity here than I’m touching on, and I argue that using the cultural touches from India as the film’s backbone really accentuates a lot of the social intricacies between East and West coming together for love. Moreso than the original setting does (sorry, Jane Austen!). All the visual beauty on display, both in the scenes in India and also when the action moves to London and Beverly Hills, is wonderfully captured on film, and while I could easily go off on how beautiful that cast is, just take my word for it that it’s madness. Jolly happy madness! I can’t even believe it. I’ve never built a shrine to anyone in my life, but I’m tempted to do so for Aishwarya Rai. Wow.

So, yeah, this is another romantic comedy starring some of the world’s most beautiful people who don’t realize that they’re perfect for each other until the final reel, but it’s charming and fun. There are much worse ways to waste a couple hours, believe me. And it never hurts to get a literary leg up on friends and classmates, you know?