“It’s just Black Friday. Excitement is in the air.”

Justin’s rating: I do love toys. But I’d hate working there.

Justin’s review: You know what’s weird? When we watch our favorite movies a billion times and become intimately familiar with actors eternally locked into a specific time period and age… and then we up and watch a more modern movie where they’ve suddenly aged significantly. Then we’re reminded of the cruel passage of time that ravages us all and scream in existential horror as we melt into puddles of whimpering goo.

No? Just me then?

I’m just saying that it’s a bit of whiplash to suddenly see our virile Ash from Evil Dead now looking like someone’s grandpa and teenage icon Devon Sawa old enough to have spawned several teenagers of his own. Then again, 2021’s Black Friday is a zombie comedy starring horror icons — including a reunion of Idle Hands co-stars Sawa and Seth Green* — so why am I complaining?

It may not be S-Mart, but We Love Toys is carrying on the grand tradition of playing host to nightmares that used to be human. This toy store’s open for business on Thanksgiving eve, with its employees not particularly thrilled to be at this hellish consumerist prison. At least they generally seem to like each other, apart from one or two bad eggs, so it’s not too hard to cheer that they’ll make it to the end credits.

Good luck with that, because meteors are landing everywhere with alien critters inside that have one and only one purpose: To consume reality television. Nah, they make zombies, because what ELSE would they do?

And with so many shoppers out and about, that translates into a whole lot of undead. Before long, the crew is fighting for their lives, including slacker commando Ken (Sawa), his germophobe best friend Chris, a love interest, the nice coworkers, and the employees you can’t wait to see become dummy chow.

Other than the alien origins and some neat Deadite designs, the only twist on the zombies is that they can shoot a slimy tentacle out of their mouths to kill/convert other people. They also have a secret plan to gather together to build… something… on aisle four.

If you’re hoping that Bruce Campbell becomes an off-brand Ash substitute here, then tamp down on those expectations. His sarcastic demeanor sits in the manager’s chair now, and he’s traded the chainsaw arm for a cardigan. When it all starts to go down, the team asks him to be a leader, but he would rather get drunk on cheap champagne. Later on, he has a speech that basically reveals he’s Michael Scott from The Office who loves the workplace as his surrogate home and family.

Black Friday hosts some not-at-all subtle commentary on retail work culture that feels hammy every time it comes up. I wish it wouldn’t, because it adds nothing nor creates great opportunities for jokes. The whole thing, from the satire to the physical gags to the meta observations, can’t clear “oh ha-ha-I guess that’s funny” to become actual humor.

And if I may continue becoming whatever the Thanksgiving equivalent of the Grinch is (the Gronck?), some of these actors are genuinely terrible. Not Sawa, Campbell, or even Michael Jai White (Spawn) — they’re fine — but a lot of the second tier are painfully annoying stereotypes that some writer probably thought was fresh and amusing.

Yet there’s a redeemably enjoyable zombie dark comedy here with apocalyptic tones. It’s suitably goopy, if that’s your thing, and the toy store becomes a fun obstacle course teeming with weapon power-ups for the innovative. It does have a little of that Evil Dead spirit at times, as well as (strangely enough) The Breakfast Club, Clerks, and The Mist. And Superstore, but that’s obvious. That’s not a terrible mix, even if the end result feels lacking and derivative.

*Seth Green is the voice of Dennis, the defective bear, in case you were wondering.

Intermission!

• When you see pulsing eggs in ANY context, you run and don’t stop running. You do not put your face closer to the kill zone.
• Oh, he put his face closer to the kill zone.
• Dad still charging you rent? You work Black Friday.
• “Six? That’s a 10-hour descent into hell!”
• That’s a pathetic cake
• “Corporate said Black Friday was racist, so it’s Green Friday.”
• The defective bear
• Nobody, but nobody, is that excited to go toy shopping
• That’s a whole lot of puke
• Skateboards are fun to ride AND use as a weapon
• “Did you know the police have a voicemail?”
• “Don’t let them gather, they’re building something!”
• “The police are here!” gets slammed into a wall by the car
• “I think that is the shortest anyone has ever worked here.”
• “We had turkey together! And pretzels!”
• Brian is the worst. Just the worst.
• That giant monster seems absolutely fine standing around in fire for many minutes on end