“Modernization isn’t everything!”

Justin’s rating: This movie bytes (in a good way)

Justin’s review: Even though I grew up in the ’80s and ’90s, I experienced plenty of influence from the ’60s and ’70s thanks to reruns and syndication. Star Trek, Scooby Doo, Battlestar Galactica, and way too many sitcoms that transitioned from black-and-white into color somewhere around Season 3 were part of this pop culture tapestry.

I can also give some thanks to Disney, which pushed its older stuff on us younger viewers through the Wonderful World of Disney and plenty of other movies of the week. Wholesome Disney TV programming always got a thumbs-up from our parents, so there wasn’t a Herbie, Swiss Family Robinson, or Flubber my brothers and I didn’t see at some point.

One of the more memorable entries was The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, a kind of cyborg movie from the closing days of 1969 starring none other than a young Kurt Russell. Of course, this was long before households had computers, nevermind every single person carrying an advanced one around in their pockets, so it’s also wild to return to an age where such fantastic devices were limited to places like government buildings and universities.

On the verge of the computer revolution, the chummy students at Medfield College desperately want the board to approve the purchase of a device that probably has the same computing power as a Weight Watchers kitchen scale these days. They feel that their prayers are answered when a local shady businessman named AJ (the Joker himself, Caesar Romero) ponies up for one for $10,000 in 1969 dollars, or over $85,000 today… oof.

After setting up the crazy complicated computer, Dexter (Russell) gets electrocuted and dies.

No, actually the computer’s memory transfers right into his brain, turning Dexter into an IBM PC that can remember just about everything and do whatever he sets his mind to. It’s kind of the same plot that Limitless would trot out several decades later.

While this has great potential to help out his underdog college in upcoming tests, it also puts him on AJ’s hit list. It turns out that this computer had a copy of the guy’s illegal gambling activities (how? It’s a different computer and there’s no internet!). To keep Dexter from blabbing out all the details, AJ’s goons kidnap him with the intent to murder his face (way to go dark, Disney!), and it’s up to Dexy’s pals to come up with a silly paint-related scheme to rescue him.

So while Medfield College’s smarmy dean try to leverage Dexter to help put the institution on the map, AJ tries to shut him down. That might be a bit difficult, as Dexter becomes an overnight superstar sensation (hey, it was a slow week for the United States of America) and grows ever-more cocky with his super-powered brain.

Eventually, Medfield hopes to enter him into a quiz show to win the $100,000 grand prize… but it’s about this time that Dexter starts to lose his computer-boosted intelligence and needs to rely on his friends more and more.

Aside from some really likable (over)acting the way that only Disney used to do, The Computer That Wore Tennis Shoes is watchable for various archaic amusements (does anyone remember what an encyclopedia is? This movie does!). I thought it was hilarious how quickly Dexter goes egomaniac and is invited to pretty much every random high-profile event in the country. As much as I like Kurt Russell, he’s kind of a one-note character. But he’s young, and that kept throwing my brain for a loop!

I also got a kick out of the fact that Dexter’s got about 20 college chums, all with (presumable) names and speaking parts. There are some scenes where they jam this whole mob into the frame and it’s so much in the best way.

This isn’t a laugh-out-loud romp, but it strikes a lighthearted tone from the get-go and keeps from getting too serious about this, frankly, ridiculous premise. You do get the sense that computers were more mystical to the population in 1969, full of all kinds of potential but hardly understood.

Intermission!

• The Computer That Wore Tennis Shoes was a surprise hit for Disney and led to two more sequels in the ’70s that thrust Kurt Russell’s Dexter into other superhero-like scenarios where he gained super strength and invisibility. There was also a remake in the ’90s with Kirk Cameron that nobody seems to remember.
• There’s nothing I don’t love about these opening credits: The animation, the cheesy song, or the computer font.
• You can bug your university board meeting with a giant walkie talkie and they’ll never notice
• AJ’s super cool secret elevator and underground lair
• Movie computers in the ’60s were always expected to talk
• You can get a sense of how hideously complicated these enormous computers were to set up back then
• “Hey, this may be a way to get rid of Dean Higgins!” “We live in hope, Dexter.”
• This movie predicted Alexa-controlled appliances
• Driving in a rainstorm at night with all of your study notes taped to the window and steering wheel strikes me as a safe and economical method of test preparation
• This is one seriously long test!
• I don’t think your retinas could turn into stock footage of computers and still allow you to see
• Check out those chaste kisses on the cheek!
• That’s one way to cut a diamond… by shattering it all
• The Apollo rocket launch was pretty cool, even if it is stock footage
• This movie makes me want to drop a couple thousand on encyclopedias
• “Hi!” “Hi!”
• Maybe don’t name your secret criminal organization after the initials in your name? AJ… Applejack?
• Murder a kid, drop him down into a lake, and do some fishing — all in a day’s work for a goon
• That’s a whole lot of painters doing an awful job painting a house orange and green
• “This place looks like a Halloween joke!”
• “Sherwood Forest, Robin Hood speaking!”
• “How would you like your sheepdog wrapped?”
• The kids throwing everything off the back of the truck is an honest attempt at vehicular homicide