“This town isn’t big enough for two doctors… or two vampires.”

Justin’s rating: The plant story reminded me of The Ruins. Remember that incredibly creepy flick?

Justin’s review: I think we can come to an early agreement in this review that Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors is both redundant and the best movie name you’ll hear all week. Toss in Sir Christopher Lee, Donald Sutherland, and Peter Cushing into the proceedings, and this becomes an immediate must-watch.

On a train ride through the English countryside, a strange man named Dr. Terror (Cushing) joins a compartment of five men, each with their own distinctive mannerisms and destinies. By reading tarot cards — his “house of horrors” — Dr. Terror tells the men their upcoming fates and how they may change it.

And thus we launch into a supernatural anthology, a Twilight Zone of five tales. These go through some of the oldest and most traditional horror tropes (werewolves, vampires), the quirky (a roaming hand), and the fringe (voodoo, killer plants). Each of the tales doesn’t end so well for the subject… but there’s always the chance that they could change the outcome.

Or can they?

Older horror movies mean older soundtracks (which are quite distracting to my ear) and somewhat less effective scares. Despite the title’s bold claims of itself, this isn’t going to terrify anyone. It’s basically campfire ghost stories, heavy on atmosphere and boasting a bit of a twist at the end of each.

Scary? Not remotely. The best part isn’t in any of the particular tales but the wrapper itself. The six men in the train could’ve been a corking one-set play, especially with this kind of acting firepower. Cushing crafted a mysterious stranger in Dr. Terror that you genuinely want to like even though you shouldn’t, but it’s Christopher Lee’s cynical passenger that interested me the most. He’s certain that Dr. Terror is a scammer, and Lee’s character doesn’t hold back in his scathing criticism.

Unfortunately, the anthology leans on some concepts that require some better special effects than it can pull off, especially with the killer vine and the disembodied hand. We have a werewolf bit, but no transformation.

I’ve honestly seen scarier original series Star Trek episodes. But I do appreciate the attempt, and at least I can boast to my friends that I’ve seen Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors and what have they done lately?

Intermission!

• Playing with your dolls on the train, were you?
• Young Christopher Lee here looks so much like Fred Armisen, especially with those glasses
• I liked the camera panning around Dr. Terror to look at each of the five men
• A house being made into a museum for a dead man
• Being an architect means that you get to go beating holes into cellar walls with a crowbar and opening up discovered coffins
• Werewolves can close doors remotely
• That’s an anti-shear plant — and an anti-dog plant
• The moving plant always looks like a props guy is waving it around from just off camera…. which is what’s happening
• If you have like five guys standing behind and around you, wouldn’t you notice them sooner than this doofus?