“There are laws for that. Until they fail. Then they’ve got me.”

Justin’s rating: So much better than Jerry Seinfeld’s version

Justin’s review: Here’s how I imagine this movie went down. John Wick came out in 2014 and showed everybody that there was a crazy high demand for aging male movie stars to reinvent themselves as some sort of hyper-competent killer with a secret past. There was a rush to jump on that train with titles like Sisu and Nobody, and poor Jason Statham became quite aggrieved.

After all, he was the original aging male action star who reinvented himself like 16 times over! He should get one of these John Wick clones, he bellowed to his agent. All he needed was an angle, something to set him apart from the rest of the field!

Aha! He had it: Bees!

Wait, what? asked his agent, but by then it was too late and the damage was done. Statham was all about the bees, and by gum, he would keep them.

I mean, The Beekeeper isn’t fooling anyone. It’s John Wick mad libs. An ordinary-looking man is actually a RETIRED SECRET OPERATIVE who is trying to live a peaceful life doing BEEKEEPING until his beloved KINDLY OLD LANDLORD is killed (well, commits suicide after she becomes the victim of fraud) by TECH BROS and he must take revenge by shooting everyone very, very fast until he finds the boss of the last level.

Forget the silly beekeeping angle, I actually applauded how this movie makes computer scammers the enemy. These are actually a very real menace in the world, and there are entire YouTube channels devoted to counter-hacking these jerks.

In any case, that’s not Adam Clay’s (Statham) preferred method of dealing with the situation. His method is a lot more burny and punchy and explody. Of course, one call center isn’t the root of the problem, so this rogue beekeeper is going to be making honey in many pots before all is said and done.

As with any Wick clone, there’s a lot of effort to make this guy’s past as mysterious as possible. And to this movie’s credit, I was pretty interested in this secret organization that is separate and above even the national law enforcement. We’re given some hints about this by the bad guy’s caretaker, who is both Jeremy Irons and the former head of the CIA, as well as another Beekeeper who comes after him.

Through this we’re told that Beekeepers operate outside of the government to keep society and government in line if, for whatever reason, someone or something goes wildly off-track. They’re all about the health of the “hive,” whatever that means.

The Beekeeper couldn’t follow the John Wick playbook closer if it tried, and I’m pretty sure it did try. Just because it’s a clone doesn’t make it a bad movie if it’s done well, after all. And I gotta say, this is a thoroughly enjoyable popcorn action flick that’s big on those old school movie themes of one-man armies and revenge. It also helps that there’s a pretty solid supporting cast in play and a delicious streak of black humor that shocked a laugh or three out of me.

Intermission!

• We are going to see so many bees in this movie, aren’t we
• Tasering hornets looks fun
• This scammer is showboating so hard. Also his main screen is ridiculously big.
• Oh the bee puns… stop
• “I’m going inside. I’m gonna burn it down.”
• Phones can be deadly objects in the right hands
• “It seems we had a disgruntled customer.”
• “He had a hat.”
• I could listen to Jeremy Irons’ accent all day
• Yeah, I wouldn’t shoot bees, but you do you
• OK the guy tied to the truck and yanked into the water was cartoony funny
• “You sound young. You probably don’t have estate planning.”
• Minnie Driver! I haven’t seen you since Grosse Point Blank
• Giant gatling gun on the back of a truck seems like overkill
• Beekeeping for beekeepers
• You just knew we were going to get a whole bunch of bee trivia
• Clay suddenly appearing in the middle of crowds of people looking for him never gets old
• That whole elevator scene. All of it.
• “To bee or not to bee, isn’t that the bloody question?”