“Turner, I want to keep a lid on this thing.”

Drake’s rating: The original eight-legged freak

Drake’s review: Something strange is going on at Solana Beach. For one thing, it’s home to a rather astonishing number of well-known actors. For another, people are disappearing at the beaches, the victims of something mysterious lurking in the ocean’s depths.

Well, OK, it’s not that mysterious, considering the title of this Italian-made Jaws rip-off is Tentacles. A bigger mystery is how all of the stars of this movie got involved. I mean, we have Henry Fonda, John Huston, and Shelley Winters here, as well as Bo Hopkins and perpetual sheriff Claude Akins*. Schlocky rip-off or not, that’s a surprisingly solid cast. And honestly, the veteran talent is what saves Tentacles from being a completely forgettable entry in the “nature run amok” movie sweepstakes.

Intrepid newsman Ned Turner (Huston) is investigating a rash of missing people at the ocean side community of Solana Beach, which brings him into conflict with local tycoon Mr. Whitehead (Fonda). Whitehead’s company, Trojan, is building a large underwater tunnel, and Turner thinks the disappearances have something to do with the construction. Turner’s right, of course, as the drills being used by Trojan have raised the ire of a giant octopus, and this is one cephalopod that needs its beauty sleep! But stopping the mammoth mollusc is going to take more than Turner’s trusty typewriter, and so the reporter contacts Will Gleason (Hopkins), an orca trainer still recovering from a recent dive-gone-wrong.

Cue excessive amounts of underwater photography as divers swim around near the bottom of the sea even as the town of Solana Beach prepares for the big event of the year: The annual junior yacht race. And, sure, having a bunch of kids out on the open water while there’s a gigantic octopus swimming around wreaking havoc might sound like a spectacularly bad idea, but what are you going to do? Cancel it? That’s just crazy talk. No, it’s much better to endanger the children than to refund their $5 per head entry fees, and thus cost Solana Bay a good chunk of their annual revenue.

Sadly, the inevitable yacht race carnage is less fun than it ought to be. Consisting primarily of the top of a latex octopus head chasing down boats that then unnecessarily turn over, the creature is quite the letdown. Even John Huston seems to be disappointed in the notable lack of screaming victims being held high in the air by gigantic tentacles and, having worked his requisite days on the film, taps out and turns the whole thing over to Bo Hopkins.

Coincidentally, Hopkins’ Will Gleason now has a personal stake in octopus hunting, as his wife was also killed by the creature in an unrelated scene. He just has to figure out how to bring the thing down. Pretty convenient that Gleason has a pair of orcas that he’s on a first-name basis with, right?

As I said, this one benefits from the work of a veteran cast. John Huston in particular lends the film a gravity that it would otherwise be entirely bereft of, as he tirelessly pursues every lead connecting the disappearances before unceremoniously exiting the film. Akins is his stolid, dependable self, playing the local sheriff in a surprisingly small role and Fonda doesn’t disappoint as the necessarily evil businessman. Shelley Winters is in the post-Poseidon Adventure phase of her career, playing Ned Turner’s sister Tillie, and her scenes with Huston have a natural rapport before she’s thrust into the “worrying mother” role. And personally I always enjoy seeing Bo Hopkins, who relies heavily on his natural charisma here since his part is sadly underwritten.

Still, Tentacles suffers from a lack of tension and little in the way of octopusian mayhem, as well as a soundtrack that is sadly out of place in an ostensible horror movie. A bit of judicious editing and a new musical score would do wonders to improve it, but we’re still left with a monster that simply lacks the toothy danger of a great white shark.

Still, I’d argue that it’s better than giant bunnies menacing Dr. McCoy.

* Even John Wayne was originally cast in the film, but was too ill to participate once production began.

Intermission!

• The poor baby was left out there like a snack pack.
• Ack! I’ve been inked!
• The squid peeking in the diving bell’s window is both hilarious and kind of horrifying. It feels like Cthulhu squinting through your front window.
• Shelley Winters’ hat needs its own zip code.
• The octopus can cause a mini-tidal wave? Huh. Let’s see Aquaman do that.
• Sure, the disappearances are ongoing, but let’s have the yacht race anyway.
• Orcas Assemble!
• The giant octopus is, um…growling? Maybe that was a burp. It has been overeating the last few days.