“Selling death ain’t funny, Dickie!”

Justin’s rating: Quarter a tank of gas, but that’s plenty

Justin’s review: I don’t know why, but there’s something faintly amusing to me to see the genial Canadians try their hands at a Mad Max clone. Will this merely be a lot of cars lightly bumping into each other while their drivers utter an apologetic “Sorry?”

Neon City stars Michael Ironside in his slicked back hair and pony tail phase, playing ex-ranger, current bounty hunter Harry Stark in a 2053 post-apocalyptic society. Harry’s making a good living tracking down bounties in the Outlands, and he’s found himself one humdinger of a payday with a girl named Reno (Vanity). The only catch is that to cash in, he’s got to bring her to the titular Neon City across a whole bunch of inhospitable landmass.

Harry and Reno join a bulky transport RV heading to the city alongside a cast of colorful characters. You know, people like a clown salesman, Drusilla from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Juliet Landau), Harry’s former friend who’s played by a hulking NFL dude, and a serial killer. The usual suspects.

While most post-apoc movies don’t do much to explain the sorry state of their world (usually hand-waving in the direction of nukes or climate change), Neon City has its own clever approach that’s explained over the course of this journey.

Apparently there was this guy named Dr. Xander who tried to fix the ozone layer with lasers and ended up royally messing up the planet. Ever since, phenomena like Xander Clouds and Brights make traveling through certain regions a very risky endeavor, and Skins — skinless mutants — prey upon the normals.

All of this sets up a demented road trip through a wasteland of horrors and surprises, which is far more interesting to me than your average road warrior knock-off. Each of the passengers on the transport are given distinct personalities and backstories, and the time this movie spends on them pays off in making the audience more invested in their survival — or wherever their story ends.

This is obviously inspired by stagecoach westerns that featured convoys crossing hostile territory. And you know what? That works for a tense premise peppered with episodic encounters. That’s really all you need for something like this. Give us some freaks, some gunplay, and some weird stuff, and the cult masses are entertained.

Harry and Reno gradually see their relationship transform into a sort-of partnership and even more inexplicably, a romantic entanglement. I didn’t really buy it, but having him drag her around the whole film while she snapped at him the entire time would’ve gotten old after a while.

The filmmakers shot Neon City near Salt Lake in the frigid winter, turning the desolate environment to the movie’s advantage. And while the movie was made on a very modest budget without a lot of special effects, the imagination and setting work to make it fairly engrossing even so.

I don’t want to oversell this by saying that it’s the “best movie you’ve never seen” or something similar. But within the context of B-movie Mad Max clones made with a low budget, it’s one of the better ones I’ve come across.

Intermission!

• I can’t decide if “Vanity” as a single name is the coolest or most conceited ever
• “Nice dogs!” “Taste good too!”
• The amusement park outpost is pretty well-done in the set design department
• About time that this movie had hand puppets
• What the heck is a “Xander Cloud?”
• An Agatha Christie novel is a precious resource
• The family that gets the “Bye Bye Bag” is heartbreaking
• Pole right through the wheel spoke will get your quarry off a bike fast
• A serial killer roleplaying a doctor — and becoming very bemused in the process
• The one-eyed mutant bartender is a good touch of local scenery
• Group bathing montage with spa music was probably unnecessary
• MacGuyvering a laser cannon is pretty cool, you have to admit
• “Give me your gun!” “Why?” “Cause mine is empty.”