“Well, what’s happening here now is, you see, the girls are wondering where they’ve seen you before. The guys are wondering why the hell they haven’t.”

Drake’s rating: It’s ruff when the turf is this tuff.

Drake’s review: It’s never easy being the new kid in town. After all, you’re in a new school with new teachers and new classes. And also, if you’re Morgan Hiller, a new gang of hoodlums who are seemingly intent on cutting your scholastic career short. Not that Morgan necessarily had old hoodlums to deal with at his previous place of education, since he’s the product of a Connecticut prep school background. I mean, prep schools might have had hoodlums, but I doubt they’d be too intimidating. They’d probably just stand around, trying to look tough in their Raybans and sweater vests and talking about stock tips or tennis rackets or whatever.

Honestly, I have no idea what goes on in prep schools.

Regardless, Morgan is now having to go to a public high school in Los Angeles thanks to the failure of his father’s business, although he doesn’t seem that upset by the change in his lifestyle. He’d had problems at his old school, although these problems didn’t include a psycho named Nick and his gang of budding career criminals. These two are at instant odds thanks to Morgan interrupting one of Nick’s crimes in progress, and the feud escalates quickly once Morgan takes an interest in Nick’s girlfriend Frankie. And since Nick’s not the type to back down, and Morgan isn’t one to give up, it’s obvious that Tuff Turf is going to culminate in one of those epic ‘80s showdowns that always happened in an abandoned garage or an empty warehouse.

The story here is obviously a familiar one, but Tuff Turf has some strong support in its corner. For one thing, this movie is so awesomely ‘80s. From Frankie’s crimped hair to the synth-pop soundtrack and the bright neon colors, Tuff Turf rolls around in the sights and sounds of the 1980s and splashes them everywhere. Amazingly, it never goes overboard. It would have been easy, for instance, to load the club scenes up with guys and girls with mohawks and over-the-top punk gear, but instead the high school kids look pretty much like they really did during the middle part of the decade.

Secondly, Tuff Turf has a great cast. In one of his first films, and a year or so before he would lean into the teen villain roles, James Spader does a nice job as Morgan. He’s generally cool and confident, with just a tiny smidge of that smarm that he would soon capitalize on in Pretty in Pink. And Robert Downey, Jr. unsurprisingly shines in a supporting role as Jimmy, Morgan’s new BFF. Kicking off the “wacky friend” phase of his career (see also: Johnny Be Good and Back to School), Downey, Jr. adds occasional and much-needed levity to Tuff Turf and keeps the melodrama from overflowing.

As Frankie, Kim Richards (Escape to Witch Mountain) initially seems like a miscast. Nearing the end of her very successful career as a child actress, Richards is simply an unconvincing bad girl. But once the character starts developing and is given a believable backstory, she seems far more at ease in the role, and it doesn’t hurt that Richards is given a pretty killer ‘80s wardrobe to work with. Blue tube dress with a wide white belt? Yup, that was a pretty common look back in the day.

Man, I miss the ‘80s.

So, should you watch Tuff Turf? Oh, absolutely. If you’re a fan of teen movies from the decade you’ll definitely want to check it out at some point. It’s a nice little time capsule with a good soundtrack, capable actors and a stock story that moves right along and never stays still long enough for you to wonder, “Hey, shouldn’t the school be stepping in here?”

But, nah. It was the ‘80s. We had to solve our own problems with late-night fights in dusty warehouses and with impromptu dance numbers in neon-lit clubs. That was just the way it was.

Intermission!

• Opening with a synthpop soundtrack. We’re back in the Eighties, people!
• Dude, you’re at least 50. Stop trying to chat up Frankie. Ew.
• The security guard at the school reprimands Morgan for riding his bike on the sidewalk. But where is he when Nick and his thugs are threatening Morgan with actual cars? Dude’s totally on his lunch break.
• That dead rat in his locker seems like a bad sign.
• Lots of attempted vehicular homicide in this movie. I don’t really remember so much of that in the ‘80s.
• They got the Jim Carroll Band for this flick! That’s really cool.
• The graffiti on the club’s wall says “The New Avengers!” So which one of you got hold of a time travel machine and a can of spray paint?
• Spader’s song is so obviously, painfully dubbed.
• Jack Mack and the Heart Attack playing “Green Onions” just so the guitar player has something to do.
• Sure, marrying his 18 year-old daughter off to a psycho sounds like a fine idea. Frankie’s dad sucks.
• Wow, this escalated quickly. There’s going to be some serious emotional trauma and massive therapy bills for everyone after this is all over.
• Just kidding! It’s the ‘80s! We’re gonna go dancing!