“I’m challenging you to Suicide Chicken, do you accept?”

Justin’s rating: The ol’ “you got something on your mouth” move. Classic.

Justin’s review: Here I come to it at last, the final movie in my self-imposed marathon of Crown International Pictures. I endured the saccharine romance of My Tutor, I laughed not one bit at Weekend Pass, I marveled at the weirdness of Hunk, I suffered the time travel travesty of Cavegirl, and I witnessed the chunkiest of cars of Tomboy. It’s too much for any sane man to endure. I’ve honestly forgotten what a good movie is like, having been bottom feeding in this studio’s unwashed aquarium for a couple weeks now.

But a marathon must be finished, and all I have left is The Pom Pom Girls, a ’70s slice-of-life high school flick that must not be compared to Dazed and Confused lest you become dazed and confused by the low, low standards of filmmaking.*

You ever get a good way into a movie and start to wonder when, if ever, the plot is going to show up? That’s The Pom Pom Girls in a nutshell. It’s a cheap exploitation flick which is loosely held together by the slightly outré activities of teenage football players and cheerleaders at the beginning of a school year. But events does not a plot make, so a story never quite coalesces by the end credits.

Despite the title, this mostly focuses on two football player best friends: Angry and emotionally conflicted Jesse (Michael Mullins) and wise-cracking daredevil Johnnie (Robert Carradine) as they navigate the start of their last year of school, date cheerleaders, and… drink, I guess.

There’s some pranking, some tension between high schools, some car racing, thumbing noses at authority, fights between romantic rivals, random school activities, and a whole lot of guys chasing girls chasing guys. Suffice to say, the Oscars did not richly reward The Pom Pom Girls come 1977.

Yet at flimsy as this movie’s substance is, I did find it fascinating as a sort of time capsule of ’70s teen life. Maybe not everyone’s life, granted, but it felt a little bit authentic with the goofy antics, the weird obsession with drive-in diners, a fetish for the car lifestyle, cheerleading auditions, and of course the dated fashion and hairstyles.

This is a movie where teenagers roam around in packs with nary a cellphone to be seen, getting into way too much trouble and rarely facing the consequences of it. I lost count of how many genuinely serious crimes are committed, from grand theft auto to attempted vehicular manslaughter. It’s all played very light-hearted at times, a “kids will be kids” attitude that’s better than some of the alternatives. I guess this takes place in a universe devoid of parents?

Maybe the best part is when all of our “heroes” brazenly steal the town’s only firetruck, drive onto the other high school’s football field, spray down their players, and evade the police by hosing the cop off the road.

It’s silly to the point of eye rolling, and I guess that’s kind of the point. Teens have always loved a good rebellious streak and beautiful cars, and watching a movie like this probably kept many of them out of trouble by vicariously viewing instead of partaking.

I didn’t hate it, my friends. In fact, the longer this went on, the more it started to charm me. It was over-the-top in the ways that breed a cult legacy, yet it felt more genuine and authentic than plenty of teen flicks today. All in all, a decent way to end a marathon.

*I have no doubt that Linklater drew upon this film for inspiration for Dazed and Confused though.

Intermission!

• Lead jock Johnnie is played by Robert Carradine, who is probably best known for being Lewis in Revenge of the Nerds. That’s so trippy.
• A burning effigy is a weird way to start your movie
• Wait, are you saying “win?”
• Being a football player = hard practice. Being a cheerleader = playing in the surf.
• Whole lot of irresponsible driving in this movie
• You can switch the operators of a car while it’s driving and it’s not awkward at all.
• Actually it’s totally awkward.
• Trying to run someone down with your car was a pretty serious offense, last I checked
• What is this bizarre stretching ritual?
• Back when a hamburger was 50 cents
• A whoopie cushion!
• If you really got to pee in class, just whiz out of an open window
• Back when they made kids scrub urinals with toothbrushes as punishment
• “You’re a smartass, and I’m going to change that.”
• Fighting over the radio is a fun past time. I guess.
• Tug-o-war into a mud pit deep enough to drown someone
• Spray-painting cars in broad daylight is pretty bold.
• As is grand theft fire engine.
• OK, the fire truck hose spraying was pretty cool
• Cops love it when you spray a hose in their windshield during a high-speed chase
• The Spartacus moment
• This is the slowest food fight ever
• All of the straw wrappers on the ceiling
• Rolling down sand hills seems like a good way to be digging sand out of your cracks for a good week
• How many times it takes for him to get the knife blade out is pretty funny
• He really, really, REALLY wanted you to go to the beach with him [cue angry running away like a petulant child]
• How many bruises did those guys get rolling down bleachers while fighting?
• “Our team is red hot / your team is dead shot!”
• The one player visibly hits the camera during the football game fight
• He freakin’ punched out the coach, I did not see that coming
• Sullen beach walking is the best therapy
• “Yeah, yeah, I saw that in a movie.”
• Drinking and driving off a cliff… I think I saw a poster warning me about that once