“Well I’ll be… super-amalgamated.”

Justin’s rating: No pigs were eaten in the making of this film

Justin’s review: Before Indiana Jones, before James Bond, before decency in movies, there was… Doc Savage. Savage originated in a pulp magazine that ran from 1933 to 1949, which were then reprinted in books over successive decades, selling over 20 million copies by 1980. And, to date, 1975’s Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze has been the only feature film made from this legend.

Savage (Ron Ely, who played Tarzan in the ’60s) is kind of a hybrid of explorer, scientist, and inventor in the 1930s, always ready for a jaunt around the globe to do whatever seems exciting and imperative that day.

Helping him out is his support team, the Fabulous Five, which includes a lawyer, a chemist (who’s got the most adorable pig pet), an engineer, an archeologist, and an electrician.* Doc sometimes takes a jaunt to his Fortress of Solitude — you don’t have a copyright on that, Superman — in the Arctic Circle for some R&R.

When his dad dies under mysterious circumstances and Doc Savage himself comes under threat of assassination, both events prompt him to go to Central America to investigate. They adventure through the jungle to find a lost tribe that had granted Doc’s father land rights — rights that the villainous Captain Seas would like to obtain for himself due to a pool of liquid gold that’s there. Cue a lot of murder attempts, glowing green snakes, and evil shenanigans.

Just as in the ’90s with The Phantom, Dick Tracy, and The Mummy, Doc Savage embraces its pulp fiction origins and makes no apologies for it. This is a movie where the main character puts his branded logo on everything, has a support entourage of five grown-ups following him everywhere, and rides cars by standing on the sideboard and letting the wind ripple through his hair. Nothing here is meant to be taken seriously — all of this is outside the bounds of believability — but simply to be enjoyed as is.

This is fast-moving escapades, mysticism, gadgets, ’70s leisure suits in the ’30s, fight scenes with style subtitles, and ridiculous developments. It’s a tad campy in spots, but the pacing of the adventure is surprisingly decent. I could’ve done without the John Phillips Sousa marches for the action scenes and travel montages, though.

While I’m certainly not claiming any plagiarism or even inspiration for the Indiana Jones series, it’s fascinating to see some of the same elements and set pieces — such as a machine-gunning biplane blasting away at another plane — show up here. This also has the feel of a superhero movie in an era where they really didn’t have those, so that’s pretty interesting as well.

Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze is undeniably cheesy but also good, old-school pulpy fun. It’s a real shame that the promised sequel, Doc Savage: The Arch Enemy of Evil, never materialized and this character became railroaded by an archaeology professor who really hates snakes.

*One of the Fabulous Five is Paul Gleason, which should be a treat for The Breakfast Club fans.

Intermission!

• Doc Savage likes to put his custom logo on vehicles
• He also has a super-cheesy theme song and a Fortress of Solitude
• The arctic circle seems like a long way to go to get some quality reading time in. Also, how is he powering this igloo and all of its machines?
• I like Monk’s pet, the little pig Habeus Corpus
• If you’re going to be a Native American sniper, you best look the part even if it’s chilly outside
• “To the garage! The garage!”
• The Fabulous Five are all SO eager to show off their abilities in every situation
• A thrown rifle did nothing to Doc. Nothing!
• Extinguisher globes are only slightly less effective than a fire extinguisher
• They all met “fighting in the trenches” WWI
• That was a huge expensive drone to sacrifice to a biplane
• Oh geez, he’s going to require them to listen to him reciting “The Code” with patriotic music blaring in the background
• That is one hell of an extended evil villain laugh
• What is UP with that giant baby crib?
• Beware glowing green mystic snakes!
• Why not do warm-up stretches on a diving board
• The Hills Have Eyes’ Michael Berryman as the coroner in his feature film debut
• Naturally, Savage’s tux has bronze lapels
• “My real name is absolutely unpronounceable.”
• “I’m glad you enjoyed your dinner, because it was your last.” [guy’s monocle falls out]
• Lots of Zippo lighters had the optional “laser gun” conversion package
• Girls exist to be manhandled after a snake attack
• She loves him? She met him two days ago! And there’s no room for love in his life!
• “Mona, you’re a brick!” what
• Gold comes in liquid pool form
• Headbutting the lead bad guy in the gut is a pretty solid move
• Did we really need the fight scene subtitles? Gung ho?
• One bad guy gets turned to gold, another gets brain surgery