“I’m higher than hell and you’re STILL ugly!”

Justin’s rating: AN-FER-NEE!

Justin’s review: While I’ve certainly seen more than any sane man’s share of ’90s spoofery this year, it didn’t dampen my mild excitement at checking out High School High for the first time. After all, Jon Lovitz (The Critic) stars in many of my guilty pleasures, and this time he was backed by the talents of director Hart Bochner (PCU) and writers David Zucker (Airplane!) and Pat Proft (The Naked Gun).

The target of their lampooning are all of those “inspirational teacher” films, especially the ones where some spirited educator straightens out some war zone of a school. In this case, it’s the slightly daffy Richard Clark (Lovitz), who is hired by inner city Barry High as the new history teacher.

Richard’s about the only person at the school who cares about the kids, as gangs butt heads, the principal swings a bat freely, and rats run wild. But his optimistic attitude gains the respect of administrative assistant Victoria (Tia Carrere) and a promising kid named Griff.

Faster than you can say “’90s dance track montage,” all these kids are amazing learners and the school gets a top-down renovation and Richard’s a beloved inspirer of people and strip club workers.

It’s just too bad that High School High occasionally pulls its punches — and jokes — when it should’ve gone a lot harder. Don’t get me wrong, it’s pretty funny in parts and even amusing to go through the “white savior teacher” narrative at fast-forward. I just wanted a whole lot more. More over-the-top silly gags and a whole lot more Jon Lovitz being let off the hook.

It was a good time, though, and now functions as a time capsule to a period long gone. It’s not just the dated references to Bob Dole and Johnnie Cochrane but also the way the pop culture back then was fascinated by — and mystified with — black culture. And it’s a reminder how Tia Carrere was the focus of many a crush back in the day, and deservingly so.

High School High might not have been the laugh-a-second gagfest that I’d hoped, but it was good enough that I knew I’d want to see it again at some point. Jon Lovitz is always welcome in my home.

Intermission!

• “How’d the castration go on that polo pony?”
• Pipe smoking is distinguished
• Parking spots for SWAT and National Guard
• Nothing is more timeless than a Johnnie Cochran reference!
• Chicken wire in the hair… and racing cars
• The guy’s name is so long he runs out of breath
• Always best to shake hands unless it’s a stump
• “If you can call being beaten to death retiring.”
• Lou from Home Ec putting on body armor
• “Little early to be drinking, don’t you think?” “Who stops?”
• The principal’s three translators
• Share something personal, but not “yeast infection” personal
• Don’t use a vasectomy home kit
• Rhinestone Cowboy!
• Victoria’s got a beautiful car
• Convertible tops can be used as hang gliders
• A Bob Dole erection joke! Topical!
• Victoria whaling on the bad guy makes me smile
• “Richard, I’m over here!” MEOW
• Richard correcting the syntax of a bad sentence got a genuine laugh
• Lincoln is always the answer
• One montage later, and the school is clean
• This movie remembers when Bush threw up on a Japanese head of state
• “They… released me!”
• This movie remembers all of those TV products like the haircut sucker
• Strip clubs can easily convert into Shakespeare theaters
• Everyone running after someone else fleeing the classroom is pretty funny
• The description of where the water comes from
• “It’s your birthday, there’s no use pretendin’ your life won’t be endin’!”
• Chainsaws and frozen pig feet
• I was already laughing when they broke into the Women’s Self Defense Awards
• Wonderbra reference!
• The graduating class is… six people?