“He seems to be a very self-confident young man.”

Drake’s rating: I reviewed a William Smith bee movie, and then an unrelated bee movie, and now another William Smith movie. This is the spinning hamster wheel I call life.

Drake’s review: This one may sound a bit familiar to you: The leader of a post-apocalyptic community calls on the aid of a black-clad mercenary to aid them in their struggle against a horde of raiders, who are led by a muscular, red-haired warrior. That’s definitely The Road Warrior in a succinct nutshell, but it’s also The Ultimate Warrior, a film that predates George Miller’s classic by six years.

Honestly, it’s a fairly straight-forward plot that’s been used for countless Westerns (substituting a Western town for a post-apocalyptic one), but it wouldn’t be a surprise if Miller had caught this flick at some point and thought, “This would be so much cooler with fast cars and Mohawks!” Those are two things The Ultimate Warrior lacks in comparison with Max Rockatansky’s sophomore cinematic outing, but definitely not the only two. While The Road Warrior is a film that defined the look and aesthetic of post-apocalypse movies for the next decade or so (and still influences it to this day), The Ultimate Warrior is a film stuck in a 1970s time capsule.

Shot on a set in Burbank which substitutes for a few blocks of downtown New York City after a global pandemic, The Ultimate Warrior is primarily inhabited by survivors who look less like unfortunates scraping out a meager existence and more like the inhabitants of a commune with easy access to the local Goodwill store. Even though there’s strife and conflict all around them, they lack any sort of protective gear and their weapons are rudimentary at best.

Led by a man named Baron (Max von Sydow, Flash Gordon), the commune is under constant threat of attack from a gang led by Carrot (William Smith, Chrome & Hot Leather), a brawny, gravel-voiced menace who wants nothing more than to wipe out the commune and take whatever they have, which mostly consists of tomatoes, polyester pants and expensive cigars. Spying a shirtless man standing on a pedestal, which is evidently just what ultimate warriors do in the off-season, Baron hires the man (who does eventually find a shirt) to help protect his people from Carrot’s crew. The warrior, a man named Carson (Yul Brynner, Westworld) proves his worth early on, but will he be enough to stand against Carrot’s raiders?

I had read, years ago, that this film was originally meant to be a starring vehicle for Bruce Lee, and that makes so much sense. Carson is intended to be a veritable living weapon, a man with extensive fighting skills, and Lee would have fit the part perfectly. As it stands, however, a 55-year-old Yul Brynner is simply not the physical threat that Lee would have been. Although in good shape for his age, Brynner nonetheless lacked Lee’s athleticism and physicality. The fight scenes, which should be the movie’s focus, are fine but unexceptional, so the movie’s strengths instead rely on the interplay between Brynner and von Sydow and the menace of Carrot to drive it along.

That’s all fine and well, but with a title like The Ultimate Warrior what we really want is an action-fest with some insane stunts and gonzo fight choreography. What we get is Yul Brynner stabbing someone with his four-inch knife and their bodies immediately crumpling bloodlessly to the ground. It’s an unavoidable result of working with the actors you have rather than the ones you wished you had, but it’s still somewhat disappointing.

Still, there’s a pretty decent film here. It’s undeniably entertaining to see Brynner and von Sydow together in any given scene and their performances, along with Smith’s, carry the movie. Von Sydow’s Baron is an older, less intense Pappagallo, but he has plans of his own and there’s some surprising scheming going on underneath his calm exterior. Brynner plays it cool as Carson as well, smoking cigars with Baron and talking about places and people he’ll likely never see again. It’s a good choice for Brynner in particular to play his part understated, as it mimics the economy of motion in his action scenes and gives the character a composed demeanor throughout the film. Surprisingly, Smith is somewhat restrained here as well. I was expecting him to play Carrot with a wild-eyed intensity, but he’s instead much more thoughtful and calculating in his cruelty.

Now all of that works to an extent, but it also means that The Ultimate Warrior feels very reserved for an action movie. It never cuts loose and lets the audience enjoy a cathartic fight scene or a fast-paced chase, and lacks the frenetic energy that its many distant descendants would rely upon. Like I said, this is a ‘70s time capsule, but one can’t help but to wish there was a bit more ferocity and a lot more energy.

And at least a few Mohawks.

Intermission!

• Hey, look at that guy standing around without a shirt on! Must be a warrior.
• Baron and his men look less like post-apocalyptic survivors and more like attendees at a Crosby, Stills & Nash concert.
• Tomatoes are a key plot point in this flick.
• It’s the far-off year of 2012 in this movie, by the way. And everyone’s still dressing like it’s 1973.
• Stab, die, stab, die. An ultimate warrior’s work is never done.
• OK, the pregnant woman gave birth after about five minutes of labor. In a movie featuring a post-apocalyptic New York devoid of any firearms and Yul Brynner as an action hero, that just might be the most unrealistic thing shown.
• Jumped by a gang of raiders? Stab faster!
• Save the tomato seeds! They’re the key to humanity’s future!
• Yul Brynner versus William Smith. It’s going to take some true movie magic for this fight to look in any way fair.
• Honestly? This flick could have used a few Bee Girls.
• And maybe a Mutant or two. Everything’s better with Mutants, right?