“You hit like a girl, McKay.” “Thank you.”

Justin’s rating: I’d watch this over The Bodyguard any day of the week

Justin’s review: I think it’s a fine goal to review a minimum of at least one Cynthia Rothrock (Undefeatable, Honor and Glory) film every year, so chalk Guardian Angel up as my 2025 entry. After all, she’s our queen — the Queen of Martial Arts Movies.

It does seem like a good fit for Rothrock to show up in a PM Entertainment film, especially since it lets her get right into one of PM’s trademark big fights at the very start of a movie. She plays McKay, an extremely loose cannon of a cop who doesn’t seem to be in this gig for proper procedure so much as an opportunity to spin-kick bad guys on a near-daily basis.

McKay stumbles upon a counterfeiting ring led by a French woman named Nina. And in short order, both her partner and her fiance get killed, which makes her officially cursed. Flash-forward a half-year, and McKay’s retired to become a bodyguard. And wouldn’t you know it, she’s hired to protect a rich snob named Hobbs from his crazy ex-girlfriend — Nina.

Hobbs and McKay have an antagonistic relationship that means that they’ll fall in love for no good reason by the end credits. Every scene going forward is either an assassination attempt (which is a good excuse for a fight), a sexist dig about having a female bodyguard, or some ridiculous action bit. Polo combined with snipers across the green? Sure, why not!

There’s also a strange amount of focus on Nina, including her past daddy issues and open wound care. And there’s a cute little dog that McKay talks to as if it’s her therapist. I feel like this movie wants to get into these characters’ heads but can’t because of the awful racket made by constant gunfire.

I know it’s very shallow of me, but I can’t help but grin at how PM flicks love to break into firefights at the drop of a hat. Or a sneeze. Or a scene transition. This is so trigger-happy that I’m honestly surprised the filmmakers were able to squeeze a lot of martial arts bouts in here as well.

“Fast and loose” is how PM rolls, so you’ve got to be cool with a plot that bends over backwards to get people shooting at every opportunity. Or, at the very least, within kickable and punchable distance of McKay’s feet and fists.

There was always no chance that Cynthia Rothrock was going to be in any serious, high-budget movie — she doesn’t have the acting chops to pull off anything above a basic action hero. But what she lacks in, y’know, emoting, she more than makes up for with some solid martial arts mayhem. Watching her beat up guys a foot taller than her never gets old. She’s like a miffed honey badger on a mission to wreck the day of whoever is making her angry.

The stiff, awkward acting and artificial love/hate relationship between the leads is a drawback, but if you go into Guardian Angel looking to be entertained by double-fisted shootouts and roundhouse kicks, you’ll find enough to keep you satisfied.

Intermission!

• I got REALLY confused when the title card said “Beyond Justice,” but I guess that’s the alternate name
• Gangs conduct major deals in broad daylight in the park. Makes it easier for the cops to watch from nearby vans.
• “You want a discount, go to K-Mart.”
• Weirdly, running toward two gangs and shooting your gun in the air is a good way to start a gang war
• Loose flowing pants were a good call for a day you’ll be doing a lot of police martial arts
• Why would you leave your gun on the floor for the bad guy to pick up?
• The Seinfeld music sting when someone makes a joke
• Drive through a wall and start blasting everyone inside, that seems like a nice and subtle way to achieve your goal
• “You shot me man, this sucks!”
• You can talk pretty well after being shot in the head
• You can murder several cops and not get a death sentence
• “I guess you’ll be hitting the singles bar again, huh?”
• Running on top of a prison shooting pistols with both hands is the least subtle way to break out
• That “are you the plumber?” running gag gets funnier every time it’s hauled out
• There’s no way that Hobbs is not a petri dish of STDs
• She got REALLY mad over ping-pong
• He dated this psycho for a year-and-a-half? That’s not a good judge of character.
• “You want a WOMAN protecting you?”
• McKay’s former boss wears an outfit that makes her look like Beetlejuice
• Crotch fire is one of the worst fires
• “Stop acting like a child.” “I’m going to hold my breath until you smile.”
• Polo looks like the most boring game to play and watch
• And now we’re doing a four-person horse chase? Is this the Old West?
• We don’t often see movies where the villain tends to her own gunshot wounds (by burning the skin with an iron-hot pan)
• That is a hilariously awful statue