“Why can’t you boys ever make a delivery on time?”

Justin’s rating: These guys have lucky donuts, costume changes, board games, a chicken wishbone, and tons of props in their cab. Where do they store all of this?

Justin’s review: Twin body builders Peter and David Paul are this fascinating case study in big beefy guys whose sheer dorky enthusiasm attempted to compensate for the fact that they couldn’t act. The brothers first came onto the scene in 1983 with DC Cab, and then between ’87 and ’94 they headlined a half-dozen flicks including The Barbarians and Twin Sitters. After that, they were (mostly) through with movies and pursued other lines of celebrity work including [checks notes] rapping.

Today we’ll step into the middle of their Hollywood run with Think Big, where they play long-haul truckers Rafe and Victor. These two are constantly failing deliveries and on the verge of losing their semi, so it all comes down to one big job to deliver a load of toxic waste cross-country to avoid getting their truck repoed.

Part of this odd job involves a doomsday clock on their dash that’s counting down 33 hours to their success or failure. This run gets a even more complicated when a 16-year-old tech genius named Holly (Ari Meyers) flees indentured servitude at her evil tech company and hops onto their truck as a stowaway. Nothing like a teenage girl hanging out with two strange guys to make all of us viewers unintentionally uncomfortable!

Holly’s also got her invention, a remote control that is truly “universal,” if you get my drift. It’s the all-powerful device that everyone wants, and so before they know it, the brothers find themselves being chased down by all sorts of bad people.

Will they make the delivery in time? Will Holly gain her freedom and sell her amazing invention that could destroy all of the electronics in the world? Will Coca-Cola throw in a few dozen more product placements? Will a giant fight break out at an airport without a single cop being called? Will Gene Parmesean from Arrested Development come up with his best costume yet?

If I had to describe the Pauls’ schtick, it would be “continual jibber-jabbering and taking any opportunity to remove their shirts.” It’s endearing to a degree, but also a little tiresome if you don’t find them charming. I do… and don’t, depending on the scene. They’re very “dad joke” energy, if that makes sense.

Think Big is nothing more or less than a light-hearted road trip adventure with more laughs and weirdness than you’d guess. What makes it somewhat notable beyond the Pauls is that the supporting cast is pretty robust. You’ve got Babylon 5’s Claudia Christian, James Bond’s Richard Kiel, Night Court’s Richard Moll, Kung Fu’s David Carradine, and Police Academy’s Michael Winslow propping up various scenes.

This is the fluffiest and muscliest of entertainment, but it’s really not without its virtues, especially if you’re an 11-year-old with low standards. It’s kinda amusing, the characters are kinda likable, the road trip vibes are kinda groovy, and the brothers’ quirkiness kinda grows on you. This may be my favorite of the Pauls yet.

Intermission!

• Ah yes, this was the era where slow rap was seen as cool enough to make for a title theme. I kind of like this one, though.
• They did not pay the titles animator enough, clearly
• Semis often delivered pregnant women to hospitals
• Lucky chicken bone
• That is NOT a newborn, unless they got rid of the placenta, cord, and aged the kid up four weeks during that drive
• The guy with the big Z shaved on the side of his head was trying to start a trend. I think it died with him.
• “I get a gas bubble every time you take out a load.”
• “Whooping cough, boss.”
• Tech companies have at least one room filled with teenagers working under guard
• Hey these kids created instant messenger! In 1990!
• These guys have the worst driving sing-alongs
• “The Tardy Boys” is a great nickname
• These are some weird Coca-Cola references
• Truckers like to play Operation. While wearing masks. And driving.
• “How do you jinx toxic waste?”
• How is her laptop connecting to ANYTHING in a pre-wifi, pre-cellphone era?
• Nice “barbarians” jab
• The one brother’s shirt is constantly in danger of falling off his shoulders
• This is a lot of casual assault at an airport
• The brothers suddenly popping down over the windshield was funny
• “Don’t judge a person by their appearance,” says the brother wearing Groucho glasses
• “Yeah, good, go get some rest. Lord knows nothing important is happening here at the moment.”
• That is the most aggressive waitress ever
• The bad guys fighting over who gets the chain, haha
• “Let’s not do that again!” “That hurt!”
• Oh don’t get a hotel room with the girl
• The guys keep getting out of their ropes
• PIZZA PARTY… with Diet Coke
• “It’s a truck full of toxic waste that’s about to get hit by a train… I’m outta here.”