“Things sure have changed since we got kicked out of high school.”

The Scoop: 1979 PG, directed by Roger Corman and starring P.J. Soles, Dey Young and Clint Howard

Tagline: Will your school be next?!

Summary Capsule: #1 Ramones fan Riff Randell battles her tyrannical school principal in an effort to attend a concert and give the band some songs she wrote. Screwball comedy ensues.

Drew’s rating: DID YOU KNOW? “Hey ho, let’s go!” is both a Ramones catchphrase and an acceptable manner of soliciting a prostitute in certain parts of New York.

Drew’s review: The Ramones and I have a rocky history. When I was young and unbelievably musically ignorant, I said what is still one of the stupidest things to ever leave my mouth. It is both horrifying and the absolute truth when I tell you a friend of mine mentioned the Ramones, and I replied with, “Oh yeah, the guys who did the Friends theme song, right?” (Stop. No need to fire off hate email, believe me, it’s already been internalized.) In time I gained, if not true fandom, at least a healthy respect for the punk pioneers and their work, which mainly consists of one highly innovative song given multiple titles and played a dozen times in succession. So when I first joined MRFH and realized that Rock ‘n’ Roll High School hadn’t been reviewed, I resolved to someday change that. And a couple of years ago when Justin compiled a list of 50 cult films we still hadn’t covered, I was surprised it didn’t make the list… not because R’n’R HS is some undiscovered gem, but it IS a cult classic. So here we are, and it’s time to find out what we’re dealing with:

Vince Lombardi High is your typical Hollywood school, meaning mega-nerd Kate Rambeau (Young) and peppy slacker Riff Randell (Soles) are BFFs rather than casual acquaintances who don’t hang out because they have nothing in common. Kate’s nursing a crush on Tom (Vincent Van Patten), a guy so boring no girl will give him the time of day even though he’s handsome and captain of the football team, because, again: Hollywood school. He in turn has his eye on Riff, with a little help from proto-Ferris Bueller Eaglebauer (Howard); but that’s purely academic because Riff isn’t interested in anyone whose fake last name ain’t “Ramone.” It’s this enthusiasm for her favorite band that fails to endear Riff to new principal Togar (Mary Woronov), whose totalitarian aspirations include stamping out rock ‘n’ roll, especially the Ramones, because their music is known to cause lab mice to explode. (Enh, still not as cruel as Ozzy Osbourne.) So you’d best believe that when Riff skips 3 days of school to wait in line for Ramones tickets, the hammer? It’s already been broughten down.

Not that anyone walks into “Rock ‘n’ Roll High School” looking for thespian excellence, but to be clear: the acting isn’t great. Some exception can be made for Clint Howard, who’s not as hilarious as he will be in later movies but is still a standout in his role. PJ Soles brings definite exuberance to Riff, though to be fair, it doesn’t seem like the most challenging character either. Everyone else is basically okay, except the Ramones, who honestly seem like the only thing keeping them from looking directly into the camera in every scene is the hair covering their eyes. Whatever, they’re there to sell tickets, not to pad their Oscar reel. It’s a 1979 high school film, so until the very end special effects are limited to getting paper airplanes to fly right, unless you count mice exploding. (I don’t.) The plot is nothing you haven’t seen before, but the humor — though never truly hilarious — is kind of weirdly innocent and sweet, despite being pretty strange at times. Definitely a relic of a bygone era, this one is.

In the final tally, I can recommend R’n’R HS, but with reservations. It’s a throwback to old screwball comedies where anything could happen without having to make sense, and it relies on that zaniness to drive laughs rather than pairing it with rapid-fire jokes like an Airplane! or a Mel Brooks film. It’s a teen movie, but without the depth of a Brat Pack flick or the sex humor of Porky’s or American Pie. It’s a music-driven movie without being an actual musical, and 80% of the music is by one band. That all adds up to a pretty niche movie, so make your decision accordingly. If you’re a Ramones fan, you’ve already seen it. If you fancy yourself a cult fan, you should see it. If neither of those labels applies to you, I can’t imagine what R’n’R HS can offer you that other, better films in the high school comedy genre couldn’t.

Intermission!

• While I thought R’n’R HS was always intended as a Ramones vehicle, apparently it was almost the other way around. Director Roger Corman wanted to do an updated version of his teen movies from the ’50s and ’60s and the screenplay bounced around concepts for a while, even being titled “Disco High” for a while. (If they’d stuck with that, I promise you would not be reading this review. Blech.) The decision was eventually made to focus on a specific band, and after Todd Rundgren (really?), Cheap Trick, Devo, and Van Halen were all either unavailable or dismissed as options, the Ramones were chosen. I have to think this would be a pretty damn different movie if Riff Randell was a big Devo fan, don’t you?
• Vince Lombardi High School is named after the legendary (and notoriously strict) former coach of the Green Bay Packers, who encouraged hard work and discipline among his players. One of his most famous maxims was, “Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.”
• This is true: when my mother-in-law heard the Ramones weren’t brothers, she said, “Wait, you’re saying four unrelated guys with the same last name just decided to form a band together?” *forehead slap* (Just kidding, Mom, you’re the best!)
• The levels on the “Rock-o-meter” read: Muzak, Pat Boone, Debbie Boone, Donny & Marie, Kansas, Peter Frampton, Foreigner, Jethro Tull, Led Zeppelin, Ted Nugent, Rolling Stones, the Who, and finally the Ramones. This is flawed because LZ will never, ever take a back seat to the Nuge, and as great as they are, the Who do not rock more than the motherlovin’ Stones. (The Ramones get a pass because it’s their movie.)
• Not gonna lie: the one-handed strap unfastening took me a while to master. Those things are like straitjackets, I really think it’s time we implemented some sort of velcro system.
• It’s a good thing he was talented musically, because Joey Ramone was one ugly, ugly dude. Sorry, man.
• None of the Ramones are particularly good actors, but supposedly Dee Dee was so bad his dialogue was cut to two lines, both involving pizza. Maybe he should’ve been a Ninja Turtle.
• SPOILER: in the film’s climax, the students blow up the school. As flames shoot out at the flagpole, it looks like the American flag catches on fire. While I’ll defend the film crew’s freedom to do that, I really hope they used a lookalike “stunt flag” or something.

Groovy Quotes:

Eaglebauer: Let’s get back to you. Tell me exactly what you want out of life.
Tom: I want someone with huge breasts.

Riff: Tom Roberts is so boring his brother is an only child.

Angel Dust: I’m first in line, and if you don’t like it, you can put it where the monkey puts the nuts.

Riff: Kate, do you realize that they’re all really brothers? I mean, imagine being the only sister in the Ramones family!
Kate: …

Togar: Well, I think that should teach them a lesson in deportment.
Hansel: How do you spell that?
Togar: D – E – portment.

Joey Ramone: Things sure have changed since we got kicked out of high school.

Togar: Do your parents know that you’re Ramones?

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• This Is Spinal Tap
• Grease
• Rock ‘n’ Roll High School Forever