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Justin’s rating: Mecha mecha mecha chameleon

Justin’s review: Having done zero research on the subject, I have no idea how, why, or when Japan got super-obsessed with robots, robotic suits, and especially giant stomping mecha robots o’ death. Like, did all the nations of the world come together to dole out character traits to each country, and Japan went pranked with Hello Kitty, fighting pocket monsters, and stompy robots as a gag gift?*

Not that I’m complaining, mind you, because it gave us Voltron, Transformers, and Robotech — a perfect trifecta of geek coolness. There were and continue to be plenty of other mech projects that also emerged from Japan, and one of the more forgotten entries was 1989’s Gunhed.

Instead of being an anime, Gunhed went the live-action route, which surprised me considering the era in which this was made (this was actually the first live-action mecha flick for you trivia nerds). It’s the year 2025 — in the film as well as while I’m writing this — and a fierce battle is raging across a tiny island in the Pacific that is home to an incredibly valuable resource.** However, this isn’t a battle between human factions but rather the human-led Gunhed force fighting a rogue AI known as Kyros.

A decade or so after the war — we won, hooray — a group of well-armed scavengers return to the island to see if they can loot their fortune and future. What they discover, however, is that Kyros wasn’t completely put out of commission by the war (what, nobody checked?) and their presence is the spark that re-ignites old hostilities.

The scavengers are quickly whittled down to a mechanic named Brooklyn and B-movie star Brenda Bakke (Hot Shots! Part Deux) as the American ranger who joins them. They also find a precocious kid or two hiding among the ruins, because Japan movie law commands such things.

I didn’t get too attached to any of the characters except for Bakke, who stands out as a tenacious and capable action star. I’m starting to become a pretty big fan of hers, now that I’ve encountered a few of her movies, and am looking into even more examples of her work.

Most of this movie is this motley bunch climbing levels in “The Tower” — Kyros’ fortress — and getting picked off as they fight the automated defenses. And while a bulk of this flick is essentially a cyberpunk tabletop RPG campaign that goes through a dungeon crawl, we eventually get some sweet, sweet mecha action that takes us through the end.

I was suitably impressed by the visuals that make this one slick-looking flick. The model work, set design, and cyberpunk gadgets are excellent practical effects. So what if Gunhed‘s story is exceedingly basic and the dubbing rarely makes sense? I’ll forgive a lot if it’s drowning in style and tech. This is clearly “inspired” by the Colonial Marines and the colony setting from Aliens as well as the Future War in Terminator, and I’m not too upset how they copied the feel of Cameron’s masterpieces.

Gunhed kept my attention throughout its entire run because I never knew what insane nutty development or deadly device might turn up next. And when the survivors stumble upon a countdown timer with 48 hours to go and a working (and talking!) Gunhed mech, you just know something huge is about to go down.

The Rule of Cool is very active in Gunhed, and I pass it on to you with my highest recommendation if you’re in the mood for an entertaining scifi flick. This was made with passion and skill, and that puts it above a lot of low-effort flicks in the same vein.

*I assume Canada also got punked in the characterization lottery because of curling, poutine, and being the home of every nerd’s unseen girlfriend.

**Texmexium. The movie HAS to be pulling our leg at this point.

Intermission!

• Gunhed had a video game adaptation on the TG-16 called Blazing Lazers
• Wait, “Texmexium?” Is that a joke opening scrawl? Are you serious right now?
• Also, GUNHED stands for “Gun UNit of Heavy Eliminate Device.” Let us be kind to our Japanese friends and remember that English is not their first language.
• This opening battle is amazing even if I can’t tell what’s happening past a bunch of models being blown up
• Director James Cameron said that this is one of his favorite B-movies
• That girl is wearing hoop earrings big enough to shove my forearm through. Not that
• KILLER PEPSI MACHINE PRODUCT PLACEMENT! “Robo-Cola”
• Well, the black guy died first via mystery pole
• Big countdown timers in “abandoned” facilities are never a good sign
• Something’s in the green water
• Did… did that robot absorb the personalities or souls of its victims?
• The technical readout of all of Gunhed’s capabilities and armament
• “Seven, don’t play with the bomb!”