“That’s sweet. I’m kind of crushing on you, Trinke.”

Justin’s rating: But I’m not crushing on this movie

Justin’s review: When did I start to outgrow Kevin Smith? Probably like pretty much everyone, it was around the turn of the century between Dogma and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. I won’t deny that he was a major presence on the indie cult film circuit and one of the tentpoles of this site, but Smith ended up being a lot like MAD magazine — something you thought was hilarious when you were a lot younger and kind of embarrassing when you became old enough to know better. There’s a lot of ’90s cinema that I still hold onto, but I think it was Clerks II that convinced me it was time to let him go.

While I’m not a Viewaskewniverse fanboy any longer, that doesn’t mean that I can’t check out one of his more interesting (and, dare I say, normal?) tales from the early 2000s. Jersey Girl’s been on my radar for a while with the allure of a softer, gentler Kevin Smith romcom. We’ll see.

While this stars many Kevin Smith regulars and is set in New Jersey, Jersey Girl is deliberately set outside of the cinematic universe of his other movies. Ben Affleck plays Ollie, a music publicist who loses his wife (Jennifer Lopez) in childbirth and ends up moving out of NYC and back to his home in Jersey with his dad, George Carlin.

As his daughter Gertie grows up, Ollie has to readjust his life significantly, losing his career and handling the hard but rewarding job of being a single father. This premise reminds me an awful lot of the underrated Jack and Sarah, especially when a new romantic prospect — Liv Tyler, fresh out of animal crackers — enters the scene.

Tyler plays Maya, a video store* clerk with a touch of manic pixie dream girl in her. She and Gertie represent possibilities of a different, new life for Ollie — but Ollie’s old, high-powered life continues to pull him back toward NYC.

And that’s pretty much it. It’s a rather tame and saccharine drama with a touch of romance and a whole lot of daddy-daughter affection. That’s not bad, mind you, but I was really hoping for something more. I didn’t need a vulgar rant by Jay every 30 minutes or some disgusting scenario, but I wouldn’t have minded something more interesting than Ben Affleck getting sappy for an hour-and-a-half.

*It was a thing that existed before streaming. Ask your parents.

Intermission!

• “Excellent droning.”
• This is the longest school report ever written
• Going back to when Will Smith was only the Fresh Prince guy
• “She’s dead. But you ain’t. And neither is your kid.”
• That’s one dirty diaper
• “I’m not really a whoremonger, dad.”
• “Cats was the second-worst thing to ever happen to New York City.”
• Jason Lee and Matt Damon as execs
• Play “spot the movies that Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler are in” around the video store