“I’m a scary ghost!”

Justin’s rating: I want to knock on the door of this movie and demand that it give ME stars for having watched it.

Justin’s review: An astute reader might recall that I am not a fan of the 2000 spoof Scary Movie. I may have, in a fit of petulance, called it “the beginning of the end of the parody.” It was a gross and insulting R-rated mess — hallmarks of a Wayans project — and it was inferior to the cheeky Shriek If You Know What I Did Friday the 13th that came out the same year.

While time has not softened my stance on Scary Movie, I am inclined to be kinder to the Wayans in light of some of the genuinely funny comedy they’ve done. And since the spoof movie did seem to die a horrible death in the 2000s, it was with curiosity that I wanted to check out Marlon Wayans’ surprise hit, A Haunted House.

Largely a parody of found footage horror films like Paranormal Activity that blew up at the time, A Haunted House cribs from a bunch of other sources such as The Haunting, The Exorcist, and The Entity.

Malcolm (Marlon Wayans) documents the arrival of his loud girlfriend Kisha (Essence Atkins) as she moves into his home. The constant filming is as inexplicable as any other found footage movie, but it conveniently captures the ghosties and demons roaming about the home. Oh, and it also lets Malcolm talk to the camera and give us a headache with all of the camera shaking.

Comedy C-listers like Cedric the Entertainer, Nick Swardson, and David Koechner show up to remind us that, no, they were never funny. Maybe it’s a specific Hollywood charity that keeps them employed, I don’t know. But it’s not like they were any worse than the two leads, both of which are comedic duds.

I had a sinking feeling by the 20-minute mark that I wasn’t going to laugh at all. Sure, humor is subjective, and if a movie hits your funny bone, it hits your funny bone. I simply can’t see why A Haunted House managed to do that for anyone. If anything, this is less humorous than Scary Movie. This is a trip across a desert, hoping against hope to see a joke, only to realize that most of them are mirages.

Intermission!

• The studio is “Baby Way?” We were’t even trying, were we?
• “Maybe he’s just playing dead?”
• She’s a hoarder
• That poor stuffed dog
• “What’s wrong with my outfit?” “Nothing if you lived in a box under the freeway.”
• Everyone is doing a reality show these days
• “Did you like that?” “No, that… that was awkward.”
• That is so much hair in the tub