Let’s pretend for a moment that our universe operates exactly like the Universe of Chick Flicks. All successful relationships are based on lies or contrived meets, gay men exist solely as sassy comic relief to their straight best friends and shopping is done in montage. In this universe, women are highly encouraged to join the work force so that they can complain about not being married without looking like anti-feminist nitwits. But what career would best suit you in this strange world? As your personal guide into independent-womanhood, I present to you the 5 most popular careers of the Romantic Comedy genre!

Journalism

By far the most promising field for RomCom heroines is the field of journalism. If you’re a bright woman you can be just like magazine editor Jenna (13 Going On 30,) columnists Carrie (Sex and the City,) Andie (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,) and Rebecca (Confessions of a Shopaholic,) food critic Julianne (My Best Friend’s Wedding) or reporters Annie (Sleepless in Seattle,) Josie (Never Been Kissed) and Sara (Hitch.)

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg! Printed word not your thing? Don’t fret! The televised news industry is also bursting with career opportunities for women! Take television producers Abby (The Ugly Truth) and Becky (Morning Glory) for example, or on-air reporters Lanie (Life or Something Like It) and Bridget (Bridget Jones’ Diary). You’ll have to deal with some hilarious mishaps and perhaps a bitter rivalry or two, but stick it out and voice your genius ideas (an article on the state of Liberia and how it relates to the US makeover industry! live reports from the middle of a wild llama stampede! sarcastic commentary on movies made for a predominantly female audience!) In a month or two, you’ll get to publish a best-selling book or maybe even win a Pulitzer!

Law

Perhaps you belong in that 20% of women who aren’t meant for journalism, but you’re still a tough, intelligent go-getter who grabs the bull by the horns. Sounds like a career in law is for you!

I know you’re thinking that being a lawyer sounds super hard, but don’t sweat it; in Chick Flick ‘Verse, you hardly have to work at all. You just get to show off that you survived law school, can afford a sweet bachelorette pad in Manhattan and can still manage a full social life, just like Elle (Legally Blonde,) Liv (Bride Wars,) Rachel (Something Borrowed) or Miranda (Sex and the City.) The best thing about being a high-powered lawyer is that you command almost as much respect as a doctor, but by doing way less work and not holding people’s fragile lives in your hands. And who knows? Play your cards right, and that hot millionaire suing his ex-wife for custody could be asking you out for drinks later on!

Arts Management

So maybe you’re not a journalist or a lawyer. Maybe you’re hard-working and well-educated, but an introvert or admirer of the finer things in life. A career in the arts is perfect for you! Of course, you can’t be an artist. With the exception of fashion designers and architects, artists are overwhelmingly poor and dirty. But like Beth (When In Rome,) Brooke (The Break-Up,) Hannah (Made of Honor) or Charlotte (Sex and th– dang, this show is all over these stock careers,) you could find yourself on the business side of art. As a museum curator or gallery manager, you can earn a sweet paycheck and look both professional and avant garde ! A short warning: unless you’re at the type of high society event where everyone is trying to look the most cultured, nobody wants to talk art history with you. Sorry, but Picasso’s affairs and the effects on his work just aren’t that interesting to your journalist and lawyer friends.

Personal Assistance

So you have only just entered the workforce and have yet to garner enough experience to win your dream job. What do you do? Find a successful person you’d like to emulate and become their personal assistant! But as women like Andy (The Devil Wears Prada,) Lucy (Two Weeks Notice) and Jane (27 Dresses) have learned, serving as an assistant is utterly thankless, and literally the only job that actually requires work (except perhaps childcare, such as in Au Pair and The Nanny Diaries.) You’ll have to fetch coffee (*gasp!*) You’ll have to make phone calls (*shock!*) You may even have to use a copier (*horror!*) Between the hours you’ll give up slaving over events calendars and the stand-offish attitude you’ll gain from discovering that work is actual work, you may ruin your preexisting relationships. But chin up, and remember that you’ll learn life-changing lessons and will someday get your dream career. Probably in a year or so!

Culinary Services

Long for a career that allows you to be financially independent but also has a domestic flair? Today’s RomCom leading lady can get all this and more by landing a job in the culinary arts! A master chef is a highly respected individual, and it’s easy to start your own five star restaurant if you’re as talented as Kate (No Reservations) or have a little supernatural assistance like Amanda (Simply Irresistible.) As a baker, you can combine your talents for both art and chemistry and maybe even start your own business, much like Jane (It’s Complicated,) Milly (Because I Said So,) Jean (The Perfect Man) or Annie (Bridesamids.) If you’re no wizard in the kitchen, try catering, like Polly (Along Came Polly) or Ashley (Over Her Dead Body,) or become a waitress like Kat, Daisy and Jojo (Mystic Pizza.) It may not seem flashy, but you’ll appear more down-to-earth than the average columnist or art dealer. And remember – the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!

So go forth, you young, gorgeous, intelligent, thin, educated, interesting, super-awesome Chick Flick chick! You may enter the world with nary but a dime in your pocket and a twinkle in your eye, but by choosing to follow one of the above career paths you’ll have a fabulous wardrobe, enviable loft apartment, thriving social life, and mega-huge paycheck in no time!

Honorable Mentions: Education, Fashion Design, Wedding Planning, Retail, Public Relations (guess who’s in this one! If you guessed Samantha of Sex and the City, you win. Your prize is absolutely nothing.)

5 Rare (But Awesome) Chick Flick Careers:

FBI Agent – Grace (Miss Congeniality)

Environmental Lobbyist – Sydney (The American President)

Man-Child Expert – Paula (Failure to Launch)

Heiress – Joanna (Overboard)

Welder/Exotic Dancer – Alex (Flashdance)