“Pinch me, Dolan. Did I just K.O. Hitler?”

Justin’s rating: A foreign exchange program gone horribly wrong

Justin’s review: I sometimes like to imagine that Tubi is genuinely worried on my behalf. After all, I freely come into its space and go, “Hey, I’d like to watch Zone Troopers today” like this is something normal and healthy. Tubi then puts a hand on my should and replies, “Are you sure, bud? I’ve got legitimately good movies here, tried-and-true ones to watch. Maybe I could call someone to come help you out of this self-destructive streak you’re on?”

To that, I hold up my Mutant Reviewer card and demand another shot of weird, off-brand B-movies. Tubi sighs and gives it to me while the algorithm buckles in despair.

This Charles Band production stars Tim Thomerson (Trancers) and was directed by Danny Bilson, the guy who went on to write The Rocketeer and help oversee the creation of The Sims. He’s a fascinating guy, that Danny Bilson.

It’s Italy 1944, and a small squad of American troops stumble upon a crashed alien ship and discover that some of its passengers aren’t quite dead yet. Also making this discovery are the Nazis, who want to kill and/or capture the aliens for their own devices.

Sgt. Patrick Stone (Thomerson, grizzled to hell and back) leads our plucky group of four survivors after an initial Axis attack that left them cut off. This includes Art LaFleur (The Blob) as “Mittens,” a comic book-reading loudmouth, and an Army reporter.

The cool twist here is that the aliens are so cheesed off at the Nazis that they gladly team up with the Americans. Oh, you thought this was going to be the good guys vs. aliens? Nope, it’s the good guys and aliens together 4EVA!

The ’80s saw a welcome renaissance of the ’50s-style B-movie format, and Zone Troopers is an excellent — if fairly obscure — addition to this trend. Hey, if Indiana Jones can do aliens and Nazis, why not Charles Band?

Combining a WWII action piece with a scifi escapade creates a delicious flavor that made me grin with joy. Having the aliens be more than a two-dimensional threat is surprising, as is the general quality of the film, which looks particularly good and is edited quite well. It’s too bad that it didn’t have a good extra five million or so to really pour into special effects and makeup, because what we do get is limited if groovy.

It’s clear that Zone Troopers’ team knew the pulp genre inside and out. This is reflected in the dialogue, which is deliberately written and performed in a campy old-school way. Lots of pithy quotes and “gollys!” and “swells!” and the like. We’ve got huge actually-built spaceships and ray guns and Hitler getting punched in the face. It’s a more-than-decent way to spend 90 minutes, no matter what report Tubi is sending to my next-of-kin.

Intermission!

• Love this quirky soundtrack, it does the “war” theme justice
• The Nazis don’t respect medics
• Spraying bullets all over a field will easily kill seven bad guys at 200 yards
• Aliens have special tree branch-destroying technology
• “Less mouth, more ears!”
• That’s one way to replicate a baseball game with dice and baseball cards
• The Nazis camp with a huge AV setup
• “Butt me, Mittens!”
• “You’re one dumb lug. Move out!”
• I love the interior design of the alien ship, and the WWII soldiers walking through it is a great visual
• Turn on a light, lock yourself in a room with an alien corpse
• “If the Krauts want this thing, it goes!”
• Oh that’s a beautiful big fireball!
• “You’re off my Christmas list, pal.”
• Alien baby hatchling!
• You can punch Hitler in the face without any serious consequences
• Swing music was a poor choice for action sequences
• Aliens are tobacco fiends
• That second alien ship looks like a playground structure
• About time we got some awkward ray gun action