“They’re already dead!” “They’re gonna be deader.”

Justin’s rating: I’m a sympathetic spirit to this film

Justin’s review: At this point in my reviewing career, I’ve maybe talked too much about Disney’s Haunted Mansion. I’ve gibbered about the ride, I’ve subjected myself to the 2003 Eddie Murphy adaptation, and I even saw the Muppet version which I’ve never heard anyone else talk about and so might just be a figment of my imagination. Yet no movie had yet to capture the feel and attraction of the ride experience, so here we go again with a third adaptation!

Hey, I’m not complaining. After all, there’s always room for one more.

Gabbie (Rosario Dawson) moves with her son Travis into an immediately suspect mansion in New Orleans. Yeah, this place isn’t trying to act coy about its supernatural bent, and before long, the two start running into the 999 happy haunts that infest these decrepit halls.

Haunted Mansion immediately brought to mind the original Ghostbusters in how the first 10 minutes go from serious to spooky to funny in rapid succession while almost immediately acknowledging that, yup, there are spooks — and they are very active. There’s no drawing it out.

Determined to reclaim her new home, Gabbie hires a quartet of, erm, ghost-eradicators to brave the mansion and exorcise its inhabitants. This group is made of socially awkward tour guide Ben (LaKeith Stanfield), Father Kent (Owen Wilson), college professor Bruce (Danny DeVito), and psychic Harriet (Tiffany Haddish). Each bring their own brand of expertise (and wit), although Ben’s also carrying some grief involving his dead wife that has a good chance of being addressed in these two hours.

The crew start to dig into the mysteries and backstory of the mansion — a place that actively seems to want them there as much as it wants to terrify them. Ben uses a ghost-detecting camera that momentarily reveals the spectral entities in a cool neon orange flash, which I thought was a nifty way to portray the invisible.

Suffice to say, this mansion (which apparently appeared out of nowhere back in the day) is housing a complicated situation. Some of the ghosts really want this group to leave, while some seem intent on trapping them inside the walls.

There were two important aspects for Haunted Mansion to get right in regards to its theme park inspiration. The first was to repurpose the familiar sets, ghosts, and even music into a much larger mansion. Disney park fans are going to have a blast playing “spot the homage” in pretty much every scene, from the endless hallway to Madame Leota’s seance room.

I really liked hearing the soundtrack have fun with “Grim Grinning Ghosts” in various subtle ways, and I definitely grinned pretty hard to see the fan-favorite Hatbox Ghost make an appearance. The scene where Ben enters the spirit realm via astral projection honestly felt like the ride itself with all of the illusions and ghostly mischief, and I gobbled up the sumptuous visuals.

But the second, and perhaps more important, aspect to get right was to strike a good balance between horror and comedy the way the ride did. The PG-13 rating allows this film to break out a few legitimate creepy moments or jump scares, but it restrains it from getting so dark and gruesome that it divorces itself from its inspiration.

And the humor is strong and welcome, breaking up the tension and endearing us to this group. One misstep that the 2003 movie had was centering all of the comedy on Eddie Murphy, who is trying to crack jokes so much that you don’t buy his urgency or frights. Here, the snark and wit is spread around to a pretty solid ensemble cast. Admittedly, sometimes a character might be stretching with product placement and meta-humor, but it’s mostly all right.

However, it’s Stanfield’s Ben that breaks out as this film’s MVP. His very look and style make for an unusual profile to start, and the layers of humor, grief, cynicism, and scientific know-how make him an honorary Ghostbuster in his own right.

So the mixture is remarkably good on all fronts — humor, haunted sets, and characters. Is there anything that doesn’t work? My only real complaint is that at slightly over two hours, Haunted Mansion drags a bit. There’s a desire to work in a whole lot of the mythology and storyline from the ride (and its 999 happy haunts) that could’ve been trimmed somewhat.

This is easily the most faithful Haunted Mansion adaptation to date. If you ever left the ride feeling like you wanted more, you’ll feel filled up by the drama, scares, and cackles that the movie has to offer. It won’t bowl you over, but it’s a fun Halloween flick if nothing else.

Intermission!

• The cathedral looks a bit like the Disney castle
• “Ghosts don’t exist. Life is dirt. We’re all dirt!”
• The funeral band plays a jazzy version of “Grim Grinning Ghosts”
• The stretching hall effect
• The moving armor
• “This is our home now… [sees the moving armor] Nah, we’re out.”
• The hitchhiking ghosts in the back seat
• “This isn’t your cat?”
• “One man’s monster is another man’s Halloween costume.”
• “I’m not afraid of a few ghosts.” “Oh you say that now…”
• Bed and breakfasts can be some people’s worst nightmares
• The stretching room portraits and the busts
• Ghosts can be like bed bugs, they just latch on
• “I said ‘no!'” “But your eyes were screaming ‘yes!'”
• That’s one endless hallway… and the moving paintings
• Hire your psychic based on a Yelp score
• “I’m talking organs on the outside!”
• Not every sconce is a lever for a secret door
• “God, give us a break. We don’t want to be haunted. And it just seems like there’s so many bad people in the world. Haunt them. How about an ‘amen’ at the count of three?”
• Seances can put people to sleep… or a trance?
• Amazon? Yankee Candle Company? CVS? Lotta consumer name drops here
• Harriet’s chair looks like a Doom Buggy
• “I did NOT know it was going to be a spa day!”
• “I’m curious why a man his age was riding a chair down the main road?”
• “The living and the dead belong in different places.”
• “Ghost winks” is an ADORABLE term
• The caretaker and the hitchhiking ghosts together
• “Attics are historically terrifying.”
• The heads disappearing on the portraits in the attic… and the mirror
• Ghost Bae
• Jamie Lee Curtis as Madame Leota
• “It will cost you… three dollars.”
• “Am I the only one who didn’t know that was real?”
• “It’s like the Cap’n Crunch of eggs.”
• The backwards clock and the candle blowing itself out
• “But the real chills start later!”
• The stretching room with all the dangers from the paintings
• Winona Ryder as the tour guide for the Florida WDW Haunted Mansion-looking Gump Manor
• “You good?” “NO! THIS IS A TUNNEL OF TERRORS!”