“Oh, I just know I’m going to dream about freaks tonight.”

Justin’s rating: Doctor What

Justin’s review: Presume, for a moment, that your sole guiding purpose in this world is to push-start the next stage of human existence by splicing people together with the fiercest animals on earth. But you don’t have the budget for that, so you make do with the fiercest, um, plants.

And presume that you need a LOT of test subjects but, for reasons that escape you, nobody’s stepping up to volunteer to be injected with chlorophyll. So you need a place that gives you access to both science equipment and hapless victims that nobody will miss. Hey, you should be a college professor in a movie called The Mutations!

Of course, you can’t expect things to go all ducky for you every time. Some of your freaks are going to turn out to be extra freaky-deaky, and you’ll need to dispose of them in a way that might make you a few bucks. So why not sell your plant mutants to the circus? It’s practically a win-win situation!

Such are the presumptions and folly of Professor Nolter (Donald Pleasance, whom I seem to be bumping into every second movie these days), a rogue mad scientist who enjoys supporting the fine arts and horticulture. He’s got a sweet deal with one of the beefier circus workers to be his minion on the promise that he’ll eventually fix his deformity.

The Mutations aimed to be a spiritual successor to the genuinely disturbing — in the best of ways — 1932 flick Freaks. It’s part body horror, part science run amok, part special effects bonanza, and part revenge flick.

Mad science working hand-in-hand with a circus sideshow is such an unusual combination that I can’t think of anywhere else I’ve seen it. Probably the closest analogue I can think of is The Island of Dr. Moreau. But where that film had human/animal hybrids, this one is all about human/plant mutants — which, again, is weirdly unique. Unique and silly.*

The Mutations may be interesting in many aspects, but it’s also a slightly uncomfortable film to watch. It took me a little bit to identify why. I would say that it’s because there are two crowds of “freaks” here — one imagined for the film, and one of real people who others would pay to gawk at.

Circus freak shows were a huge staple of 19th century entertainment but lost a lot of their appeal in the 20th century. We gradually learned the important lesson that pointing at people with abnormalities and calling them names for entertainment dehumanized and demeaned them, and we stopped doing it. For the most part.

So the inclusion of real people with real deformities in an otherwise silly science fiction film doesn’t sit right with me, especially because they’re presented as unnerving and “other.” There’s a lengthy section where we attend a sideshow and are introduced to all of these folk in their own words. It’s not mean, per se, but it is exploitative.

That aside, the outlandish concept and the rather good makeup and special effects makes The Mutations singular viewing. You’ve got rabbit eating super-plants, abductions by circus folk in broad daylight, and an orange death ray. I do wish that it was faster-paced, as it takes way too long to get to the mutants and revenge story.

This was directed by Jack Cardiff, who was much more successful (and renowned) as a cinematographer, with titles like The African Queen, Conan the Destroyer, and Rambo under his belt. I wouldn’t know that here, since this looks quite muddled and is saddled with very lazy editing. At least Cardiff got to direct Tom Baker from some obscure scifi thing in Britain, who is almost unrecognizable as a lumpy-faced thug.

Plant-people is an objectively dumb idea, but I’ve heard and seen worse. For example, Tom Green. So I’ll take the lesser of the greens? That sounded a whole lot more clever in my head.

*It reminds me of that old Simpsons episode where they go to Africa and Homer falls into a giant plant that swallows him up. He easily breaks out of it and goes, “Duh, it’s a plant” in response to his family’s amazement.

Intermission!

• This movie begins, as all such horror films do, with a peaceful nature documentary on growing plants. Chilling!
• This is the *weirdest* title fonts I’ve seen in a long time
• Venus Fly Traps growl
• “We’re interested in cloning, not clowning.”
• Several people with deformities stalking you in broad daylight is sure to go unnoticed
• This soundtrack sounds like geese honking. It’s awful.
• Circus freaks are very territorial of their wagons
• Did he just stuff a whole rabbit into a gigantic Venus Fly Trap?
• THE ORANGE DEATH RAY
• Popeye is pretty cool
• When being chased by a lunatic, don’t go hide out in a haunted house
• “He’s one of us!”
• Mr. Lynch, destroyer of birthday parties
• Having an external ribcage makes for a cool venus fly trap attack — and very rapid digestion of an entire human body!