[Editor’s Note: back in 2004, Kyle and I decided to collaborate on a Choose Your Own Adventure-style Halloween article. It was so much fun we did it again in 2005 and 2006. Sue and Al pitched in for 2007, and in 2008 Sue, Al, Lissa, Mike, and Kaleb joined me for our fifth and final Haunted House. The new blog format precludes any further installments, but until the old site eventually gets taken down, please enjoy these blasts from the past!]
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“Are you trying to tell me you don’t believe in ghosts?”
From the backseat, Michael’s question issues forth like the cry of a petulant child. It’s not bad enough you have to drive idiot friends of friends of your friends to the big Halloween party; your unwanted passengers have to be raving lunatics as well.
You glance into your rearview mirror to look Michael in the eyes; you’re still a bit in disbelief that this idiot wanted to sit in the back alone despite being the first person you picked up. “It’s not that I don’t believe in ghosts, Mike,” you say, “It’s just I haven’t met any yet. Even though I’d like to.” They’d certainly be better company than you, you think.
The quiet that follows your statement tells you that Michael is trying to think up a clever response and is willing to stay at it as long as it takes. You’re appreciative of the lull, anyway: it gives you time to figure out how mad you are that your final passengers are taking their sweet-ass time to leave their house.
“Do you know these two?” you ask Michael.
“Oh, uh, only by reputation,” he replies. “Paul is one of the biggest goof-offs at our school, and the dirt on his girlfriend Suzy is that out of the whole school she’s absolutely the biggest-”
“-sister of one of my best friends?” you interject, pointedly.
“Yeah. Exactly.” You can hear the material of your backseat crinkle as Michael leans back into it, undoubtedly crossing his arms at being denied a chance to gossip. You couldn’t care less. Now getting to the party on time, that you care a great deal about…
And the sound of a slamming door draws your attention back to the house you’re parked in front of, and in the relative dark you see what has to be Paul and Suzy walking down the front yard to your car.
“Finally,” you mutter, reaching over to unlock the front and rear passenger doors.
Reaching the car, Paul opens the front door for Suzy, allowing her to ride shotgun. Closing the door after her, he opens the rear door and gets in next to Michael.
Suzy affixes you with the wild eyes of a young party girl. You’ve met her fleetingly before, but never without her parents casting their shadow over her behavior. But now, thinking ahead to the booze-soaked party and dressed, as you can now see in the interior lights of your car, as a scantilier-clad version of a Playboy bunny, Suzy appears to be showing you her true colors.
“Oh, it’s great to see you again! Thanks for driving us! If Mom knew where we were going, I’d be chained to my bed for the rest of my life!” Suzy gushes. Michael snickers in the backseat at the possibilities there; so does Paul. You just smile brightly at Suzy, instruct everyone to put on seatbelts as you start up your car, and press the gas to finally get on your way.
The diversion to Suzy’s house took you a little out of your way, but there are a couple side streets you can take back to the main boulevard, then it’s a straight-shot to this cabin your friends found for the party. Once again, you reach for the radio to avoid the necessity of making conversation with these people.
“Um, actually,” Suzy says slowly to you, “There’s an awesome shortcut my sister found yesterday that’ll get us there in no time. It’s a dirt road, but it’s rural and there are no houses or cops so you can really get us there in no time. It’s coming up beyond that fence up ahead.”
Clutching her bunny ears in her hand, Suzy points out a dirt turnout that couldn’t be more dark if all the streetlights and stars went out on this already black October 31. Your car can take the off-road excursion, you’re sure, but even without superstitions you wonder if it’s a good idea to tempt fate by driving a dark and deserted road on Halloween.
IF YOU FOLLOW SUZY’S ADVICE AND FOLLOW THE DIRT ROAD, CLICK HERE
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