“Oh, I forgot. You’re not hip to this new lingo.”

Drake’s rating: I don’t think anyone in this film ever even saw a motorcycle before now

Drake’s review: I’ll be the first to admit it: My recent foray into the first three Vice Academy flicks sent me running for cover. The combination of bad dialogue, worse acting, and direction equivalent to some guy filming his family on the beach with his phone and giving them instructions like, “Now everyone smile!” was enough to turn me off of bad movies forever. Which, let’s be honest, is the figurative kiss of death* to a Mutant Reviewer. So I knew I had to get back into that saddle and take another swing for the fences.

Or, to put it bluntly without incorrectly mixing any more metaphors, I had take in a bad movie without wishing the movie industry had died a quiet death way back in the nickelodeon days of the early 1900s.

But where to find such a thing? Well, that part was admittedly pretty easy. After all, those notorious schlockmeisters over at American International Pictures had turned out more than their fair share of bad movies over the decades, so it was a simple decision to throw a dart at their prodigious catalog of classics and see where it landed.

Much to my delight, and no doubt the unbridled joy of Justin as well, that dart came down smack in the middle of a little flick called Motorcycle Gang, a late ‘50s exploitation flick directed by AIP mainstay Edward L. Cahn, the man responsible for such wonderfully campy dreck as Girls in Prison and The She-Creature. What could go wrong?

Well, nothing, really, because Motorcycle Gang is exactly the movie it sets out to be. It’s a low-budget romp that comes in at around 80 minutes so it can anchor a double-feature at the local drive-in… and that’s about it. Still, it’s a fair effort by everyone involved since, as opposed to something like say, Vice Academy, Motorcycle Gang has professionals involved at every level.

Take lead actor Steve Terrell, for instance. Sure, he might not be a household name, but he had a pile of credits leading up his time at AIP and continued to work regularly before leaving acting behind in 1963. And as the film’s hero Randy, he does a pretty good job. He’s a biker, yes, but he’s one of the good guys, obeying the rules and setting an example. He even tries tries to be a good influence on new girl Terry (Anne Neyland, Jailhouse Rock) who just flew in from Chicago and is already racing around the city like a two-wheeled bat out of hell.

Things don’t get any easier when Randy’s old friend Nick (John Ashley, Dragstrip Girl) shows up, though. Nick’s just out of stir and he blames Randy for his time behind bars. It seems the two of them were a pretty wild duo a few years back, but an accidental hit-and-run set Randy on the straight and narrow, even as it sent Nick to the big house. And Nick’s just not the forgiving type. He eggs Randy on, trying to get him to ignore the rules even while he moves in on Terry, but Randy’s just not going to throw his whole life away. And besides, the big race is coming up and he knows he can take home the trophy this year.

Motorcycle Gang is very content to be a quick morality tale where the good guy comes out on top in the end, but it’s not without a certain amount of effort. It’s corny and dated, to be sure, but at the same time Cahn & Co. exhibited enough professionalism to make it a watchable flick that knows what its limits are. If you’re like me, and enjoy the occasional 1950’s campfest, then you could do worse than Motorcycle Gang. And be sure to listen to Randy and stay in your seat, keep your attention on the road and obey the speed limit. After all, you don’t want to end up like John Ashley.**

*Possibly a literal one, too. The Mutant Contract is unclear on that point. Meaning, it’s all smudged and hard to read.

**Who went on to a long career in B-movies and then another highly lucrative career as the producer of the A-Team TV series. Hmm… maybe we should just ignore Randy.

Intermission!

• Dig that sped-up camera, man!
• It’s easy to go fast when you’re racing against a rear-projection screen.
• This movie decides to make its own slang by randomly jamming two words together. For all I know, that’s how the screenwriter actually thought ‘50s slang worked.
• Man, some of these stunts just need a slide whistle to bring out their comedy potential.
• Uh-oh, gramps got out the fiddle. I’m not sure the kids dig your crazy tunes, old man!
• Whoa, Nick! You’re getting way too handsy there!
• No one even looks comfortable just sitting on a stationary bike.
• Terrorizing the mom & pop cafe. Seems about John Ashley’s speed.
• And now they’ve moved up to kidnapping.
• KO’d with his own helmet!
• It’s always satisfying to see John Ashley get punched in the face. He was great at playing the smarmy heavy.