“We get the weirdest people in here.”

Justin’s rating: I think it’s a trick on all of us

Justin’s review: For all of its cultural impact, the original Addams Family sitcom was only on the air a few short years from 1964 through 1966. The networks tried a few weird experiments with the franchise in the ’70s, including a cross-promotion with Scooby-Doo, a musical revival, and a one-season animated series where Jodie Foster voiced Pugsley (seriously, look it up).

But in 1977, the idea of bringing the original crew back together germinated in a pilot movie called Halloween with the New Addams Family. Despite the misleading title, much of the original cast returned for what turned out to be the final time, and the film remained a one-off rather than sparking a new series.*

Right away, the time difference is felt. The shift to color is strange if you’re only familiar with the black-and-white original, and the opening song doesn’t even feature the lyrics. And — I’m really not trying to be mean here — but Jackie Coogan (Uncle Fester) looks really aged and sagging, especially with all that makeup caked on. Lurch, Gomez, and Morticia are still spot-on, though.

The one thing that did carry over was the laugh track, which is that older style where the audience is constantly tittering but never actually laughing loudly. For me, it makes older sitcoms like The Flintstones and Gilligan’s Island incredibly hard to watch. It was unpleasant to hear here, an abrasive noise undercutting most scenes.

The weirdest thing is that there are both senior and junior versions of Pugsley and Wednesday living in the same house. This immediately confused me. Did they have a couple more kids and just give them the same name? Was it a cloning accident? The movie never explains it, so we must live with this shameful gap in our knowledge.

The plot was obviously jotted down in some quick 15-minute meeting somewhere. Gomez goes away on a trip during Halloween and his no-good brother Pancho swoops in to replace him (and constantly hit on Morticia). The clan’s also waiting for the mythical Cousin Shy to show up to — please brace yourself — carve pumpkins while a couple thieves try to break into the house to steal their fortune. Eventually there’s a Halloween party and a musical number. The end.

The best part, if there even is one, is when a disguised criminal gets a tour around the Addams estate like it’s a quirky haunted house experience. Admittedly, the place does have a lot of fun details, including clapping tombstones, a torture chamber, and the mounted lower half of a person above the fireplace.

But oh my is this an unfunny slog. I feel so bad for people in the ’70s, if this is how they had to celebrate their Halloween. The Addams Family were not meant to be in this earthtone decade, and this TV special looks downright ugly in spots.

I barely smiled, nevermind got close to laughing myself. I did like Lurch’s line delivery, but this movie is far too packed with with unnecessary extra characters while trying to coast on lazy writing and a sadsack of a story. This one severely tried my patience and steeled my resolve not to dip into old sitcom movies (especially reunions) for a long time.

*Interestingly, the ’80s heard nary a peep out of the Addams Family. It was only in 1991 when the family came back with the hugely successful Barry Sonnenfeld adaptation.

Intermission!

• Worst title card ever… and no lyrics to the familiar song?
• Family hairbrushing chains is never not creepy
• The vulture puppet is back
• Uncle Fester got buried
• Speaking French REALLY turns Gomez and Pancho on
• Gomez has a lot of photos of Morticia
• “Remember the code!”
• Mikey likes it… remember that incredibly old commercial?
• “Grim? What a lovely name.”
• Cousin It doesn’t make his trademark noise
• The sneezing tombstone
• Self-dentistry is a hobby of Fester
• The torture chamber is the “play room”
• They even have an electric chair
• Pugsley is studying to be a witch doctor
• And now for some mostly naked bodybuilding bodyguards
• Wednesday’s tennis outfit is… stunning